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Exhausted nanny

(10 Posts)
Goingnowherefasttoday Tue 31-Jan-17 20:46:11

Hoping for some advice from anyone but particularly nannies. I'm a mature and long established nanny, have been lucky to work for lovely families in the past. Currently I look after 2 children aged 8 and 6. The youngest is delightful but the eldest is one of the rudest children I've ever come across, she is particularly rude to me. She is stroppy, loud, refuses to speak to me sometimes, accuses me of taking her things, tells lies, constantly argues and answers back etc. Nothing I do to try and improve things has worked, I actually think she hates me. I've worked so hard at building a relationship with her but it hasn't worked. The parents won't address the problem, they don't see her behaviour as a problem really. Tonight I feel worn out and depressed after another evening of her antics and after almost 3 years I'm considering leaving. The younger child and I are very close so it will be with huge sadness, in every other way it's a great job. I'm simply out of ideas.

NapQueen Tue 31-Jan-17 20:50:09

Can you change how you interact with her so that it's purely business? She has needs, fed, taken to x and y places, but over and above that "meh"

If she grumbles that her younger sister gets more attention from you then she can be given short shrift "X, when I try and speak nicely to you you are awful back, once you learn to be nice to me then by all means come and join in"

Yerazig Tue 31-Jan-17 21:09:08

I was going to assume that you had only been there a short time and she was getting used to you. 3 years and she acts like that with you. Unfortunately as I'm sure you know if the parents aren't concerned with her behaviour and won't back you up your not going to go anywhere. It would be a shame to move on as you have a good relationship with the youngest. But if after 3 years of being there and you still don't have a bond with the oldest. There's only 2 options move on and get a new job or suck it up. I know as a nanny I don't think I would of lasted 3 years you've done well smile

gpignname Tue 31-Jan-17 21:49:23

Could it be jealousy? She would have been at school and the other child was about 3 when you started so presumably spent more time with you then and maybe the older one has been jealous and this has developed into her turning against you - especially if she now feels the younger one is the favourite since you are so close?
Does she show signs of being jealous of the younger one or do they get on well?
In any case maybe it is time to move on for your own sake if you have tried everything already.

Goingnowherefasttoday Tue 31-Jan-17 22:43:08

Thanks, yes it's probably time to leave. She is a complex little girl, often very unkind to her friends and intensely jealous of everyone who has something she wants. She is also very spoilt imo and firmer handling by her parents would have nipped this in the bud. I'm no quitter though and would have liked a good relationship, never happened to me before but she's beaten me down.

underneaththeash Tue 31-Jan-17 22:56:45

I would actually just back off - 8 year olds can be very complex (I run both a rainbows and brownies group).

But yes, it the parents aren't backing you up and you're unhappy what choice do you have?

Amandahugandkisses Tue 31-Jan-17 22:58:24

I would leave. You've tried and you sound shattered.

MrsNuckyThompson Tue 31-Jan-17 23:11:29

Just leave. You could take sick leave for stress / exhaustion but that won't solve anything longer term and will also be a total shag for your employer. Start looking asap.

Nanny29 Thu 08-Jun-17 19:41:35

Hi 'goingnowherefast' I was just interested to know how you got on with the little girl you were having difficulty with?
I have been a nanny for ten years and have found that girls, in particular, between the ages 7-10 are the trickiest to deal with. I was in a similar position and the girl I cared for was so rude to me, but never to anyone else it seemed. She lied, hit me, called me horrible names, said everything I put out in front of her at dinner time was 'disgusting'. She resented the time and attention i gave to her younger brother and sister and I was also at breaking point.' I found that trying to spend some quality time with her after school helped (just me and her) and consistently disciplined for any bad behaviour (from any of the children) i.e taking away toys, sending her to her room for chill time. Fortunately I had supportive parents but if they are not on your side then I think it's definitely time to leave.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 10-Jun-17 06:43:04

If the parents don't back you up then there's no hope and eep after 3yrs

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