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Mindee cries constantly when put down :(

(11 Posts)
CheerfulYank Tue 31-Jan-17 20:00:51

I'm not sure what to do!

He's 8 months old; I've had him since he was 2 months. It's been about a month and a half now that he's been screaming when I put him down. And I mean literally the second my hands leave his body the the second I pick him up again. I know he's "fine" as in not hungry, tired, or has a wet diaper, and he stops crying the moment I hold him.

I do hold him as much as I can but it's not always possible. Today I have five others to care for (18 months to 4 years) and they need to eat, have diaper changes, etc. Plus he is not crawling or attempting to crawl at all and the doctor has told his parents he needs to be left on the floor more to get some arm strength.

I've tried all different things from an exersaucer to a swing to a high chair to just sitting on his own with toys on the floor. He screams constantly unless he's in the high chair and I am sitting directly by him and spoon feeding him. (He will not do finger food or BLW)

What should I do? His parents are fine with me leaving him to cry, in fact they would prefer it as he is starting to get worse at home. (He has been to another childminder a few days when I've been closed and she said he does the same for her.) However I hate listening to him cry sad Once when he was by himself for a prolonged time (two children had big poo explosions at the same time and it took quite awhile to clean up), he screamed until he vomited. sad It just doesn't sit right with me.

Any tips? I keep reassuring the parents that it just takes time and it doesn't bother me (it really doesn't bother ME but I just feel bad for him sad ) but I'm starting to wonder what I can do to help. It seems to be getting worse.

HSMMaCM Tue 31-Jan-17 20:53:58

Can you carry him in a sling, so you can get on with other jobs? He's going through his separation anxiety phase. Doing pickup and put down regularly, or playing alongside him, while also playing with the others might help.

Are you a childminder in England? Just wondering about the 6 children under 5?

NuffSaidSam Tue 31-Jan-17 21:30:28

Stop picking him up. Come down to his level to comfort him, either by sitting with him/next to him on the floor or if you're doing something else just bend down and give him a hug/rub his back/pat his head. Show him that he can be close to you/comforted whilst being on the floor/not in your arms and he should start to cope with being down.

Do some attachment building exercises with him. Blow bubbles. Look in a mirror with him. Do rhymes which involve touching his face and hands.

Will he sit in his buggy to give you a rest from the screaming? I find some very clingy children are only happy in their own buggy, you could try that for when you really need to get on with something else.

CheerfulYank Tue 31-Jan-17 21:45:53

No*HS*, I'm in the US smile Our ratios seem crazy to you I'm sure!

I've thought about a sling but his parents would rather I didn't, plus the main time he's upset and down is during lunch and I wouldn't be comfortable having him so close to the stove etc.

Nuff no, his buggy doesn't work either! I've honestly never had this in years and hundreds of kids. (Used to work in a big center and then in a school. smile ) He used to do well if I would hug him while he was crying sitting on the floor or in the exersaucer, but now he screams unless he's actually picked up. We do lots of songs, stories, rhymes, etc but unless I am holding him he screams all the way through them.

He is a first baby so no other kids at home. During the mornings he's home with mom and then evenings with dad, and one day a week he's with the elderly neighbor next door. I think he's just very used to one on one attention and doesn't like/is frightened by not having it. I am okay with letting him cry it out a bit in theory (there's probably no other way around it) but the other kids are upset by his full on screaming and also he will literally vomit. sad

WheresTheEvidence Tue 31-Jan-17 21:54:11

I am going to watch this - I currently have 1 11 month old who cries unless held - makes tidying up/cooking/helping the sibling rather tricky.

user1485903288 Tue 31-Jan-17 23:30:20

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CheerfulYank Wed 01-Feb-17 15:08:21

I'm extremely curious about that deleted message! confused

Well, writing the thread must have been the magic I needed wink He did much better yesterday and sat by himself playing a few times. There were hardly any kids at that point though, which I think makes the difference. It probably is overwhelming! We'll work on it. smile Thanks!

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 02-Feb-17 15:59:05

You and parents have to work together. So what they do at home you need to do the same

Obv he is used to 2 parents at his every whim then gets to yours and has to share you with 5 others

And yes 6 children four and under sounds hell and not legal in U.K.

Weird how USA is diff

CheerfulYank Thu 02-Feb-17 18:23:32

He doesn't do it at home as much so it's hard to know what to ask them to do smile

I can have 10 under 5, as long as 8 of them are older than two and only one younger than 12 months smile I never do that, though. Most do. I stick with 6-7 depending on the needs of the kids I have. These are the ratios in my state.

In the States formal schooling doesn't start til 5, there are no free nursery hours at any point, and schools are closed all June, July, and August. Plus providers have to make enough to cover their own medical needs as no NHS etc. So if I could only care for a small number of children legally...Well, probably no one would do it!

CheerfulYank Thu 02-Feb-17 18:25:59

I only have 4 today and only had him and my 18 month old til 10:30 this morning, so we had some time to work on him sitting with me close by or holding his hands and doing finger plays, etc. He wasn't happy about it but he did better. Baby steps! I'm hoping once he crawls he'll be a bit more content on his own.

Doglikeafox Fri 03-Feb-17 11:53:17

I'm in the UK and can only have 3 under 5, which is a real pain especially when I have for example one 18 month old and two 4 years old, which is not really the same as one 6 month old and two 18 month olds.
The US system seems a lot smarter in terms of differentiating between all the different ages... but 10 children under 5 sounds crazy!

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