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Divorce - Sharing Childcare

(9 Posts)
youngturck Thu 19-Jan-17 17:53:26

We are trying to sort out childcare post-divorce. Ideally we want an au-pair or nanny to live in our house and then every other week, when the childrens' mother has them, to simply babysit the children at her house for a few hours after school and then return to our house where she would live. We are not looking for someone to live between two houses. Anyone have any ideas on whether this is a pipe dream? We are willing to consider live out child minders/baby sitters. We need simple after school care. Any suggestions or guidance would really be appreciated as the current live in nanny is departing soon. Thanks.

NuffSaidSam Thu 19-Jan-17 19:51:17

It should work fine as long as the two houses are close together and everything is amicable i.e. she isn't going to be caught up in arguments/used as a go-between for communication/to 'spy' on each other etc.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 19-Jan-17 19:56:02

A set of communal 'rules' that would apply to both homes without question.

youngturck Thu 19-Jan-17 21:01:16

The concern isn't about managing this with the ex-spouse, it's about whether we are living in a fantasy world to think we can find an au-pair or nanny who is willing to work with us on a shared basis, living in at our house and after school care swapping every other week. Thank you for your help though ilovecain

Nuffsaid, they wouldn't be put in the middle and proximity should be fine. Thanks for your positivity.

Yukbuck Thu 19-Jan-17 22:02:14

I agree with both posters. Op you asked whether you think it would work and people are just stating things that could be possible hiccups (not saying they would but they could!) So in response to your op, yes this is something I would do (as a child carer) but I would also question things like the above posters said (do you get along, will I get caught in the middle) etc...

PenguinsandPebbles Thu 19-Jan-17 22:07:48

If there is genuinely no conflict between the parents then can't see why it would be an issue, with a proffesional nanny

I don't think it would work with an aupair who are not much more than children themselves, don't think it would be fair on an aupair

youngturck Thu 19-Jan-17 23:10:09

Thanks for your feedback everyone. I misunderstood Ilovecain's comments to be focused on managing the set up with the ex, but I understand now.

ittybittyluna Fri 20-Jan-17 15:29:17

I work primarily with divorcing parents (they like that I have proven experience balancing two homes and supporting the children during this process). I have done this as a live in and live out arrangement.

It shouldn't be a problem, but please ensure that you stress that you get on, communicate well, never bitch about the other parent (even in a venting, frustrated way), and that the children always come first. I've seen it happen many, many times that when parents split decisions which used to be compromised upon (sugar, bedtime, homework, rules/discipline) become different for each parent, and nanny becomes the ogre enforcing different rules in different places. I am firmer with parents in these situations than I am with the children but if you have a less assertive nanny she may find the job quite stressful.

Also, please be aware if this is a relatively recent split that sometimes children think in strange ways - if nanny was sacked or quit, then mum and dad will get back together.

Good luck finding a lovely nanny.

youngturck Fri 20-Jan-17 23:08:47

Thanks for your input Ittybittyluna, it's very interesting and it's good to hear from an actual childcare provider who has worked in these situations before.

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