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Nanny while a parent is at home - any tips?

(7 Posts)
AuntiePenguin Thu 12-Jan-17 14:54:36

I'm a stay at home mum but disabled and heavily pregnant with a complicated pregnancy, so we hired a live out nanny to help look after our 2 year old and (when they arrive) the newborn.

My son seems very confused when I'm at home but telling him to play with the nanny instead, he is getting very distressed and clingy with me, and when she takes him out he seems to be constantly asking to come home to see me. In general his behaviour has deteriorated and he seems less happy.

I don't really know what to do to help him learn to cope with this. Right now I'm hiding in the spare room, and can hear him playing perfectly happily, but I know if he realises I'm here he'll be crying for me and acting up.

Does anybody have any advice or tips?

Rattusn Thu 12-Jan-17 21:17:33

It's a difficult situation for all concerned.

It's only natural that your son wants to spend time with you, and you being around and telling him to play with someone else is very confusing.

Can your nanny take him out for day trips, or alternatively can you interact with your son with the nanny helping while you are all at home?

WheresTheEvidence Fri 13-Jan-17 18:32:37

I do 2 days a week with 2 pre-schoolers whose mother is a stay at home mum.

Mum generally has plans for her day and is usually in and out during the day, and we generally do a music group on one morning and a toddler group the other morning.

When I arrive we both get the kids dressed sorted - they've usually eaten by the time I've arrived. Then I get the kids sorted to go out while mum showers and we slip out. When we get back Mum is usually out or out of sight and I do lunch time - to ensure we don't have silliness etc although mum might join us at the end of the meal to chat about our morning. I then tidy up while mum puts the youngest down for a nap and eldest does quiet time on the couch with books. In the afternoon Mum and I may do something together or be in the playroom with the children or I sometimes take the eldest out to go for a walk/scoot/run errands while Mum has a nap/stays with the younger one. Then I will cook/do dinner and wash up while Mum does jobs in the house. I only work 8-5 these 2 days.

Mum and I make plans for the day/week ahead so we know how best to stay out of each others ways or best utilise our time etc.

Rattusn Fri 13-Jan-17 20:21:47

A helpful post from where

Op I wonder if a nursery or childminder was best serve your needs now. Have you considered these options?

Karoleann Fri 13-Jan-17 20:48:57

They need to bond. Can you send them out on a very fun few days out?

When you're both at home I'd make sure that you have a set time of day that you play with him too, when she's getting on with some nursery duties. Maybe just before lunch, then you have some down time in the morning.

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes okay.

NuffSaidSam Sat 14-Jan-17 00:25:52

Karo is right, they need to bond.

They won't bond with you there so for the time being you may just need to stay out the way when they are home and ask/encourage the nanny to take him out as much as possible.

Once they've got a bond and he is used to being looked after by the nanny it will be much easier and you can be 'around' without him kicking off.

Things that are quite close, one on one activities are best for bonding. Things like swimming, blowing bubbles (lots of eye contact), maybe softplay or something where she needs to help him climb/feel safe, snuggling up an watching his favourite tv show/reading a book, face painting or doing hand/foot prints.

It might be best for the nanny to take him to new places, rather than places that he normally goes with you, so that he isn't constantly reminded of you when he's there and so that they can become something he looks forward to doing with her.

FrutiFlutey Tue 17-Jan-17 08:17:44

I'm looking after an 18 month old,

The father works from home every Friday.

It's basically a matter of the father acting like he's not here, the room wth me and the baby stays wth the door closed and then I only leave the room when I'm sure he's not wondering about

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