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Nanny troubles

(33 Posts)
Gwynethread Wed 23-Nov-16 19:06:07

My Nanny used be chatty, warm and eager to see us. She would cook and really go above and beyond. Recently though she has started to become distant and almost monosyllabic in nature. The other day I noticed she was just sitting daydreaming on the sofa, obviously that's fine now and again but it is happening more and more frequently. I tried to bring it up in polite conversation but she just changes the subject before I can properly broach it. At the end of the day I want my old nanny back, she's like a different person. What should I do?

OP’s posts: |
Optimist1 Wed 23-Nov-16 19:15:03

There's nothing you've said in your OP that you couldn't say direct to her without damaging your relationship. Give it a try; I hope that she appreciates your concern and that you'll soon have your old nanny back!

Karoleann Thu 24-Nov-16 10:37:26

OP - Can you think of anything that might be annoying her about her job? Typical things that nannies get annoyed about are not being paid on time, parents coming home late, house being in a mess from the night before when they arrive, dirty dishes in sink, being asked to do things that aren't in their job spec (like cleaning ovens), being asked to babysit at short notice.

or has anything changed about her job role recently.

If not, you just need to ask her if anything is bothering her as she doesn't seem as happy as she has been before. If she changes the subject, change it back again.

Gwynethread Thu 24-Nov-16 10:59:59

I have never paid her, she has always just helped out. Do you think I should bring up money? I am not sure if that would help, I think its more of an age thing as she is getting older now.

OP’s posts: |
salsamad Thu 24-Nov-16 11:04:24

Have I read that correctly - you have never paid her? Is she working for free? Even if she is living in and getting her room and board she should still receive a weekly wage....this smacks of exploitation!

Ebb Thu 24-Nov-16 11:05:40

You have never paid her?!!!! shock Is she working for free or bed and board?

Ohwoolballs Thu 24-Nov-16 11:06:20

Oh! Is it your actual grandmother as opposed to a hired children's nanny?

Agree with optomist just have a chat and ask if she is feeling alright. Sit down with a cuppa and make it all about her, not a rushed "you alright?"

PotOfYoghurt Thu 24-Nov-16 11:06:37

Do you mean a grandmother?

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Thu 24-Nov-16 11:06:50

Hang on, are you talking about your Grandmother or a nanny who you have hired to look after your children?

Dozer Thu 24-Nov-16 11:07:06

Or do you mean you have never paid her to cook etc?

NickyEds Thu 24-Nov-16 11:08:13

Do you means Nanny as short for Grandma? Is it your mum/MIL? Nanny generally means a childcare professional who looks after your children in your home.

EssentialHummus Thu 24-Nov-16 11:13:40

Sigh. Um, if she's your granny, sit her down with a nice cuppa and ask if there's anything bothering her that you can help with.

If she's not your granny, much the same, but ask specifically whether there's anything about the work/house/DC which is on her mind.

Leeloo2 Thu 24-Nov-16 11:19:02

Maybe she's dreaming about what she could do with the money if you actually paid her?

YoungPretenderMortificado Thu 24-Nov-16 11:21:09

Is this entire thread a text predict fail? Did you mean Granny? confused

Or do you use your Granny as a Nanny and not pay her?

FilledSoda Thu 24-Nov-16 11:21:15

This is hilarious grin

FilledSoda Thu 24-Nov-16 11:23:53

you know youre on the childcare topic?

AndShesGone Thu 24-Nov-16 11:28:47

Are you talking about a dog ? hmmconfused

Gwynethread Thu 24-Nov-16 11:30:43

Hi Guys, Thank you. I meant payed her extra for cooking. Maybe that could be it. I will confront her and see if that's the issue.

OP’s posts: |
YoungPretenderMortificado Thu 24-Nov-16 11:31:23


Optimist1 Thu 24-Nov-16 11:32:59

Now that you've clarified a very misleading OP, Gwyneth I can tell you categorically that she's thinkg "All this cooking and going above and beyond is too much! I wish Gwyneth would realise that grandmothers are not the help - we're here to be cherished."

YoungPretenderMortificado Thu 24-Nov-16 11:34:53


Did she clarify? confused

NickyEds Thu 24-Nov-16 11:35:26

So she's a paid nanny (not a family member)who used to do extra work for free and has now stopped?

salsamad Thu 24-Nov-16 11:40:31

Maybe you have been taking advantage of her good nature and she's begun to realise it. Perhaps you should have offered benefits for all her extra work - an extra day off or a voucher - anything to let her know she's appreciated. You need to have an honest chat with her and discuss any issues.

anotherdayanothersquabble Thu 24-Nov-16 12:04:21

I suspect she is either having problems in her life outside of work or is depressed.

If there are aspects of her job that she is not doing, you can raise them.gently.

I would also set some time aside when there are no distractions and ask her how she is and if there is anything you can do to help.

RentANDBills Fri 25-Nov-16 19:53:14

I'm still confused as to the set up here?
Is this a paid Nanny or a family member?

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