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How to respond?

(11 Posts)
FrenchMagpie Tue 22-Nov-16 17:53:01

Things with our nanny are not going great - many different issues. Broadly speaking we have decided to move on. We will, of course, give/pay decent notice - actually over and above our contract.

Recently her work has slipped significantly and when I have asked her to do certain things, everyday things that I would expect any nanny to do and are definitely in her contract her response has been “If you don’t like what I do then perhaps you should find someone else”. The first time she said it - I misunderstood that she was perhaps upset and spent time reassuring her that we wanted things to work (this was before we had decided to move on). However now I am sure that she isn’t upset - she just doesn’t want to do what I have asked her.

She has said this to me and also to other members of our household and it upsets me. I find it very arrogant and its causing quite a difficult atmosphere at home. I am now taking her at her word and duly looking for a replacement but she will be working with us until I have done so and I’m finding it really difficult to communicate with her given this attitude. How would you respond to this type of comment from an employee?

Callaird Tue 22-Nov-16 18:56:22

As a nanny, I'd tell her to go!! That is a terrible way to talk to your employer. If I'm pissed of with my boss, I write down what I want to say and go back to it in a few hours, I either write it out politely or , more often than not, throw it away.

How long has she been with you? If over 2 years, she may be angling for you to make her redundant so you will have to pay redundancy, unless you go through disciplinary procedures.

I would not want someone with such low regard of me to look after my children. If she is talking to you like that, what is she saying to the children or to her friends in front of the children?

I also would not let her work out her notice. Give her notice, pay the notice period and get a temp in to cover until you find someone better. I realise it's a lot of money but it's got to be better for your family not to have that negativity around you all.

Trifleorbust Tue 22-Nov-16 21:08:58

Doesn't sound great, but I would be surprised if someone decided to speak to their employer like that without there being issues from their perspective as well. What are you asking her to do?

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 22-Nov-16 21:33:44

How rude !!!

How long has she been with you?

Next time she says that to you respond with

You are obviously not happy here. Are you handing your notice in and your last day work be (4weeks time) whatever notice period is in contract

FrenchMagpie Tue 22-Nov-16 21:45:14

Trifle the first time was after a gentle conversation about being more organised - children's supper late and the house a tip at the end of the day. I had also suggested arranging some activities during half term (which never happened). I did ask if she was unhappy and tried to open dialogue to improve things, as I said I misunderstood her. Now I feel too uncomfortable to have any sort of discussion and I'm nervous for the coming weeks!

Trifleorbust Tue 22-Nov-16 22:07:35

Don't discuss it with her. Give her notice when you find someone, or before if that is an option.

RentANDBills Wed 23-Nov-16 09:41:30

How long has she worked for you, OP?

If she's as rude as she's coming across on here, I'd be disinclined to do anything over your contractual obligations re: notice

FrenchMagpie Wed 23-Nov-16 11:17:31

She's been with us a few months now and to be fair, she has a brilliant relationship with my children, which I hugely appreciate which is why I'm so disappointed by her attitude. It is such a rude thing to say and I wonder sometimes if she really understands what she is saying...

Thanks for all of your replies though - I'm trying to figure out a way to bite my tongue until I have a decent replacement sorted.

Karoleann Wed 23-Nov-16 11:26:06

Its called (gross) insubordination and should be covered in her contract.
There's a good article here that covers it

fspbusiness.co.za/articles/discipline-and-dismissal/know-the-difference-between-insubordination-gross-insubordination-and-insolence-2791.html

basically insubordination is the failure to follow direct instructions given to you by an employer/senior. gross insubordination is being rude at the same time!

From what you say she doesn't sound to value her job and you're doing the right thing by getting someone else. Hopefully, you'll get someone soon and can sack her.

HSMMaCM Wed 23-Nov-16 17:21:54

Just say, " Are you handing in your notice? Can you put that in writing?"

Otherwise sack her.

Gwynethread Wed 23-Nov-16 17:35:08

I found my nanny sitting in front room daydreaming. She used to be chatty and great but lately its like she has given up - what should I say?

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