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AIBU nanny almost let my son run into the road

(25 Posts)
DRDG Sat 12-Nov-16 00:32:56

AIBU: our current nanny is relative new to our family. There have been a number of incident which all imply that she is absentminded and/or disorganised (lost items, being late for the children's activities, leaving sports kit behind on more than one occasion; not remembwringbthe children's weekly schedules of after school activities; and so forth). Not only has this been annoying but it's also made me wonder if perhaps she is also too distracted to keep the kids safe...

Today my fears were confirmed when a mum at school told me how she had seen my 3yo wander off into the road while they were waiting to pick up my eldest from school. The nanny didn't notice until a security guard scooped him up and took him back to the school gates to ask whom he belonged to.

Now I feel I can't trust the nanny to keep my children safe.

On top of this she also took herself out shopping during my children's swimming lesson earlier this week. I would never leave the pool (or at least not the building) while they swim and I never even thought to tell her she couldn't leave. The swimming school requires you to stay in the building during the lesson.

Am I being unreasonable re road incident?
Am I being unreasonable re pool incident?
Does she deserve a second chance? My instincts tell me know but would love to hear some thoughts on this.

DRDG Sat 12-Nov-16 00:36:26

Please excuse all the typos.

NuffSaidSam Sat 12-Nov-16 00:48:40

I think YABU re. the swimming lesson if she hadn't been told she had to stay. There is no requirement to stay for my DC's swimming lessons and lots of people drop and run because it's unbearably hot by the pool and you can't use phones/tablets etc. incase you're photographing the children! It's not a nationwide policy and if you hadn't told her it was the policy at your pool she wasn't to know was she?

YANBU about the road incident though. If she was longtime nanny and it was a one off I would think differently because everyone makes mistakes/has a lapse in concentration. It seems to be part of a pattern of disorganisation and lack of attention though and that wouldn't sit right with me. I'd get rid of her now if you're still in the probation period.

Blackbird82 Sat 12-Nov-16 00:52:52

I would sack her

oldlaundbooth Sat 12-Nov-16 00:53:22

Get rid, not worth the worry. The security guard had to ask who he belonged to?!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 12-Nov-16 00:55:26

Give her notice and find someone else. It's clearly not working out.

Patriciathestripper1 Sat 12-Nov-16 00:57:44

Don't wait for an accident. Sack her. You will have no peace of mind and she should be on the ball where school kit etc.. is needed. It didn't sound as though she had had much experience with children.

Karoleann Sat 12-Nov-16 07:51:34

Swimming pool not unreasonable if you didn't tell her beforehand.

But your 3 year old running off and her not noticing.....he could have been killed. You definitely need to sack her and that would generally constitute gross misconduct in most nanny contracts.

What were her refs like for her previous jobs?

insancerre Sat 12-Nov-16 07:54:25

The road incident would be gross misconduct and would be instant dismissal

OldBootNewBoots Sat 12-Nov-16 07:57:00

Yes sack - my nanny could be a bit disorganised but was always absolutely 100% on safety issues and the dc adored her, I don't think disorganisation and not keeping the dc safe are necessarily related but the road incident is an absolute no-no

Errppppp Sat 12-Nov-16 20:39:14

Swimming pool is ok, just about.

Being a little flakey or late or forgetful isn't the end of the world

.....but letting a three year old run out into the road is definitely NOT OK angry

CaesiumTime Sat 12-Nov-16 20:41:54

Safety is non-negotiable and that's a shocking episode. I'd let her go.

Believeitornot Sat 12-Nov-16 20:43:18

Sack her. But have you been telling her about all of the previous incidents and how you feel about them?

DRDG Sat 12-Nov-16 21:57:05

I spoke to her today for about 40 minutes, she has a very different story re road incident. She claims my son was playing near the road but not in it. I don't know the mother who told me about the incident very well but some of the details she included in the story make it very believable so on balance I am inclined to trust her over my nanny in this case.

I have raised a number of issues with her previously. For example we have had to replace lost property for £170 (!) during her 4 weeks with us, plus more in cab fare for the two occasions when I have had to drop everything and quickly get to music lessons etc with pieces of kit that she had left behind. Annoying. We have also discussed how I worry that this absent mindedness might impact more than time keeping and lost property. We live in an area where there have been a number of attempted child abductions over the past few years so being vigilant is key (this is true of any area of course!). If I feel that the person looking after my children isn't 100% alert, that's not ok.

It's a long story but there have been several hiccups during her first month with us, which included a fully paid 2 week introduction where she worked side by side with previous nanny. After this period she was still rather clueless so i ended up accompanying her for parts of the third week.

In today's conversation she confirmed that she is going through a difficult time in her personal life, and she admits that this could be affecting her performance at work. I feel for her, but at the same time I don't feel comfortable with her in charge of my children in view of what has been going on. Heartbreak makes you distracted and if she is unable to pull herself together during her daily (5 hour) shift working with us, then I don't want the children to pay the price for this.

I don't think I can give her any more time to prove herself beyond the probationary period... had she been with us for a longer period, we might have been able to work out some form of arrangement to keep her on and help her during a tough time but she has no history with us so I have nothing to compare with other than 4 underwhelming weeks. It feels to risky to enter into a further employment following such a mixed beginning.

Blackbird82 Sat 12-Nov-16 22:24:58

She sounds totally incompetent and untrustworthy- oh and a liar if the other lady was telling the truth about your son running into the road!

Boohoo we all have personal problems, she is using that as justification for her fuck ups. You can't afford for your mind to be elsewhere when looking after other peoples kids.

BratFarrarsPony Sat 12-Nov-16 22:27:03

I would just sack her.

CaesiumTime Sat 12-Nov-16 22:41:51

DRDG, we had nannies for many years, never once had to rush to take forgotten kit or replace lost property.

And I would have never ever left my DC in the sole care of someone who's ability to keep them safe came under question.

I know how difficult it is to find a good nanny but this sounds totally untenable. Good luck.

Errppppp Sat 12-Nov-16 23:08:52

Is she a trained nanny? I might forget the forgetfulness if it were an au pair rather than a nanny confused

Errppppp Sat 12-Nov-16 23:09:13

Forgive not forget

ShatterResistant Sat 12-Nov-16 23:12:37

If you don't trust her, sack her. It really doesn't matter why.

Damselindestress Sat 12-Nov-16 23:13:14

Get rid! After such a serious incident she should be reassuring you it will never happen again and discussing how she will improve, not whinging about her breakup! She's not professional.

Wren1975 Sat 12-Nov-16 23:52:59

We had a couple of nannies when the dc were younger. Handing your child's care, safety and wellbeing over to another person is a difficult thing. Whether your concerns are justified or not, it sounds to me that you don't trust this nanny so will never be really happy leaving your children with her. Once trust is gone, I think it is time to find someone new. You don't want to spend every minute you're away from your children worrying. Worse still, you don't want your concerns to be proved.

VikingChallenger Sat 12-Nov-16 23:58:46

Get rid op, I'd rather go through the inconvenience of having to replace than worry every minute of the day that my kids are not in safe responsible hands.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 13-Nov-16 01:11:02

Absolutely get rid of her

Is she a trained qualified experienced nanny - did you check her ref?

- a child should not be playing by the road at school pick up or anytime

- I can't believe a nanny would leave a child in a building and go shopping

Yes at swim lessons you often can't watch by poolside but you watch from
The cafe - you don't vanish

The trust has gone

user1469928875 Sun 13-Nov-16 01:14:51

Get rid. Why take the chance? I would have no mercy in this situation - bye bye nanny and sharpish. If something happened to one of your children in her care you would never forgive yourself.

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