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Horrible mean nanny - help!

(20 Posts)
posyandi Mon 31-Oct-16 23:34:22


I need advice and help, thank you! sad

I have 3 children aged 6 to 1, I work full time, my husband works abroad until the beginning of next year and my family is abroad.

We hired a nanny a month ago from Germany (our kids are fluent in German). She lives with us. I've had doubts about her gradually building over the past couple of weeks but now I am determined to get rid of her. She has no empathy for our children, she is mean to them, she doesn't play with them or shows them any affection and simply spends her time telling them off. I was feeling it over the past few weeks but I took today off and spent it with her and witnessed it.

My real first big worry started a couple of weeks ago when my 4-year old middle child had a temper tantrum when they arrived at an activity after parking the car and she left her alone in the car and went off, effectively leaving the car park with my other two. She said she only left for 5 minutes but I can't bear to think what could have happened. I know I should have sacked her right there but I am alone and I have no help or solution. I tried to be kind and put it down to inexperience but now that I have seen how unkind she is to them in general I don't feel that my children are safe physically or emotionally around her. My eldest told me that she slapped my middle child once last week.

She has two weeks notice period if I sack her but I don't think she will be professional about it and I worry for my kids for these two weeks. Paying her these two weeks and just letting her go means a lot of money though and I'd rather not do that. Though my children safety is of course much more valuable and I'm ready to go down this route of just getting her her 2-weeks pay and never seeing her again.

I feel I should use the unattendance event as gross professional misconduct to sack her with immediate effect but is it too late to do so? And I have no records of it.

Also she is foreign, will she refuse to leave our home?

I am sure I can get a temporary nanny if needs be though I would prefer to avoid unsettling my children so often but I just need some advice here.

What would you do?

Thank you.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight Mon 31-Oct-16 23:36:37

Surely you can sack her for leaving a child unattened! And slapping shock

posyandi Mon 31-Oct-16 23:38:24

Yes but will she challenge it and say I'm lying? And then she is living in our home, can I just throw her out like this?

posyandi Mon 31-Oct-16 23:40:29

Is it too late to use the unattendance event? Can she challenge the fact that I didn't do it on the spot? Isn't it void if I wait 2 weeks to sack her because of it?

My 6-year old said she slapped her sister, but can I use this?

DialMforMummy Mon 31-Oct-16 23:47:49

I'd get shot of her asafp.
Give her her 2 weeks and have her gone. Your concern and your kids welfare and safety have to be worth the money.
If you recruited her via an agency, get the agency involved.

DialMforMummy Mon 31-Oct-16 23:48:57

And yes, I'd throw her out like this. Tough shit.

posyandi Tue 01-Nov-16 00:26:48

Thank you! I know it sounds obvious and my question sounded silly but I feel isolated and a bit lost.

I need to find a replacement though as I am new to my job and I have no holidays.

Thank you for your messages, it has confirmed and reassured this is the only thing to do. I will pay her her two weeks and get rid of her on the spot.

Seren0805 Tue 01-Nov-16 00:45:10

Good luck, sounds an awful situation

DialMforMummy Tue 01-Nov-16 00:51:59

Good move. How did you find her? Can you complain to her agency?

posyandi Tue 01-Nov-16 06:03:12

It was an online agency (a nanny website essentially).

My only concern is can I sack her giving her two weeks wages and ask her to leave my house? Accommodation and food are included in the contract as she is a live in nanny, so I would be underpaying her then as I owe her accommodation and food for these two weeks?


Cucumber5 Tue 01-Nov-16 06:24:02

Tell the nanny agency about her slapping and leaving kids. Surely that's instant dismissal?

insancerre Tue 01-Nov-16 06:25:08

Have a meeting with her
Write down your version of what happened, i.e. She left your child unattended and when confronted she said it was only 5 minutes
Both sign this
Then tell her you are seeking her for gross misconduct with immediate effect
Give her a letter stating this with the reason

You don't need to let her stay in your house if you feel she may it your children in danger by leaving them on their own

BratFarrarsPony Tue 01-Nov-16 06:28:07

just sack her and ask her to leave the house.
Do not give her any money. She slapped your child and endangered one by leaving her alone in the car. gross misconduct.

Coughingchildren5 Tue 01-Nov-16 06:30:20

Get advice from the agency but you can't leave your kids with someone who you think has been slapping for the sake of money! Are you sure your daughter is clear about what happened? My 6 year old can spin a good story if he isn't happy about something.

Veterinari Tue 01-Nov-16 06:32:08

She's only been with you for a short time. Isn't she still on probation? You don't have to give a reason for dismissal, and unless you have specific proof/have given warnings would be bettter not to as it's difficult to justify why leaving your child in the car is a dismissal event two weeks later. Just say it isn't working out and she's not a good fit for you

Yerazig Tue 01-Nov-16 07:14:21

She sounds like an awful nanny you would have to pay her the two weeks notice anyways, so just pay her the two weeks and ask her to leave immediately for the leaving of your child in your car. But you can't use the word (I'm not saying he isn't telling the truth) of a 6yr olds account of slapping to sack her.

nannynick Tue 01-Nov-16 10:15:05

Are you in the U.K? If so you can dismiss for almost any reason (not discrimination related) within the first two years, as long as you give appropriate notice or pay in lieu of notice.

As she is live-in giving her some notice would be nice so she can make arrangements to travel home, though don't have too long a period of time - just a few days.

Cucumber5 Tue 01-Nov-16 14:05:30

Has she passed her probation period?

posyandi Tue 01-Nov-16 15:08:36

No she is still on probation but on probation the notice is 2 weeks. Also accommodation and food are included in the pay so how to allow for these 2 in the notice payment if I just want to pay her 2 weeks and get rid of her.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 01-Nov-16 15:53:24

You need to get rid if you are not happy

You should have done for gross misconduct after the car incident and contacted the agency

2weeks lay and ether contact agency for emergency nanny or sleek to work and say you need a few days unpaid off work for parental and childcare issues

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