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How do I tell my nanny she has to go?

(14 Posts)
Caper86 Wed 26-Oct-16 21:26:03

Looking for advice (see title)

I hired a nanny/mothers help for a few days a week during my maternity leave (let's call her N1) She's been incredible - we get on well. However, she seems a lost in life and since day one has spoken about all of the other things she intends to do - courses and jobs. Then, 6 weeks into the job she told me she has a new one. She gave me a leaving date and I employed another nanny (N2, who also seems great and I've been excited for her to start next week).

But today N1 told me she no longer wants her new job and wants to stay. I said yes. But gradually throughout the day N1 started to backtrack, saying she might want to do the new job part time, and could she cut her days down with me. I pointed out that I really needed to let N2 know what was going on, to which she replied why don't I give N2 one day a week and let her do the other days (not an option and annoyed she's making suggestions to suit her, not me or my family)

I asked her to let me know what she intends to do by tomorrow so I can tell the N2 whether she's needed, but on reflection I don't think I want N1 to stay on. N2 has told me she can stay until May next year which suits me, but N1 seems to constantly be hunting for something else more 'worthwhile', plus I am a bit annoyed that she has left it this late to change her mind when I've been asking her to specify her leaving date for weeks so I can employ someone else.

So basically, how do I tell her that actually I don't want her stay and will be taking on N2?

LIZS Wed 26-Oct-16 21:31:35

You need to tell her that sorry , her original leaving date still stands . She presumably gave you formal notice and you have employed a replacement. Act like an employer rather than that she is doing you a favour. It isn't like she has no job to go to, it just seems like she wants to hedge her bets but tell her that simply won't work for you.

Applecarts Wed 26-Oct-16 21:35:22

What the pp said. You need to re-establish employer- employee boundaries here. She seems to have forgotten you need a reliable nanny, not some drifter who defaults grudging to your family if nothing else comes along.

Caper86 Wed 26-Oct-16 22:00:48

Thanks. Needed to hear that, today I did feel like it was her telling me what I should do, rather than me making a decision. I have forged a close bond with her as I'm in the house with her all day too, which has made it all complicated.

nannynick Wed 26-Oct-16 22:15:11

You have verbally accepted her relenting on her resignation. So you need to make it clear that part-time is not an option and that if she won't commit to the job then she should resign.
Alternatively you give her notice on the grounds of she is indecisive. You don't have to give a reason, she has been with you for a short period of time so is probably still in probation so you can just give notice that is due under the probation clause. If past probation then you can provide notice as per the contractual agreement.
Either way you need to confirm with her the leaving date... do so in writing/email, so you can give N2 a confirmed start date.

OlennasWimple Wed 26-Oct-16 22:37:10

Quite possible, if she has been backtracking through the day, that she wants to leave after all too. Just talk to her and say that as she has committed to the new job and you have found her replacement that plan still stands.

JoJoSM2 Wed 26-Oct-16 22:49:14

I'd tell her that you need someone who is going to be reliable, committed and interested in staying in the medium/long term. Having thought it through, you feel like you can't keep her.

I'm actually surprised you're so chilled out about the situation - you've got through all the effort of sifting through nannies and employing her and she's messing you around just a few weeks into the job + causing you more stress and wasting time on looking for another candidate... that's very unprofessional and would really wind me up.

Caper86 Wed 26-Oct-16 23:06:02

Olennas - this is what I'm hoping! She may turn round and say that she's changed her mind again and doesn't want to stay, and I can be clear that she can't go back on that now.

Jojo - thanks, I'm going to use your suggested wording. I know, I have been quite wound up about it all day and had a good rant when DP got home (he agrees I need to tell her to go)

PowerPantsRule Thu 27-Oct-16 08:52:48

This is the classis case of an employer being a people pleaser - not a criticism, I recognise it as I am one too. Employing a nanny and keeping boundaries can be quite hard, I tend to become friendly with my nannies, which works fine if they are reasonable and is a disaster if they decide to take the piss! So I had to toughen up and stop being quite so friendly.

You don't need this woman to be your nanny, she sounds like a bit of a dilettante, so i would take the above advice and firmly tell her you accept her resignation and when the other lady will be starting. Good luck, hope your new nanny works out beautifully!

Caper86 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:00:49

No offense taken Power, I realize I've been too soft and maybe crossed the line from employer to friend. I've always been a bit hmm when she's talked about all the other things she wants to do, I realize this isn't a job for life but she has only been with me for a short time and the position is temporary (til I go back to work) so she could hold back on being so open about other jobs...

selly24 Thu 27-Oct-16 18:15:56

Dear N1

I have had some time to reflect on our previous conversations. When it comes to employing someone in our home, it is really important to feel secure and have consistency for the children. Therefore I want to confirm that your last working day with us will be Xxx as we first agreed. N2 is scheduled to start on X.
I feel lucky that my DCs have had your lovely presence around and very fortunate to have found someone who - I hope will also prove to be a great addition (though of course she has some big shoes to fill!)

Thanks for being part of our family and for all you have done to make our lives run smoothly.

Wishing you all the best in your future endeavours and hope we can stay in touch.

Caper86 Thu 27-Oct-16 19:29:33

Right, all has been resolved. I've been waiting all day for her to contact me (as I had asked her to several times) in the hope that she had backtracked so much that she has actually accepted the other job offer. Got to evening and heard nothing so sent her a very nice message saying I've loved you being around but I'm afraid I have to employ N2 blah blah blah. She replied and told me that she had in fact taken the other job and was waiting to tell me tomorrow (her last day)! Thank god I didn't tell N2 not to come next week.

So it's all worked out in the end but I definitely made the right decision - she had no clue what she wanted! Lesson learnt.

OlennasWimple Thu 27-Oct-16 20:59:21

Glad you got the right outcome, and hope N2 works out for you

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 31-Oct-16 18:28:52

I feel sorry for n2. She accepted a job then you were about to say she didn't have it anymore

Luckily you didn't talk to her

Def let n1 go and bet she won't stay in new job long

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