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Should I tell my nanny not to bring people to my house

(63 Posts)
turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:08:17

Some perspective please. I have a nanny who looks after my 1 and 5 year olds. She is lovely and genuinely enjoys her job. I count myself lucky to have her, no complaints.

However, today she had two other nanny friends round with a total of 5 under 4s. They did this a lot during the holidays, which is fair enough but it is becoming a bit more of a regular thing during term. They will turn up after the school run and stay till pick up time, do lunch, the whole shebang.

Now where I am losing my sense of humour. Today, they tried to get one of the kids to go to sleep in my older daughter's bed (nobody asked whether I'm ok with this but heyho). One of them (not mine) tried to shut the curtains and managed to tear the fixings out of the wall. I have no idea how she managed to do that but the rail was rocksolid before and now I have a massive whole in the wall.

They moved a bunch of furniture, including heavy dining room table. I don't want to sound precious but I now have to move it all back.

A couple of other things but this is getting long.

I really don't want a bunch of strangers and assorted kids trashing my home while I'm at work. Would it be unreasonable to tell my lovely nanny no more house visits. She will be upset and I understand my youngest enjoys the company.
Also, on a more practical level, she is insured under my home insurance but no idea how this would extend to other nannies who are also effectively working while here.

All your thoughts much appreciated!

QuiteLikely5 Tue 04-Oct-16 18:11:57

I think it's great to invite other children for a play and a cupcake for their carer but moving furniture/using bedrooms etc would be a massive no no

QuiteLikely5 Tue 04-Oct-16 18:12:39

Oops meant cuppa not cupcake blush

turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:13:59

Thanks Quitelikely. That is kind of how I feel but I just don't know whether other people might find it more acceptable. I feel a bit like my home has been invaded tbh.

wizzywig Tue 04-Oct-16 18:15:20

Oh dear you'll have to tell her it has to stop. At least put everything back to where it was. Plus as you said, the insurance wouldnt cover any accidents that occur (unless, im guessing, that the nannys themselves have liability insurance)

GizmoFrisby Tue 04-Oct-16 18:15:22

I don't have a nanny but I would be really pissed off if this was my house. Your nanny should pay for the damage. You don't even know these people she's got in your house. Anything could happen and anything could get broken or go missing/get stolen. I'd be going mad. Yanbu. She needs to have some respect. It's not her house. Hope you get it sorted flowers

PoppyPicklesPenguin Tue 04-Oct-16 18:16:27

I wouldn't be happy about this at all. The furniture moving is completely unacceptable.

I think she should have asked you prior to inviting other nannies and children into your home. I wouldn't mind on the odd occasion especially if DC liked the other children, but as a rule no I don't think it is on at all.

rubyslippers Tue 04-Oct-16 18:16:44

It's good for nannies to do this as nannying can be isolating

However, you can pull her up on The wall being trashed and moving furniture etc

I would set some ground rules with her and maybe a maximum number of nannies and children at one time

MrsHulk Tue 04-Oct-16 18:16:52

I think play dates are great, but she is taking the piss.

You need to set some clear ground rules about what is or is not acceptable. I'd be very annoyed about my furniture being moved, and would expect any damage to be paid for.

turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:17:26

Thanks all. That is reassuring. I'll tell her playdates are fine but these all-day stays will have to stop. She'll be mortified.

NataliaOsipova Tue 04-Oct-16 18:18:17

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You're her employer - if you're not happy with how she's doing her job, then it's your prerogative to state the terms. She's taking the mick a bit, I think. I always found it an easy day to have/take the kids on a play date. You sit and drink coffee while chatting with other mums...with 3 of you loosely keeping an eye on all the kids. You're not engaging with your own children on a 1-1 or 1-2 basis. So while I think it's fine as a holiday/once a week activity, it's not on every day. And that's before we take into account the trashing of your house.....!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Tue 04-Oct-16 18:18:26

YANBU.

I think it'd be OK to use your home for occasional meet ups bit not as a regular play centre.

turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:19:21

Oops, loads of answers, thank you. No I won't ask her to cover the damage but yes, need to be clearer about ground rules.

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 04-Oct-16 18:22:53

I think your being walked over. There's absolutely no way a professional nanny would think that it's ok to have friends over for an entire day.
As for moving the furniture, letting another child sleep in your DC bed and fixtures being ripped out of walls, well frankly she's taking the piss. And this is just the stuff you know about...

turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:26:03

Yes, feel like I have been a bit of a mug. To clarify, it is not every day and they take turns but it has become too much for me.

IhatchedaSnorlax Tue 04-Oct-16 18:28:24

Agree with the others - tell her it's not on. Occasional play dates with one other child / nanny would be fine, but not groups & certainly no moving of furniture or naps etc. If children need a nap, they should be taken to their own home.

Also, as a pp pointed out, I doubt she's engaging with your DC very much whilst entertaining friends.

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 04-Oct-16 18:33:55

As Ihatched said would be highly suspicious of just how much care she is giving your DCs.

turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:36:32

Thanks all. Pretty unanimous. I am very happy with the care she gives. Children are genuinely happy with her. She also goes to local groups and my friends tell me she is very engaged and loving.

lilydaisyrose Tue 04-Oct-16 18:40:03

I don't have a nanny and have no experience, but think I'd be most cross about the food & drink consumed by multiple people that I'd then have to replace!

Do you know any of the other nannys' families?

turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:42:58

Hi lilydaisyrose. They do actually bring food so no complaints there. I really don't think I'd mind a morning visit (although still worried about insurance - would be most grateful if anyone knows about this. I would presume other nannies are also insured via their employer only).

FreeButtonBee Tue 04-Oct-16 18:43:37

I don't mind this as a once a week/fortnight thing but it's polite to ask before having other kids in bedrooms. I've specifically okayed this but I know most of the other nannys/kids from mat leave and I have 3 under 5 and nanny walks everywhere with them as doesn't drive so actually it's nice for them to stay at home but have company. If she hasn't at least offered to pay for the damage (I wouldn't accept but it should. E offered) then I'd be pretty hmm

turinbrakesarefab Tue 04-Oct-16 18:44:21

And sorry, don't know other families.

confuugled1 Tue 04-Oct-16 18:45:01

I'd also want to know exactly how the curtain rail was ripped out of the wall given that you reasonably thought it was securely fitted - it's not a normal thing to do.
I'd probably initially pitch it as being worried about the other Windows having similar problems and want to test out what happened but I'd suspect that it was the young child that was sleeping in there waking up and trying to open them and sort of climbing on them that initiated the problem - which leads back to were the DC being supervised enough and why should you have to pay for it??!!??

BuggertheTabloids Tue 04-Oct-16 18:47:36

This is totally unacceptable IMO. I have had several nannies and none would have done this.
I did allow occasional play dates, but only if I already knew the families involved, and on each occasion my nanny would check it was ok with me in advance. I don't want strangers in my house!
As for the rest, totally out of order.

stayathomegardener Tue 04-Oct-16 18:47:46

I imagine your nanny is friends with the others in the group and it is more a social event for her.
I think it is unrealistic to say no more playdates as your own DC may actually want their friends round at some point.
If you said no more than one other nanny at a time this would break up the routine of the group going from one house to another for an easy day.
Plus naps and furniture moving is overstepping the boundaries and needs to be stopped.

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