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Should I ask childminder to delay naptime?

(24 Posts)
SwirlyHair Fri 23-Sep-16 22:13:54

My 2.5 year old currently spends one day a week with my childminder (I use the term loosely, it is actually an informal but paid arrangement with a friend). She doesn't look after any other children.

He has his nap about 2 hours earlier at her house than he does at home. This seems to be having an effect where he wakes up about 2 hours earlier the next morning. It doesn't make a lot of sense as he is still having the same bedtime either way, but I feel that maybe the earlier naptime sets his internal clock 2 hours earlier!

Normally it's not a problem as he goes back to normal routine in the following days, but soon she'll be having him for 3 days a week so it'll be more constant. I'm now in early stages of pregnancy with baby #2 and as things progress I will be really disappointed if we end up with early wakings every day.

On the other hand, she does a lot of active stuff with him when she looks after him so he is understandably knackered much earlier than he is on days at home pottering around the house. So I feel a little guilty asking her to delay the nap when I'm told he is genuinely ready for his nap by that point. I wouldn't expect her to stop taking him out on long walks or to keep him awake if he's desperately tired.

I don't know what to do. DH and I really love our sleep and I want to enjoy a well rested few months before the newborn sleep theif arrives! But I don't want to upset her either. I have made hints before but that didn't really help. Argh, so awkward.

Any advice?

grandmainmypocket Fri 23-Sep-16 22:22:09

I guess it depends on what time the nap time is when he's with her. You haven't mentioned it in your post.

It's important to have an honest conversation with her but I think my advice would differ depending on the time she's putting him to nap.

SwirlyHair Fri 23-Sep-16 22:39:15

He normally naps around 2-4pm here but at her house he naps around 12-2, sometimes has an extra hour there as well.

Cakescakescakes Fri 23-Sep-16 22:47:47

2-4 seems very late for a toddler nap?

byhec Fri 23-Sep-16 22:48:54

If he is easily napping 2 hours earlier at the childminders he must be tired...and would be hard to keep him awake for an extra 2 hours so i'd just go with it...

underneaththeash Fri 23-Sep-16 22:50:59

If you're in the UK he legally cannot be looked after at her house unless she is a registered childminder.

So all you need to do is tell her this and employ her as a nanny and then insist that your LO sleeps from 2-4pm at your house.

If she's also looking after other children it may well be that she's doing school run at that time and it's not

There's a very good chance 2-4 doesn't work for her-school runs, afternoon activities etc

Dencar Sat 24-Sep-16 08:52:21

OP's original post states

"She doesn't look after any other children"

I would assume that means there is no school runs !?!

dancemom Sat 24-Sep-16 09:03:59

Is he waking up 2 hours earlier i.e. at 7am? Or waking up in the early hours?

Simmi1 Sat 24-Sep-16 09:08:43

2-4pm does sound late for a toddler nap. Does he only wake up early when he's been with your friend the day before? My toddler maps when she's at nursery but usually doesn't at home - her waking times are anywhere from 6am- 7.30am regardless of whether she napped or not confused

Sootica Sat 24-Sep-16 09:15:55

What does the rest of his day look like at home wrt wake up, lunch, bed and after a CM day

NuffSaidSam Sat 24-Sep-16 11:53:59

12pm does seem early for a toddler nap (but the 2pm does seem a little late!).

What's odd is that if he goes to bed at the same time and then gets up 2 hours early, he's having 2 hours less sleep everytime he comes back from the childminder? I would be concerned that she's letting him sleep much longer than 2 hours....maybe putting him down earlier, but then not getting him up until normal time.

I would try and reach a compromise with the sleep time, so maybe ask her to push him to 12:30pm/1pm if she can. He shouldn't be so unbelievably shattered that he can't last half an hour extra. Then after a while you can push back until 1pm/1:30pm. Also, reiterate that he shouldn't have more than two hours.

The other possibility is that he misses you when he's with the your friend and so when he wakes early, instead of dozing back off like he normally would, he wants to get up and play!

grandmainmypocket Sat 24-Sep-16 12:12:27

Thinking about my experience and reading all the threads it's got me thinking.

It's extremely likely he's sleeping for more than 2 hours. So the time of the nap isn't the problem. Otherwise the whole thing doesn't make sense.

HSMMaCM Sat 24-Sep-16 12:38:53

--Putting aside the fact that depending on where you live this may be illegal and she may not be paying tax on her earnings.
Just ask her. She may be giving him an early lunch and this triggers his sleep routine. This could be so she can sit down and have a quiet lunch herself. It could be for another reason.

As a PP said, employ her as a nanny at your house and tell her what time you want him to sleep.

SwirlyHair Sat 24-Sep-16 18:42:12

Thanks, this is all food for thought. I am wondering about what NuffSaid suggested... wanting to get up earlier to make up for lost mummy time, does sound a bit like something my DS would do.

I wasn't aware of any legal issues. Will investigate, thanks for the info.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 24-Sep-16 21:43:28

I take it your friend isn't a registered cm and doesn't have relevant first aid -dbs insurance etc

Seems very strange the day after she has him that your child wakes 2hrs earlier. Assuming 5am instead of 7am?

Just ask her to do sleep 1-3

Agree 12 early and 2-4 seems late. What time do they go to bed in the evening?

SwirlyHair Sat 24-Sep-16 21:53:09

No, I must admit I'm being sleep-greedy... his usual wake up time is about 8 or 9 for us, sometimes later (I know this is unusual at that age) whereas after spending the day with her he'll be up by 7. His bedtime is 8pm. I'm aware this is about an hour later than usual toddler bedtimes but it works for us. He really does get a lot of sleep.

I do wonder if the routine at hers, with an earlier nap, might be the more 'natural' routine for him though, as it's closer to what most toddlers do. But if you have a child who is happy to sleep until 9am it's a bit frustrating if that has to change when he was perfectly fine with the later routine - I was hoping for a few more months of sleeping bliss blush

Mycraneisfixed Sat 24-Sep-16 22:04:32

Childminder has got the right times for a nap. You'll be grateful for the routine when new baby arrives.

NapQueen Sat 24-Sep-16 22:06:39

12 til 2 is a sensible nap time and 7am a sensible wake time. It won't be long and he will be at preschool/school and will have to keep more suitable hours.

Frazzled2207 Sat 24-Sep-16 22:08:13

My son is similar age and i'm insanely jealous that yours sleeps so much! Mine sleeps 8-7 and an hour for a nap at the most, anyway, I don't see anything wrong with asking her to get him to nap a bit later, assuming she's not dealing with stuff like school runs. Maybe however she wants to take him out to stuff in the afternoons? I'm usually out with mine soon after 2.
I think it's potentially tricky legally if she's not a registered childminder, you may get away with it but if there was some kind of mishap things could get sticky. It's definitely very different to getting a family member to mind your kids.

NuffSaidSam Sat 24-Sep-16 22:58:24

Does he get up early on days when he's with the childminder? If he is getting up at 9am I can't see that he could possibly be that tired by 12pm?!

Believeitornot Sun 25-Sep-16 20:34:27

That's such a late wake up! What will happen for school etc? I know a few years off. He must be going to bed late!

HSMMaCM Sun 25-Sep-16 20:58:34

Don't worry about the late waking. DD woke late for years. She still managed to get to school.

PatMustardsMoustache Tue 27-Sep-16 17:50:38

I'm not sure if this makes sense....

7am is not early, by any stretch (DD was 4.30 until she was 6)angry

I would say that if anything he is more rested, meaning to say the quality of his sleep is greater after being with the CM. Sometimes more sleep doesn't equal good sleep...

I can only vouch from experience of sending my children to, and being a CM myself.

As pp have suggested, if you are in the UK and your friend is having your DS for over 3 hours, she needs to be registered with Ofsted, have a DBS for her and any over 16's living in her house, public liability insurance, and first aid certificate...

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