Advanced search

i dismissed my nanny for stealing, now she wants a reference.

(36 Posts)
birdie2shoes Fri 02-Sep-16 15:07:17

I dismissed my nanny as she had been stealing from us. I said i wasn't going to prosecute her but i couldn't give her a reference. here we are a month later and an agency has left a message saying they're calling for a reference. what's the best thing to do here? refuse? tell the truth?

OP’s posts: |
Poocatcherchampion Fri 02-Sep-16 15:08:23

Tell the truth. Why wouldn't you?

NotAPuffin Fri 02-Sep-16 15:08:33

You have to tell the truth.

Unlockable Fri 02-Sep-16 15:08:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 02-Sep-16 15:10:17

Why are you even asking? Of course you tell the truth. Can't believe how hard faced she is actually.

riceuten Fri 02-Sep-16 15:11:25

If you can contact the nanny ask them if they would like

a) no reference
b) a reference that references their theft

The fact they are asking for a reference makes me suspicious they don't actually understand why they were given the push, I must say.

Sgtmajormummy Fri 02-Sep-16 15:11:40

Tell the truth. She's lucky she didn't get prosecuted and the agency need to know about the reasons for her leaving your employment. I'd do it over the phone in a clear but not-for-the-record way. Otherwise you'd be giving her a bad "reference" of sorts.

gamerchick Fri 02-Sep-16 15:12:13

Yeah tell the truth. Save another family.

superram Fri 02-Sep-16 15:12:49

You are on dodgy ground if you put that she stole, in writing, without proof. I would say that she worked for you from x to y and to ring you for further feedback. At least people can then read between the lines.

Unlockable Fri 02-Sep-16 15:15:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldlaundbooth Fri 02-Sep-16 15:16:45

Tell the truth.

rookiemere Fri 02-Sep-16 15:17:50

Personally I wouldn't want to get into it.
I'd tell the agency that you don't wish to provide a reference and you'd already told ex-nanny this and leave it to them to figure out why.

JigglypuffsCaptor Fri 02-Sep-16 15:22:07

Do you have proof she stole from you?

If not give a reference along the lines of "whilst I can not confirm nor deny that "nanny" is a possible petty criminal, many items/belongings/money went missing in my household during her time here. Perhaps it was a coincidence?"

They will get it and you've not slandered her.

birdie2shoes Fri 02-Sep-16 15:28:50

i do have proof yes. thanks everyone for your advice

OP’s posts: |
ImperialBlether Fri 02-Sep-16 15:30:16

I'd say, "Oh I'd love to give a reference! Could you ask them to call me?" and then I'd tell the truth about the theft.

What did she steal?

birdie2shoes Fri 02-Sep-16 15:32:09

she definitely stole money (turns out on a regular basis) and then you begin to wonder what else.

OP’s posts: |
CoconutAndVanilla Fri 02-Sep-16 15:35:55

She stole money?? shockshock no doubt I would tell, if not she could go on and do it to whoever employs her next.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky Fri 02-Sep-16 15:39:10

I worked for an American Company who gave everyone X employee the same reference. What you do is; , write her a 'Statement of Employment' which is basically:

Statement of Employment
X worked for me as a Nanny from X date to y date.
Signed Ms. Birdie2Shoes

Most prospective employers will contact you directly if they want to know more. Be careful how you phrase it but you can make it clear (without leaving yourself open to legal action)

GoblinLittleOwl Fri 02-Sep-16 15:40:53

Refuse to give her a reference as you are not prepared to recommend her; that sends a very clear message without you having to be specific about the reasons, and the burden of proof.

TSSDNCOP Fri 02-Sep-16 15:41:07

Unless the theft was backed with legal action I would avoid mentioning it.

I think the best bet is to decline to provide a reference. That should be damning enough for any subsequent employer.

Oakmaiden Fri 02-Sep-16 15:41:40

"I am not prepared to offer a reference for Miss X"

MrsDeVere Fri 02-Sep-16 15:43:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeenoevilHearnoevilSpeaknoevil Fri 02-Sep-16 15:47:33

I thought is was illegal to give a bad reference? Or is that when it comes to giving it directly to a future employer?

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 02-Sep-16 15:52:11

That's not true, seenoevil. It's illegal to give an untrue reference. If it's true and you can back it up then it's fine.

Peonie7654 Fri 02-Sep-16 15:52:39

Visit would go with

Unfortunately we are unable to give a reference to X as discussed with her previously.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in