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Should I look for new nanny?

(6 Posts)
Cherryrho Wed 17-Aug-16 22:26:26

I really don't know what to do! I had an amazing nanny who went on maternity in May, she is not sure if she wants to go back to work. Since then I've had 2 nannies. My eldest has asd and can be extremely stubborn, refuse to cooperate and hyperactive but with certain people (first nanny, some teachers) he can be great but if people don't 'get him' it's awful. The first lasted 1 month and we mutually agreed it wasn't working out, she has since moved into a different career, she really didn't engage with the children and seemed bored. The one we have at the moment is ok but also she seems to get a little bored and gets frustrated easily. I work from home so she is often coming in to ask for my help with disciplining and is always complaining about things (toddler not eating, being grumpy, his speech is behind) and obviously my eldest. I always support her as much as I can, have sent information on his diagnosis and how to work with him,
Suggesting meal ideas, activities...some days it's fine and she seems enthusiastic, others not so much. I don't see her play with them the way my first did. She sets up activities or puts tv on then makes herself busy with other things whereas my first nanny would sit for ages playing trains or
Duplo, make dens, do crafts, bake etc. This one says she's tried to play and they are not interested and she always seems to prefer to do housework. She is very bubbly and likes to take them out so maybe she prefers being at parks and is different there?
She has another job for 2 days and asked me to swap my days as the other lady is going back to work, I said it would be difficult so she was then told she would lose the other job, she came in and asked if I would increase her pay and her hours as the other job was easier and my children are really difficult, so I've agreed to the different days and increased her money but I'm really peeved off at her saying that about my kids. She is also going off travelling on February and asked if I could keep her job open for her for the 3 months,
I am thinking of options as I will need childcare for at least 1 or 2 days when she is at the other job but not sure whether to find another nanny to work the other days or find another one to replace her.
I don't know whether it will confuse my children as my toddler is already very anxious and seems very unhappy leaving me. Do I stick with one that I'm not overly happy with on the basis that perhaps my children are hard and I'm lucky to have someone or cut my losses and find another?

NuffSaidSam Thu 18-Aug-16 00:23:59

I would look for a new nanny as this one isn't the right match for your family.

I wouldn't be annoyed with your nanny for thinking your children are hard work though, because from your own description they are hard work! You have an older one who 'can be extremely stubborn, refuse to cooperate and hyperactive' and a toddler who is very anxious and unhappy to leave you. That is hard work. It is not to your benefit that a nanny feels unable to comment on that and instead just silently grits her teeth or hands her notice in. You need to work as a team.

Agencies like SNAP who specialise in placing nannies with families who have children with additional needs often do aim for higher pay for their nannies. A harder than normal job usually warrants a higher than usual wage. She isn't particularly unreasonable there either. Although, it doesn't sound as if she approached it particularly sensitively!

Look for a new nanny. Explain from the beginning that your children can be hard work/do need additional support. Acknowledging that early on will make a nanny feel that you understand the difficulty of the role and will be supportive. Tell them that they don't need to do much/any house stuff and you would rather that they play trains etc.

Your current nanny doesn't sound particularly professional or able to cope with this more demanding role. I'm sure you can find someone better suited to you and your DC.

Cherryrho Thu 18-Aug-16 05:07:33

Thanks I don't mind paying more and of course I do agree they are hard work. I also made it very clear that my eldest was hard work and have provided lots of information about his diagnosis and how to deal
With him but as I said plenty of people have no issue with him at all, I don't think my toddler is however at all but he seems to have struggled to adapt with the change and is very unhappy, I also have repeatedly told her that it maybe worth spending time playing with them and getting to know them, I've sat down and played with them
To show how well it works. I've also said I don't expect housework to be done but I think she possibly prefers to do this, she is on her phone a bit (my other one never used her phone when working) and often asks if she can pick up her shopping with the kids, I think she is used to jobs where the kids are really easy and I'm also starting to feel quite down and that I'm a terrible mother down to the comments she makes about my kids. I agree it's better to be honest and I do appreciate it but sometimes I feel it's a little melodramatic and she doesn't notice positives.
I don't know whether I'm being unfair and expecting too much since our first nanny was so good. Also will it confuse them and make things worse if I change again and risk it not working out?

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 18-Aug-16 07:16:37

This nanny is not working out. She is changing the job spec with asking for diff days and tbh a bit cheeky asking for more money

She accepted the job for the days and salary they were

And no guarantee she will def come back after travelling so I would look for a new nanny now

Is it possible they play up more as you work from home and about ?

NuffSaidSam Thu 18-Aug-16 07:21:17

Can you speak to your other nanny and get a feel for if/when she want to come back to work so you have an idea of how long you'll need cover for? Obviously, only if it's appropriate and only in a general chat sense.

If it's short term, I'd have a sit down with the current nanny outline what you've said here and hope things improve.

If it's long term then I'd take the risk on a new nanny. Your children probably will be unsettled by yet another nanny, but that's better than many months with a nanny who doesn't like them. The short term upset is worth it for the long term gain.

Cherryrho Thu 18-Aug-16 09:24:14

I think it's been harder for her as they were used to someone else, I think my eldest plays up when there are too many demands on him which is part of his condition so it's a case of training her, my younger one is seeking attention I think as I don't believe she plays with him enough. I also think children have a sixth sense of knowing when someone doesn't like them! I know my children are hard work but ultimately I want to know that they are being cared for by someone who doesn't think they are brats! As another example she kept telling me to take my toddler to the dr as he had been whinging for a few days, so when I did and came back she didn't once ask how we got on?! Little things like that...I don't want to have someone who just sees it as a job they get paid for. Am I being unreasonable or expecting too much?

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