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DS doesn't want to be with aupair

(6 Posts)
TiverMeShimbers Mon 25-Jul-16 11:26:25

I have 3 DCs. 11, 8 & youngest DS has just turned 5.

I work part time & DS has been in nursery and at a childminders since he was 6 months old. He is a bit clingy (always wants lots of cuddles from DH & I before we go anywhere), but would always go to nursery quite happily.

We have an aupair (A) in our house for the summer (first time) and although the older 2 genuinely like and enjoy being with A, DS has taken against A. He doesn't want A to help him with anything...e.g. if A butters his toast he will not eat it, if A tells DS that he is wearing a nice tshirt, DS takes it off.

I think DS thinks that if A was not there then I would be at home looking after him. I've tried to explain that I would still have to go to work, but he doesn't seem to understand. He says he just wants to be with me and I think he hasn't adjusted to the change of having someone new in the house (it has only been 2 weeks).

A is lovely and is being very patient, but is obviously feeling hurt by this rejection and it's very upsetting for us all to be living with. I have engineered it today so that DS & A are spending a day on their own for the 1st time and I'm hoping this will help them bond.

Any ideas of how to deal with this or suggestions about how to improve their relationship would be great thanks.

PinPon Mon 25-Jul-16 11:44:13

How about getting your son to show A how to do things that he enjoys. For example, could he show her the way to the shop so she could buy ice cream for them both.

It might make him feel more in charge of the relationship in a positive way.

I hope things improve. Let us know how you get on and what works / doesn't work.

Gusthetheatrecat Tue 26-Jul-16 11:06:25

We've had four au pairs now, and our middle girl took against our first one. Tbh we never overcame this as she was with us such a short time (summer only, preagreed)! But I know how upsetting it can be.
With our next au pair we took things v slowly with her and DD2, didn't force it, never created any opportunities for conflict. But I engineered a few 'nice things' for them - they watched a special film together one day. And as above, one day the au pair told DD2 that she wanted to buy some kinder eggs but didn't know where the shop was - they went off together very happily! Hang in there. And reassure your au pair as much as you can, it must be so upsetting for her as well.

TiverMeShimbers Tue 26-Jul-16 13:43:20

Thanks for the advice. Yesterday seemed to go much better - they were on their own from 9am - 2:30pm while the older 2 were out. A took DS for a bike ride & for cake in a cafe and when I came home they were playing HotWeels. DS even let A read him a story! And he didn't howl when I left for work today, so looks like we might have turned a corner.

I like the idea of DS showing A how to do something or where something is. Will work on that next...

PotOfYoghurt Tue 26-Jul-16 19:59:42

Glad that they had a better day. I agree with finding special things for them to do to engineer a bond, is there anything DS has been wanting to do but you haven't gotten around to? Maybe the cinema or the zoo etc?

PinPon Tue 26-Jul-16 21:36:41

I'm glad things are going better for you - it's so much easier when everyone gets along well. Hope this is the start of a great summer for all of you.

Our new au pair starts in a couple of weeks so I'm thinking of ways to help her develop good relationships with my children.

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