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it's really hard to stay prefessional when sacking a nanny you're unhappy with

(46 Posts)
nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:24:48

I want to scream and shout and name call, I can't help it.

It's nothing like a normal employee, because of my children.

Anyway, tell me I'm not alone please.

I realise not everyone is going to get on with everyone and that this is common with nannying.
But the nanny I employed, which you guys on here early on told me didn't seem suitable, just hasn't bonded with my youngest (5) and what more seems to put the blame of that on my child.

She referred to her (to me) as "a right little madam", which I hear some people use, but to me it's incredibly sexist and judgmental and just horrible to call anyone, but totally unprofessional for a childcare giver IMO.
She also said my daughter was unbearable whilst having a tantrum.

I feel incredibly hurt that she so clearly doesn't like my child and this is where it's really, really tempting to be horrible back.

Sunnsoo Sun 12-Jun-16 12:25:46

Oh dear... I suppose your daughter is perfect then?

judith123321 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:27:25

Raise your kid yourself then

originalmavis Sun 12-Jun-16 12:29:14

Lay out your issues?

A wee madam having a horrible tantrum (at 5 not 3) sounds like hard work. And she did say it to you and not the postman. She criticised the behaviour not the child by the sounds of it.

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 12-Jun-16 12:29:16

Helpful responses hmm.

PurpleDaisies Sun 12-Jun-16 12:29:37

She also said my daughter was unbearable whilst having a tantrum.

To be fair, other people's children are often pretty unbearable when they're having a tantrum. Calling her a "little madam" isn't the nicest turn of phrase. Presumably she's just telling you she's finding your daughter challenging and would like some back up from you regarding her behaviour and attitude?

If the arrangement isn't working for you, you're right to end it. I do wonder how realistic your expectations are for the "bonding" between your child and nanny.

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:36:12

yes very hmm

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:37:37

that was for thattimeofyearagain

and yes some bonding surely is needed , my youngest is only 5, the older two would do fine without

originalmavis Sun 12-Jun-16 12:38:30

Why was she thought to be unsuitable to start with?

PurpleDaisies Sun 12-Jun-16 12:40:12

What do you mean by "bonding"? If you mean a friendly relationship where your daughter will do as the nanny asks I agree. You sound as if you want the nanny to love your daughter as her own and overlook her faults. What are you expecting from the nanny?

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:40:25

originalmavis - she refused to come to work when my eldest got chickenpox

PurpleDaisies Sun 12-Jun-16 12:42:01

On what grounds did she refuse to come when the eldest had chickenpox?

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:43:31

purpledaisies - no I mean she hasn't connected with her at all

JoyOdell Sun 12-Jun-16 12:44:06

Ffs, do any of you actually use a nanny?

OP you're not alone, it's horrendous and I face it this week too. Awful.

originalmavis Sun 12-Jun-16 12:44:36

Ah now, if I was nannying I would worry about looking after a sick and possibly contageous child - especially if I had kids myself or looked after elderly parents.

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:45:39

purpledaisies - because she minds (she is a childminder but branched out to nannying) an other child and didn't want to spread it. but chickenpox doesn't spread like that

originalmavis Sun 12-Jun-16 12:46:58

It's like sacking anyone else. I've not sacked a nanny but have let staff go.

Get new nanny lined up. With the old one, be factual, outline timescales, notice, references and severance pay. I'd want her to leave immediately.

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:47:06

joyodelle - I feel your pain.

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:48:31

originalmavis it really isn't like sacking anyone else, there are no feelings involved apart from maybe anger you know. but with a nanny it gets really personal

LIZS Sun 12-Jun-16 12:48:37

You need to keep it factual. Presumably she has been with you less than 2 years. Is she still on probation etc? Does she think it us working?

You may not like hearing about your dd's behaviour like that but better than her bitching to other nannies or parents. Do you refer in similar terms perhaps? Will your dd behave better for others? If not be prepared for more of the same with future childcarers.

originalmavis Sun 12-Jun-16 12:53:04

Of course it is. I've had to let people go that I have fought hard to keep. Also people who were complete pains in the backside and very litigious.

Get on with it. You are making this into a Big Thing. You don't like her, she hadn't harmed or abused the kids, and whinged to you about one child's behaviour. Nobody died.

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:53:51

No I don't name call. What? It's been just over a month. My daughter needs someone to engage her yes, the temp nanny I have is great. When I come home I can sense the calm rather than the stress in my daughter.

I have been trying to find another nanny, but good ones are hard to come by. I shouldn't have let her stay this long when I knew from day one it wasn't working out.

Still want to scream and shout though

thecatfromjapan Sun 12-Jun-16 12:56:05

Bizarre early responses.hmm
She's not cut out to be a nanny, frankly.
She doesn't have a positive relationship with the children - which is a non-negotiable necessity, no ifs, no buts. She is ridiculously poor at managing her relationship with employers (who says what she said to parents - you - for goodness' sake!). She isn't willing to do the work a nanny, rather than a childminder, does, eg. Looking after chdren when ill. If you'd wanted a childminder, you'd have employed a (cheaper) childminder.

Take the emotion and drama out of it. It's not working. And use this experience to define - for yourself - the key skills you're looking for in a nanny.

Clue: positive relationships with children is utterly crucial. As is ability to look after them, even when ill. And to be able to communicate effectively with you: the parent/employer.

nicegirl73 Sun 12-Jun-16 12:58:34

thecatfrom japan - thank you, yes all you're saying is true.

I think that's why I'm on here, to try and separate the two. thank you

JoyOdell Sun 12-Jun-16 13:00:50

Mine has been bitching to other parents - MY friends. All about how she wouldn't let her child behave that way... She doesn't have any.
(This was about a 4 year old jumping on the sofa, something he's not done once in my care and I was a SAHM for all of his life until very recently).

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