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Am I really bad Aupair?

(17 Posts)
Great88 Wed 01-Jun-16 13:33:12

Hey there! I posting my story because I am really upset about this and I would like if you could tell me your opinium of me according this true story.

SO the first sorry for my English. smile

I am 20 years oldAu Pair but it is my the first experience to live in foreign country and do this. Actually the second right now because now I have a new family.
So I started my the first Au pair occupation on 3rd May and end on 23 May. Why? Because I am very bad. sad So if I started Host mom showed me lots of thing and rules around the house and children and I got the best schedulle in the world. So She was super orginise so everything has the place and time and everythimg must be perfect. House was huge and looks like a palace. And I did lots of mistakes. The first mistakes was I didn't forgot locked the house in central London. I was stupid that I thought that it is alright. No it wasn't Lady shouted to me and I felt very sad. I wasn't strict and I did everything what children wanted eg. if they wanted icecream I bought it but it wasn't good also Lady shouted to me due to icecream. I did housework including ironing, washing loundry and put on dryer empty dishowasher. Dishwasher was alright nothing hard but I couldn't iron well so shirts looked bad but on my third ironing was iprove and lady was satisfied of this. Cooking. You know I wanted to do all well but I felt so anxiety and in tense because lady was really angry and bossy if I did something bad. So due to my feeling I burned the rice twice time. And she was furious. She shouted to me maybe 4times a week and I felt very unwell so I started selfharm. I don't know why but suddenly in the bad moment when she shouted to me I put a knife and I did it. I felt better. Maybe I am very stupid person because in the first moment I felt happy and powerfull so I shared pics of house with my friend. I didn't know that it isn't allowed. And also I tryed to met new people and find boyfriend and I thought that online dating is good idea but not they didn't like online dating. And I had work phone and because I had english simcard in this phone I used the most and I taked pics of me in underwear and send to my "online boyfriend" And what happend in the end? I was sleepover in my friend who I met via online dating but he was nice still is. nd I like him. ANd I was robbed but I thought that I had passport but luckily not passport was in my room but I didn't know. So I talked to her husbend that I hadn't passport. So it was on Sunday and I was sleep as usual I was ready at 7. A.M. did breakfest for children was with children at school doing ironing and on midday she was arrived and talking me. Eva you must go because you liyed my husband about passport so I was confused because I still thought that my passport was stolen. But you know she had to be in my room and my passport was in my clothet and she kew it. SO she had to non respect my privite area. but Anyway about liyng I was liyng about that I met her ex aupair but actully not because she texted me that she could'nt but I was out and I really didn't want to go back because I felt anxiety more and more in the house. So I just said Yes I was with her and it was great. But I am not good liyer so she noticed that I did it. Second lie was about dryer. Actully it wsn't lie but she thought that it was. SOmething was seperated on dryer and I forgot to tell her. And third lie was about my passport. sad

In the end she kicked me out in one hour II had to packed my thinkgs and go. SHe did me sallery with 20pounds extra but I felt so bad if I was in the street I anted to die but luckily I was"online" so I met boy who arrived to me and I was in his house for week and found a new family. So now I am in a new family in single dad who is in work during the day I have less salery and less work children are older and 15 years old girl is like my friend I love her. No stress about staff he didn't show me quite nothing but he is free he didn't have everything percect and he has fridge full about junk fried food and children normály eat sweets and icecream. SO I feel much better and happier but I am still worry that I will be bad and he kicck me out as the lady.

OP’s posts: |
Lonecatwithkitten Wed 01-Jun-16 14:07:44

I am going divide this up for you:
Not locking the house is really not good and in many places in the UK thieves would have burgled the house and the family would not have been insured. Always, always lock the house.
Going into your room is wrong they should not have done this.
Shouting at you us wrong, you are young and you will make mistakes. If you have an au pair you should expect some mistakes.
Your passport, they should not have taken, but did they think you were an EU national and in fact you are not? In which case you may need a visa to work and without it the family could have very big fines.
Finally please don't send anyone photos of you in your underwear this is very, very risky for you. Look on Facebook for au pairs in your area, this is a much safer way to find friends.
No you are not a bad au pair.

Great88 Wed 01-Jun-16 14:56:38

Thank you for reply. I don't need visa I am Czech. They also didn't allowed to deleted my work phone so they also read my email and texts so it is a reason why the know everything.

OP’s posts: |
Lonecatwithkitten Wed 01-Jun-16 18:50:31

The work phone is theirs so never use it for anything you don't want your host family to see.
I think you best off in a new family. Learn from previous family, always remember to lock the house and should be fine.

nicolasixx Wed 01-Jun-16 20:14:37

The other side to this story has been on nappy valley net. I think the family were pretty shaken by their experience with their au pair.

PotOfYoghurt Wed 01-Jun-16 21:32:11

Are you sure you're ready to be living in another country by yourself? I don't think you're quite mature enough by what you've put in your post, or that mentally you're in a healthy place right now. Perhaps it would be best to return home for a little while to have the support of your family.

WellErrr Wed 01-Jun-16 21:35:38


Bambooshoots14 Wed 01-Jun-16 21:46:08

She also requested a UK visa in the Czech Republic for an African man possibly using my friend's address. She took pictures of family photos, the husband's business card, stuff in the house, etc. and sent those to this man.

Is this true?

lamingtonnutty Wed 01-Jun-16 23:49:33

By the sounds of things; yes.

Gardenbirds123 Wed 01-Jun-16 23:59:55

With all due respect, Sounds like you ought to spend some time looking after yourself out before looking after anyone's children .
Perhaps you should consider going home for a bit (giving your new family enough notice to make other arrangements)

TealLove Thu 02-Jun-16 00:11:35

I also think you need to work on your own issues. You don't sound ready for work darling.

Great88 Thu 02-Jun-16 09:53:11

I really don't understand about offeing visa to african man because I never. I promise. On the other hand I can't I am not UK residen't so it isn't possible.

You know now my sitiation is really good. I am still nervous and little anxiety about everything will be bad. But this family usually inite me to their diner out or they told me Eva we are\ÿour friends and I can't forgot if lady told me I am not your friend I am your boss. Anyway due to my anxiety I told the Dady of this family if everything ok if my work is good or something. I was so nervous because this state cleanups is for lady messy but this man told me with smile that everyhing is perfect and the most imortant is be good friend of the girls so luckily it is.

I know you give me advice to go home but I can't to surrender. I really want to be a good Aupair and I really try hard but now I am just little stressful but in this family it is better and better. Thank you for your opinium.

OP’s posts: |
MyNewBearTotoro Thu 02-Jun-16 10:21:58

It does sound like you have made a lot of mistakes, I can understand why the first family felt you weren't a good fit for their family and weren't able to meet their needs. However it is the self-harm which sounds most worrying to me. You are far from home in a country where you're not yet fluent in the language and working in a new role - resilience and confidence are so important in those situations and it sounds like instead you are becoming stressed, anxious and upset when you make mistakes or get told what you've done isn't right. Without being there we can't say whether the first family were fair when they had to point out when you'd done things wrong or whether their reaction was angry enough to feel like bullying but regardless self-harm is not a 'normal' reaction. That is a major warning sign that something is wrong.

I have self-harmed myself, in my teens and into adulthood, so I understand but it is so much harder when you are away from friends and family to stay strong and look after your mental health. I'd also be worried about these men you are meeting potentially seeing you as vulnerable and taking advantage of you in one way or another. Try not to put yourself at risk when you are so far from home.

I agree with the above poster that maybe it would be better to go home, sort out your thoughts and feelings and try au pairing again in a year or so when you feel stronger and happier.

Thatrabbittrickedme Thu 02-Jun-16 11:16:21

In the kindest possible way, as your heart seems to be in the right place regarding the families, you seem too immature and unaware of risk in general to be in charge of children and you could be somewhat of a liability around the home (forgetting to lock the front door In London is quite a shocker)

The lack of personal safety awareness you display would worry me as an employer of au pairs. I have an 8 yo DD and I would not want her exposed to the attitudes you have around online safety.

The first host mother you had sounds pretty awful, things do break etc so not fair to shout at you for this, or for burning the dinner when you were clearly stressed; but reading your post I can see that you did not really take on board the schedule/family rules for looking after the DC so this would be a major issue for me. We expect our au pairs to have a basic understanding of what is good for the children, and giving them everything they want eg ice cream on demand does not work.

If you genuinely want to care for children in the longer term, I would suggest you return home and get a few months experience of childcare there, with the support of your family while you work on your anxiety.

I wish you all the best

Thatrabbittrickedme Thu 02-Jun-16 11:26:03

OP. I'm very sorry, I did miss the part about self harm in your OP and I feel my response may seem a bit harsh now I've picked up on this detail. My advice is the same though, I think you are not ready for this au pairing experience, and while I have deep sympathy for your personal issues, it's still not appropriate for you to be responsible for children until you have resolved the personal stuff with support and counselling while living at home.

Great88 Thu 02-Jun-16 12:41:50

You know I really don't want to go home. OK actualy I ran away from Czech Republic. I haven't support in Czech. I am more safe in UK. For me it is better be homeless in UK than go to the Czech. Personal reason. :/

On the other hand in this family all looks awsome. There is some messy but for them it is tidy so it is fantastic no stress about tidyness. All is so free and alright that I feel much better. And I did self harm only in ex family,.
Now I don't need to do.

OP’s posts: |
Blondeshavemorefun Thu 02-Jun-16 17:17:27

You are not a bad au pair but agree with others that you need to sort yourself /life out before looking after children

The non locking of house is a big one and I can understand the mums fury

Surely you must lock your own home?

Cooking accidents happen - normally as attention isn't being on the food item

Self harming because of the way adults treat you isn't good and you possibly need some help /counselling

Never ever send naked /underwear pics to someone

If a work phone keep all personally stuff off it

Hope new family is nice

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