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Letting go nanny of 20 years....

(30 Posts)
dolphin56 Tue 12-Apr-16 03:38:23

This weekend my youngest daughter got her drivers license, so she is now able to take herself places, and dissolving the role of our nanny. We have had our nanny for 20 years (since my oldest was 3 months old), so my youngest has known her for her whole life. She has picked my daughter up from school every day, taken her to sports/activities, organized around the house, started dinner, and cleaned the house (every Fri for additional $). Both my daughter and our nanny has known this day to be coming for a while, but I can tell my daughter is very upset and sad as she has been with our nanny for hours each day and still remembers adventures they went on from preschool. Our nanny has had a very tough life, having lived in Brazil and having her husband shot and killed right in front of her and her 4 children. She had to leave her kids and come to America (where we took her in to work for us) and send $ back to her family in Brazil. Even though she doesn't speak English very well, my daughter understand her the best because they are around each other the most (and she is taking Spanish). Obviously I am emotional as this woman has spent a third of her life (she is 60 now) looking after my 2 daughters. We would all love for her to stay, but nothing is forever and my daughter clearly doesn't need someone watching her approaching her senior year of high school. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 12-Apr-16 03:48:05

flowers How hard this must be for your family.

It's hard because she pretty well is family to you.

You can always stay in touch? Maybe get together once in awhile?

rockabella Tue 12-Apr-16 03:52:20

It's a hard situation, but you've provided what sounds like great opportunity for someone who needed it and in return received 20 years of loving, dedicated service in return. At 60 would she be able to retire, or find other work easily? Is there an alternative job she could do for you such as keeping on doing the cleaning once a week etc?

At the end of the day, a nanny will always become obsolete in a family as children grow, and they have to move on but this situation is obviously a lot more difficult due to the long-term service and level of attachment! Sorry I can't offer any more advice OP.

Pteranodon Tue 12-Apr-16 04:03:37

Does she live in? Maybe she could stay living with you and find some other work locally if she can't retire.

InionEile Tue 12-Apr-16 04:25:47

Could you recommend her for work in your neighborhood or among your parents' network? I hope her work with you has given her the means to save something for retirement and that she hasn't sent all her earnings home to her family for years, which is a common problem for migrant women unfortunately.

If it is a case that she is losing her home as well as her job maybe you could offer her some time to lodge with you for a while until she finds a new position. Also I would suggest giving her a generous 'golden handshake' type payment in thanks for the wonderful care your family received for 20 years.

dolphin56 Tue 12-Apr-16 05:15:55

Thank you all for your kindness and compassion. We will hope that she will be interested in still cleaning the house on Fridays She does not live with us, and I imagine she will continue to work, for her family is not financially sound and she is still struggling to become a US citizen. I doubt she will be able to find work easily (as our friends' are all grown as well), but she has friends in the area so its possible. She so sweet and understanding; I just can't bear the pain it will cause all of us, especially her and my youngest daughter.

OP’s posts: |
Ringsender2 Tue 12-Apr-16 05:19:06

I thought Brazilians spoke Portuguese?

BitOutOfPractice Tue 12-Apr-16 05:21:51

They do speak Portuguese

dolphin56 Tue 12-Apr-16 05:23:26

Yes, Portuguese is her first language but she can speak English fine.

OP’s posts: |
BitOutOfPractice Tue 12-Apr-16 05:23:54

Why hasn't she learned English or got her American citizenship?

dolphin56 Tue 12-Apr-16 05:36:20

She has learned English! And she is a full citizen next year I believe. The visa/green card process is very tedious and long. She was married to a man for a while just so she could stay in the US, even though he was pretty rotten.

OP’s posts: |
BitOutOfPractice Tue 12-Apr-16 05:46:35

You said she couldn't speak English very well and that she speaks Spanish to your daughter.

The green card process doesn't take 20 years. And is a different process completely from the one to become a citizen.

I speak is someone who has employed the same person as nanny then childminder then "babysitter" for 16 years so I do know a little about how painful a process this can be. Though in my case she is still a big part of my DC's lives.

Lunar1 Tue 12-Apr-16 05:47:01

How on earth can citizenship take more than 20 years!! Have you cot something nice planned for her when she finishes?

Cindy34 Tue 12-Apr-16 06:30:26

I still see a child I first started caring for 19 years ago. I go over for dinner, we watch a movie whilst parents go out. (I get paid) Other times we all go out for dinner, to see a show. (No pay)
So you could still arrange to see her but the permanent role of nanny is redundant, so you need to follow whatever your countries procedure is for making an employee redundant.

Help her find another job by being contactable as a reference.
Be there for her as a friend but detach from being her employer.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 12-Apr-16 08:55:05

Wow at 20yrs. Friend stayed in a job for 14yrs

I was puzzled why nanny couldn't speak good English if been living here for 20yrs ?

You are making her redundant - if she earns £479 gross or more (and assume she does as does 4 days for you not including cleaning) then you will be paying her over £14k in redundancy - 1.5x 479 = £718 X 20 = £14 347 or slightly less if one week at 479 as depending if 40/41 when started working for you

I also feel sad that she has been away from her children all that time - tho hopefully visiting them lots

Yes it will be a wrench for your youngest but sadly the role of the nanny means nannies do move on once not needed

Keep in touch with monthly /bi monthly meets

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 12-Apr-16 08:56:03

Tho not in U.K. USA. Don't know their redundancy laws

dolphin56 Tue 12-Apr-16 21:38:17

I don't quite understand her situation with citizenship as she has had to come back and forth from Brazil several times. She can speak English quite well, though since Portuguese is her native language and she is in constant contact with her family (so she speaks more Portuguese than English). Anyways, that is all besides the point. I guess we will just have to deal with this hard transition sad

OP’s posts: |
BitOutOfPractice Wed 13-Apr-16 01:52:30

I'm going to ask you the question again. Why did you say she speaks Spanish to your daughter?

VimFuego101 Wed 13-Apr-16 01:56:22

I assume she speaks Spanish to the daughter because Spanish is a very common second language which most kids learn in school in the US.

Are you sure she is following the correct process for a green card? There are quite a few charities that can help her apply and make sure the paperwork gets done correctly.

AndNowItsSeven Wed 13-Apr-16 02:03:24

Why did your 16 year old need a nanny? Your post is very confusing.

Canyouforgiveher Wed 13-Apr-16 02:03:40

I live in the US and my children are in private schools and I don't know one person who has a "nanny" who was needed up until senior year of high school.

new one on me.

OP you need to figure out a pretty good termination package for your long-term employee. Also think about health care (presume you provided it) and other benefits.

I'd be way less concerned about the transition for your daughter than the financial transition for your employee. I presume your daughter can still visit this woman, send her cards, have her over for dinner, so it isn't exactly like she is exiting her life for good.

focus on your employees needs and worry less about your daughter's transition - she'll be off to college next year and won't even be thinking about you.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 13-Apr-16 05:03:58

focus on your employees needs and worry less about your daughter's transition - she'll be off to college next year and won't even be thinking about you

This. What on earth does a 16 year old need a nanny for anyway?! confused

After 20 years employment will ypu be providing her with a redundancy package and pension OP?

BitOutOfPractice Wed 13-Apr-16 10:45:31

Erm vim I realise that. confused

But doesn't it seem odd that she's managed to learn the US's 2nd most common language and not English being as she's been in an English speaking workplace for 20 years?

Add to the fact that the op has changed her mind about what is her first language (first Spanish, then Portuguese) and her ability to speak English (first she can't, then she can), I am thoroughly confused.

MadHattersWineParty Wed 13-Apr-16 14:14:03

I found it a bit confusing too re language. Also if it's been 20 years how was she legally able to work for you without the correct paperwork?

blublutoo Thu 14-Apr-16 11:23:53

bitoutofpractice I can't see where the op has once changed the nannies first language? All she says is that she can't speak English very well and that she speaks Spanish to the daughter. Then she says the nannies first language is Portuguese. There's nothing confusing about it. I grew up going to a school where half the pupils learnt German and half learnt french but my first language is English and my second language is Welsh. But I can speak French too. Which is probably the case with the nanny.
op you sound wonderful. Ignore the mean comments. You've provided a great setting for your nanny and it's wonderful that you could afford to keep her on while your daughter was older so that she could get to clubs etc... easier! I'm one of three and growing up it was logistically difficult for my mum to get us all at our relevant clubs on time while working too!

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