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Childminder and extra child

(13 Posts)
vvviola Fri 08-Apr-16 16:56:58

Our childminder brings DC to our house at around 5pm or so, and gives them their dinner (which I prepare the night before and leave in the fridge). The arrangement is that she stays until 6:15, and she is paid until this time, although DH or I often arrive home early and take over.

Recently when we've been getting home, the child who lives next door has been there too. No major problem with this, she's a nice kid, half way between the ages of my DC, and they all get on well.

The problem is, that I'm beginning to feel like we are providing free childcare for the neighbour. The past few times we have come home, the minder has seemed a bit put out that DH or I have sent the child home (long days, tired, want to spend a bit of time with our kids, not supervise an impromptu play date). But we've kind of ignored it.

Except on Tuesday when it happened, I got home very early, expecting to have time for a quiet cuppa before they all arrived (at which point I would have let minder go early - 2 hours early). Except they were all there - including next door child. When I suggested that the child should head home "in a few minutes", the minder said "oh, I'll have to ask [next door mother] what she wants to do". After a bit of back and forth, the child went home and the minder left looking a bit grumpy.

DD1 has also commented once or twice along the lines of "we usually come home and do X, except on the days we come home early because Susie is coming over"

I'm beginning to feel like some arrangement has been made behind our backs and that we are essentially subsidising childcare for our neighbour, in our house, without being told about it.

Should I grin and bear it because the DC get on well, and there's no really harm done other than me feeling like a bit of a mug? Raise it with the minder, with the risk that I've got it totally wrong and I could really upset her?

She's a great minder otherwise, and if was occasionally, or if she wasn't quite so put out, I'd be less bothered. But it seems to be happening at least twice a week at the moment.

vvviola Fri 08-Apr-16 16:57:41

Sorry. That was a bit of a novel blush

WhereInTheWorldToNext Fri 08-Apr-16 17:01:38

Definitely raise it with the minder - if you want to avoid the confrontation you just say that your DC want to do X on a given afternoon (one you know that Susie is always around) and see what she says?

Jackie0 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:01:40

Blimey , so it seems the neighbour is paying the Childminder to take their child in your house ?
All kinds of wrong.
Where is the Childminder and the children before they come to your house?
I'm asking because a Childminder wouldn't usually operate from the family's own home, they would have multiple children in their own house which has been checked and is insured .

DonkeyOaty Fri 08-Apr-16 17:04:08

That's weird

Tell your nanny No more random children in your house thank you

daydreamnation Fri 08-Apr-16 17:08:04

Totally separate issue but shouldn't your childminder only be in her own house? You might want to check the details of her insurance/registration. I was a childminder for years and my insurances only covered me minding in my own home.

vvviola Fri 08-Apr-16 17:10:07

Jackie, she's a friend of the family, and we aren't in the UK, so things are a little different here. We are her only family, and they are usually at her house. The arrangement to bring them down to our house was to give her older DC a bit of time in their house without mindees, allow my DC to have their dinner at a reasonable time, and allow for me providing the food (mainly due to allergies etc). We're all very happy with that arrangement.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if she had extra children at her house (her choice, we've had that arrangement before with our previous minder, it's expected), but having them in ours, without even being asked is irritating.

I suspect she may not be taking money from neighbour at all - so essentially we are paying for neighbour's childcare. Although I don't know what would annoy me more, to be honest.

Jackie0 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:10:45

My thoughts exactly daydream

Jackie0 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:11:31

Sorry , didn't see your update

DonkeyOaty Fri 08-Apr-16 17:13:28

Oh youre not in the UK

Just tell her you don't like it and it needs to stop

Jackie0 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:13:56

Yes , that really isn't on , money or no money.

vvviola Fri 08-Apr-16 23:28:54

Good to hear I'm not being totally unreasonable. My Mum seems to think that, if I was a SAHM the kids would be in and out a all the time, so what does it matter. Except it only appears to be a one-way thing, and nobody (not minder or neighbour) has actually asked or told me what is going on. I think if neighbour had said that things were tricky for her on Tuesdays or Fridays and would I mind if her DD came in for a while, I would be happy enough to agree - it just all feels a bit sneaky or something.

Tanith Sat 09-Apr-16 01:14:15

Sounds to me like it's your neighbour you need to talk to and find out what, if any, arrangement has been made.
That stops your childminder being put in the awkward position of having to turn the child away, although you need to make it clear to her that this isn't an arrangement you've made or been happy with.

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