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Childminder using car

(83 Posts)
Marghitx Tue 29-Mar-16 11:40:06

I’d like some advice on the following situation as it was not the best return to work this morning! Sorry in advance for the long post smile
We are very happy with our child-minder and most importantly, our daughter is. From the start she gave us a choice if we were happy for her to use her car to go around with the kids (3 in total) but we never felt comfortable so we never allowed it. This has never been a problem for 1 year. Today all of a sudden she’s giving us the choice: either we allow her to use her car when and how she wants, or she’s giving us the standard 1 month notice and she won’t work for us anymore. I’m a bit upset because this sounds a lot like blackmail to me .. She also said she’s not entitled to tell us beforehand she’s taking the car (but I’d like to know where my daughter is during the day!). We are not entirely comfortable of giving the authorisation and we feel like we’ve been forced in a situation we’re not happy about. We tried to comprise, asking the grandparents to take over when she needs to use the car. In this way we felt we won’t restrict the other children either. We spoke about it with her but she won’t budge. Am I being too unreasonable? To me it sounds like she wants the car to go around, meeting with other childminders, probably run some errands. I don’t really see the point in having the car as there are several children’s groups were we live, two big parks, so the children are perfectly happy walking everywhere.
Thanks ..

SKYTVADDICT Tue 29-Mar-16 11:45:51

Yabu I am afraid. She is self employed and can run her business as she pleases. Why don't you want your daughter in her car? I think you will be hard pushed to find a childminder that never uses a car although there may be a few about

dementedpixie Tue 29-Mar-16 11:46:29

It's so much easier and faster getting places if you have a car. What is your issue with it? As long as she uses the appropriate child restraint then I don't know why you wouldn't want her to use it

HSMMaCM Tue 29-Mar-16 11:48:52

You'd be very lucky to find a cm who doesn't use their car. There are a few. It seems that she didn't need her car initially and was happy to say she wouldn't drive with your do, but now the needs of her business have changed.

I don't let parents know every time we get in the car. We could never do anything spontaneous. We've been to museums, cafes, zoos, the beach (I did plan that one in advance), different toddler groups, forest walks and many other places we wouldn't have been able to access without the car.

You can ask to check her insurance and have a look at the car seats if it would make you feel better.

Unfortunately if you really want a non driver, you may need to go somewhere else, but that sounds a shame when you already have a good relationship with her.

LemonBreeland Tue 29-Mar-16 11:49:19

YABU. It is her business to run the way she wishes and she has now decided that your lack of allowing her to use the car is restrictive.

What is the reason you don't want her to? I can't understand why it would be an issue for you.

bloodyteenagers Tue 29-Mar-16 11:49:34

She might want to take the children to activities not in the area. Other parents might have mentioned they never go to the beach, zoo, museum whatever and would like this to start happening.
She might have been asked to start collecting/dropping off on of the children.
She might be bored of going to the same places and knows of better outside the area.
She might want to run errands, like normal family life and is restricted and would like her weekends back.

PotteringAlong Tue 29-Mar-16 11:52:01

Has anyone other than you ever driven her? Why do you trust her to look after your DD but not behind the wheel of a car?

Burgerbobismydad Tue 29-Mar-16 11:53:29

Yabu. She runs her business as she sees fit. It isn't "blackmail". If she changes the service she offers, you are free to use this service or give your required notice and find another childminder who offers precisely the service you want (if any one does). You don't employ her so you can't dictate how she does her job. You can only pay for her services, or find another childminder.

VimFuego101 Tue 29-Mar-16 11:54:35


Floralnomad Tue 29-Mar-16 11:58:09

YABU , I thought the whole point of childminders was that they were more like a normal home environment than a nursery and in most normal households you use a car .

kiki22 Tue 29-Mar-16 11:58:26

I don't understand why on earth you would not let her drive your daughter if she's trusted enough to look after her she should be able to drive.

Yabvu you say she wont work for you, she doesn't work for you, you use a service she provides shes not your employee. Have you ever tried walking everywhere with 3 kids it takes forever and if they are tired can be a nightmare. Your being totally unfair I'm shocked you can't see that and even have to ask.

kiki22 Tue 29-Mar-16 12:01:20

Also ive never heard of anyone asking a childminder to update them on their childs whereabouts every time they go somewhere, I currently have no idea where my son is but he's with his childminder so will be safe. Send her to a nursery then you can have control its not fair inflicting you ott rules on the child minder and other kids.

Ughnotagain Tue 29-Mar-16 12:02:03

It's not blackmail. It's probably massively inconvenient for her not to be able to use the car.

Why are you happy for grandparents to drive your child around but not the childminder?

OllyBJolly Tue 29-Mar-16 12:02:17

YA being bizarrely unreasonable. I think you're lucky she's stuck with you so long.

SauvignonPlonker Tue 29-Mar-16 12:04:41

Yes, YABU. I'm afraid it's not for you to dictate how she runs her business.

Perhaps a nanny would be a best option if you don't want your DD in a car & want to know her whereabouts.

Can I ask why you have such strong feelings about your DD being in a car?

pickmeupputmedown Tue 29-Mar-16 12:04:51

YABU As long as you know the car is roadworthy and insured and that the cm has the correct car seats then I don't understand what your objection is.

I don't see it as blackmail. They are entitled to make changes dependent on their circumstances and is giving you the correct notice period.

alltouchedout Tue 29-Mar-16 12:05:27

If you feel comfortable with her caring for your daughter, why don't you feel comfortable with her driving your daughter around?
She isn't blackmailing you. You have a very easy choice- accept her service the way she provides it, or stop using it.
My cm could tell me she wanted to take my dc with her whilst she learned to fly a bloody plane and I'd still probably say "ok!" because I value her so much.

notquitegrownup2 Tue 29-Mar-16 12:11:56

Hmm - tricky. You sent her to a childminder who didn't use a car, and now she is changing her policy - so either you need to come to terms with what she is offering or you need to send your dd elsewhere. It's no good hoping that you will change her mind.

I can entirely understand you wanting to know where your dd is - I was quite an anxious mum when my boys were small, and I know that I would have wanted to know, in case of an accident. However car accidents are relatively rare and chances are that she will only be using it to access a different park, or a woodland to explore - it must be very very boring going to the same park each day, every week.

How about you give it a month or two? You can be looking at other childcare options during that time, but also working out how often and how far your childminder is going in the car. Then you have the choice to give notice and send your dd elsewhere if you want to.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Tue 29-Mar-16 12:23:59

OP is this about road safety? Have your checked your facts? It may be that your DD is no safer walking along the side of a road than she would be in a proper child seat in your CM's car... There are various sources of satistics on children in road accidents, the AA seem to suggests 2 out of 3 children injured in accidents are pedestrians.

Maybe your CM would just like the flexibility to use the car if its tipping it down with rain and windy, rather than walk 3 babies and preschoolers a mile or so in driving rain or stay in all day... I know that when I was a CM we tried to spend a good chunk of time outdoors each day, on walks or at playgrounds, and usually walked to toddlers and music, but neverthelesswith 3 under 2 I took the car if it was raining more than a gentle drizzle, or if one of the kids was a bit snotty grotty (but not proper ill), and I wouldn't have wanted to take on a family who tried to ban me from using my appropriately insured car.

jannier Tue 29-Mar-16 12:37:23

Permission to use a car is one of my musts no permission no contract same as first aid. Its essential to my work as children have needs like groups parks and varying schools and I could have an emergency to attend to.
I don't get permission to take children out locally day by day its globally given to start and only ask for journeys that are outside a 20 minute drive...lots of traffic in my area.

I think your imagining she's going to be doing her own errands every day which is unlikely, although the occasional trio to a supermarket can be fun and educational...we take individual lists and find unusual foods and go if we need ingredients for child-minding or if I've been unable to get to a shop like attending courses at weekends so I might go to get dinner. We don't do a whole shop.

If your not sure about her driving ability why not ask to go for a drive with her and check her documents and car seats.

GrowAndRun Tue 29-Mar-16 12:38:56

Unless you have reason to think that your childminder is a bad driver... ?

Why shouldn't she use a car whilst looking after your children (obviously following all rules / safety / correct child seats etc?) What's the problem with running errands? that's all part of using a childminder.

If you don't want your children getting out and about, you probably want to find a nursery.

Jaynebxl Tue 29-Mar-16 12:40:17

Seriously hope you come back to comment on this OP because I just can't understand why you would say no car. Didn't cross my mind with our childminder.

Coconutty Tue 29-Mar-16 12:45:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marghitx Tue 29-Mar-16 13:04:12

Thanks, some useful advice (notquitegrownup2). She is changing her policy through the contract so that's the main reason for my post. I wasn't aware the car was such a must for some CM, so it took me a bit aback, well at least now I know.
Of course I value my CM, but I value my DD more! So completely my choice how and where to send my DD, being on a scooter, car, train or horse (she will probably love the last one though) smile

DonkeyOaty Tue 29-Mar-16 13:18:49

You need a nanny who works for you alone with no other children to take into account

Do let us know the outcome

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