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how long would you expect it to take for a one year old to settle in a child minders

(8 Posts)
Belleende Tue 09-Feb-16 22:20:45

I am just settling my lo at a new childminders. There is a one year old who has been there ft for a month. She seems to get very distressed, won't let the cm move an inch without screaming, screams at pick up and drop off. My heart breaks for her. However, I am concerned that due to her distress she is monopolising the cm, and my lo, who just tends to get on with stuff might suffer, the screaming does upset her a bit. How long should it take for a child to settle, if they are going to settle at all?

MillieMoodle Tue 09-Feb-16 22:31:50

I think it will depend on the child. DS settled at his childminder within a couple of days at 8 months old. Then settled with a new childminder again within a couple of days at 14 months. He went through a phase aged 3 of being very clingy and not wanting me to leave him, although he was always fine once I'd gone. OTOH, a little girl who went to his second childminder took weeks to settle properly.

HSMMaCM Wed 10-Feb-16 07:28:47

The other child is suffering with separation, but the cm should still be able to play with your LO while holding the other child. She also has two knees, so two children can be cuddled and bounced together. It's really hard to say with hour seeing the situation. The other child will soon become more confident and independent.

Belleende Wed 10-Feb-16 08:31:38

I know it is sep anx but there has been no improvement in a month. She cries if the cm moves away from her at all. She is only not crying when one on one with the cm.

The other little girl won't let my lo be held as well. She pushes her away (which mine thinks is a great game and pushes back).

I didn't let my lo stay for her settling in session yesterday as the other little girl was shrieking so much mine was starting to get upset. If the cm tried to comfort mine the other girl became inconsolable.

The cm has acknowledged that it is the most extreme separtion anxiety she has ever come across.

As things are right now, I don't think I can leave my lo there. I just don't know how long to give it before I start looking elsewhere. Apart from this it is perfect!

HSMMaCM Wed 10-Feb-16 11:46:28

I can completely understand if you want to find someone else. I am currently watching two 2 yr olds playing happily together who were in the same situation last year.

Belleende Wed 10-Feb-16 13:32:56

It is really tough. If I need to look elsewhere then I need to do it soon. I think the cm is struggling as well tbh, and the other children, they get upset when she is distressed. Going back to work was all going so smoothly.

hopelesslydevotedtoGu Thu 11-Feb-16 06:13:42

My child wouldn't be able to relax if another child was shrieking, so if I was in your position I would start looking for another childminder. I haven't heard of a child settling after a month of being unhappy. Depends how much it would affect your child though.

Is the distressed girl calmer when out and about? Does she seem over tired? Would the childminder consider wearing her in a sling on her back so she can play with the others?

My 13 month old wasn't that happy after a month at her first childminder (not nearly as distressed as the girl you describe though), so we moved her, and she was settled by her second day with her new childminder. So I wonder if the fit is good. Nothing you can do about that though!

Eastie77 Thu 11-Feb-16 06:15:57

The other child sounds like my DD (now 2.5) who went through an extreme form of separation anxiety when I returned to work when she was 10 months. It took her weeks to settle with her CM who recently told me DD was one of the most severe cases she had come across in over 20 years of looking after childrenshock

She improved after about a month so I would suggest hanging in for another couple of weeks if you are otherwise happy with the CM?

I feel for you as I actually felt guilty and sorry for the other child the CM looked after when I saw how DD monopolised her. DD is now absolutely fine with her. It has taken her almost a year to warm up to CM's husband but that's another story!

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