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Child minder advice needed.

(46 Posts)
Lalaloopsyscaresme Wed 27-Jan-16 19:25:29

Hi, I am looking for some advice.
I currently have a Dd (18months) being minded two days a week by a local childminder. The CM has advised me that her hours of work have changed due to her own childrens evening activities so she can't meet our needs, I think she basically wants me to change my working hours to suit this.
Obviously I can't and won't do this and neither can ny husband so we have agreed to look for someone else.
So what is the etiquette? Do I tell her we're looking and give her the opportunity to negotiate (although she didn't seem keen to do this)or find someone and then just give her notice? I'm absolutely gutted about this, I almost feel like she has done this to force my hand, and my dd was finally starting to settle with her.
It took me months to find her so I can't see finding someone new being straightforward.

OP’s posts: |
QuiteLikely5 Wed 27-Jan-16 19:28:00

She probably doesn't want to do it at all but by offering you an alternative it makes her look reasonable!

Best to look for someone else

Lalaloopsyscaresme Wed 27-Jan-16 19:37:08

quite sadly that's what I thought, and I don't understand why. We get on well, my DD loves her, I always pay her on time, always pick up on time, if I get out of work early I always pick dd up early but still pay her etc.
If something wasn't working I'd rather she just be honest instead of all this stress.

OP’s posts: |
shutupandshop Wed 27-Jan-16 19:38:26

Does she only mind dd?

Lalaloopsyscaresme Wed 27-Jan-16 19:40:59

No she has a few other mindees, she told me that everyone got told about the hours changing.
So do I start making contacts or do I tell her I am going to have to look elsewhere? This is a very small town so chances are if I contact someone else she might hear about it and I wasn't sure if that was good form?

OP’s posts: |
starry0ne Wed 27-Jan-16 19:41:24

I changed my working hours as a child minder as I felt I was getting no time alone with my own child..

As the minded children are all younger than my own child never gets put first..

I changed mine though as people left , moved on.. Has she given notice of change of hours? She should give notice for change of contract but if hours don't work you need to look elsewhere

StrawberryLeaf Wed 27-Jan-16 19:51:21

I think you should tell her you are going to have to find someone else but say you are disappointed to have to do so.

If it's anything like my town the childminders are all friendly.

Normandy144 Wed 27-Jan-16 19:55:43

I would do as you suggest. Make her aware the changes don't suit you (offer any compromise you can think of) and then wait for her to confirm if she can adjust. If not I think it is fair to then advise her you have no choice but to look elsewhere. She must know that she risks losing you as a result of the changes. My own childminder did this to me - decided she couldn't do Friday's any more - I think it boiled down to the fact her other mindees were mon- Thurs only. It was annoying but luckily my mum was able to swap her day so we did that. You are perfectly in your rights to do this. She will also know of other childminders in the area and may well be able to suggest some to you?

HSMMaCM Thu 28-Jan-16 08:38:27

She might be very happy working with you and your child, but has simply had changes in her own child's life (after school activities) which means she needs to make a change. I'm sure she will quite understand if you can't change your hours and need to look for someone else.

This happened to me early on in my CM career. I cared for 3 children from the same family. Luckily their mother was happy to change her hours (something she had wanted to do anyway), otherwise I would have had to choose between my DD and looking for 3 new mindees.

HSMMaCM Thu 28-Jan-16 08:39:53

You could also ask her if she could recommend someone else?

Lalaloopsyscaresme Thu 28-Jan-16 09:52:35

Tbh what she is quibbling over is the sake of 15 mins, that's what gets me.
I told her at the start that I can't possibly be there any earlier and she said it was no issue, no bother etc, I guess o should have got it in writing.
Yes indeed I'll speak to her next wk, and ask if she knows anyone with vacancies who is willing to meet our needs. Just hate the thought of more upheaval for DD when she had finally settled.

OP’s posts: |
maryann1975 Thu 28-Jan-16 15:05:53

How long have you been with her?
Is there any alternative, ie, could you meet cm at the afterschool club and pick your dc up from there so she could keep cm for you and her dc can still do the activity?
Unfortunately I have found that some parents (not necessarily you) have thought their children are more important than my dc. One parent has changed her working hours (office job) so her dc can do an after school activity, when I said my DC was starting same activity, (different level) and requested either an early finish or have her dc picked up at leisure centre I was met with a Stoney face (she did come round in the end, but wasn't entirely happy) which I thought was unfair. Why do her children deserve to extra clubs but mine don't?
If I found out one of my children was ringing round looking for a new cm, I might be inclined to give notice if I got someone else enquiring. That could leave you with no childcare, which im guessing wouldn't be ideal. Talk to your cm and maybe ask for recommendations of others who can accommodate you possibly.

PhoebeMcPeePee Thu 28-Jan-16 21:30:26

I had to do similar to your cm when one of my children could no longer be dropped home from swimming by another parent. I collect my son and the mum picks up her daughter from the leisure centre so there may be a compromise somewhere definitely worth asking.

Lalaloopsyscaresme Fri 29-Jan-16 07:20:11

I can't pick up /drop off her children because I only finish work at 5 and ut takes me that time to get from the city to her house.
I would never expect her to put my children first but at the same time she is running a business and therefore I do expect professionalism, just like I am expected to display in work. I have had to change my hours but it was a lengthy process, and my boss and I had to discuss it for weeks and put it through flexible working policy etc.
I couldn't just decide one day to move the goal posts and give my boss a weeks notice, no discussion which is basically what she has done to me.

OP’s posts: |
Lalaloopsyscaresme Fri 29-Jan-16 07:26:28

Sorry maryryan I picked up your post wrong.

I don't mean to drip feed BTW, just don't want to out myself. Her dd doesn't start her activity until 7pm so picking my dd from the activity isn't an option. The activity isn't so immediate that she needs to leave as soon as I arrive.

We've been with her for 6 months, I honestly thought it was going so well. She has basically tied my hands, I've had to arrange temporarily for my friend to pick dd up because as I said she's only given me a weeks notice, but I can't ask my friend to commit to this as she has her own children.

OP’s posts: |
Artandco Fri 29-Jan-16 07:27:11

She is self employed so can decide those hours herself. She has given you notice and offered an alterative both which are acting professional in my opinion. You then choose whether to continue the service or not, but not staying because of your hours doesn't reflect how professional or not she is

You have said you had to rearrange your work hours to finish earlier to suit your family so surely you can see she has just done the same

PennyHasNoSurname Fri 29-Jan-16 07:28:20

My DM was a CM when I was growing up and I never did weekday activities (other than going to other friends houses for tea) as she had mindees so couldnt take me. The trade off was she was around all week.

Surely she knew as a CM that her after school hours would be taken up with work and its a decision made on that basis. Id be annoyed that shes changed the circumstances.

Look for a new CM.

VodkaValiumLattePlease Fri 29-Jan-16 07:28:40

You aren't her boss though and the process you had to go through to change your hours is irrelevant, those are the hours she offering her business to be open so you either accept them or give notice and get another childminder/nursery/nanny etc

HSMMaCM Fri 29-Jan-16 07:57:22

I would only complain about the weeks notice if that is different to what you agreed in your contract. If it is what you agreed, then I can't see anything unprofessional.

Lalaloopsyscaresme Fri 29-Jan-16 08:05:34

I know I'm not her boss, I didn't mean to imply that, but I do think a weeks notice is unprofessional, this is my child not some kind of commodity. I hate the fact that I have to even use childcare, it was a hard decision for me to come to, but unfortunately we can't afford for me not to work so I'm stuck.
I think I might possibly go down the day nursery route, at least I know that they won't change the goalposts on a whim.

Thanks for all the advice, I know that I have probably come across as unsympathetic to her position. But at the end of the day her business involves the most important thing in the world to me I did expect more.

OP’s posts: |
Artandco Fri 29-Jan-16 09:31:25

A day nursery can also change timings ist so your aware

Have you considered a nanny or what about an au pair?
An au pair shouldn't care for them all day at that age but they could collect from childminders earlier and do some babysitting. Childminder cost will be less as less hours so not that more expensive. Do childminder until 3pm, then au pair 3-6pm those two days, and they could do some extra hours other days

Au pair is roughly £100 a week for 20 hrs, so they could do two afternoons you work, plus a couple of others to give you some free time/ evening babysitting

Lalaloopsyscaresme Fri 29-Jan-16 09:47:00

art I know that but I think it would be more than a weeks notice and less likely as personal circumstances are not involved. My own mum was a childminder and it was a very tough job, so I have tonnes of empathy for how tough it probably is for her, I have made sure she k ow how much we appreciate her and don't just see it as a business transaction, which unfortunately she has made me feel.
I'm not entitled and I know tge earth doesn't revolve around my dd, but at the same time II didn't expect this. Maybe I'm naive.
I have severe post natal anxiety and so don't think I could cope with a childminder and an au pair, I find it hard trusting one person let alone two.

The reason I posted was really to find out if it would be bad form to look for someone else without telling her, or will I have to tell her I'm looking?

OP’s posts: |
PhoebeMcPeePee Fri 29-Jan-16 11:37:09

A week is very short - are you sure your contract only states 1 weeks notice? This is quite unusual and most CM's I know require 4-6 weeks for either party to amend or terminate.

HSMMaCM Fri 29-Jan-16 12:18:26

A nursery or cm should give you your contracted notice as I said before. What is in your contract?

writingonthewall Fri 29-Jan-16 12:31:55

What is the notice period in your contract? If you accepted a contract with 1w notice then there's not much you can do.

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