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How much childcare do grandparents do?

(42 Posts)
Tweetypie100 Mon 18-Jan-16 17:53:07

Having issues with a pair that I know currently doing EVERYTHING and before I bang on about how reasonable it is, given I don't have kids, I wondered what the norm is...

CMOTDibbler Mon 18-Jan-16 18:01:21

My actual grandparents, or my parents? In both cases its zero as my grandparents are long dead, and neither of ds's grandparents ever have him , it works out the same

bigbadbarry Mon 18-Jan-16 18:02:35

As above, none because they are dead. My children's grandparents? Also (virtually) none because they all live over 200 miles from us.

Arfarfanarf Mon 18-Jan-16 18:03:29

Theyre all dead bar one who is really infirm.

I think unless your parents had you young and you had your kids young its unlikely that your grandlarents are going to be able to help.

NerrSnerr Mon 18-Jan-16 18:04:03

All my grandparents are dead. My child's grandparents do very little as they live about 5 hours away.

YouCantCallMeBetty Mon 18-Jan-16 18:04:45

I'm guessing you mean my parents, so DS' grandparents? If yes, then they have him to stay odd weekends (maybe 4-5 a year), usually a week in the summer, a couple of nights most half terms and then the odd school pick up if I ask. We're too far apart for them to do this regularly and it requires an overnight stay here for them so they maybe do it once or twice a (half) term. ExDP is estranged from both his parents so they do none. My DH's parents are either abroad or ill do also do none for us or DH's siblings.

If you meant my actual grandparents then they do none as they're either sadly no longer of this world or in their 90s wink

Why so interested in someone else's childcare arrangements? Are they affecting you?

confusedandemployed Mon 18-Jan-16 18:06:46

DD's grandparents have her overnight maybe once every couple of months. One set will very occasionally pick her up from nursery but apart from that, very little.

mrsmugoo Mon 18-Jan-16 18:07:40

None for work, every other Friday just for fun.

Finola1step Mon 18-Jan-16 18:07:52

My own GPs are long gone.

My MIL and my Dad have both died. They were in poor health for many years and were sadly not able to be the full on grand parents they would have liked to be.

My mum has health issues. She makes an effort and is great with making dolls clothes etc. My ds has stayed overnight twice. One of these nights was when I was having dd. My ds is nearly 8. My mum has never babysat so we can have an evening out. She made it very clear when I was expecting ds that she would be a Nan not a child minder.

I do recall my FIL reading a story to ds once at bedtime. He also sorted the dc's breakfast one morning over the Xmas break so that DH and I could have a lie in. To be fair, FIL is much better with older gc.

Both Mum and FIL are in their mid 70s.

So anymore details about your situation OP?

TheDaerieQueene Mon 18-Jan-16 18:08:06

My grandparents are all dead except one, and she is in her nineties.

My parents on the other hand do lots - childcare for different grandchildren four days a week, plus ad hoc babysitting on evenings and weekends. I know we're in a lucky minority.

As a previous poster has said, unless your grandparents were young when they had your parents, your parents were young when they had you, and you were young when you had your children, they are unlikely to be young, fit and energetic enough to do much in the way of childcare.

eurochick Mon 18-Jan-16 18:08:23

Actual grandparents? None. They are too far away or too frail?

My daughter's grandparents? Next to none. They have not offered. One comes and stays when I travel for work to help my husband out but we don't get any evenings or weekends "off".

RudeElf Mon 18-Jan-16 18:08:36

My nana is 87 and her vision isnt great so i dont ask her to babysit wink

My mum has my DCs for a few hours on a saturday if i have to work or overnight once every few months if i want to go out. Exps mum has Dc every other wednesday afternoon.

Arfarfanarf Mon 18-Jan-16 18:12:07

Oh. The child's grandparents?
In my case none. They just dont want to.
That's fine. They arent obliged to.

The 'norm' doesnt really exist.
It's just a case of people doing what they are happy to do.

Chrysanthemum5 Mon 18-Jan-16 18:15:00

My parents are dead so they (obviously) don't do any childcare. My ILs are always willing to have the DCs for an hour here or there but my FIL was quite clear that he didn't want to do regular childcare and I think that's fine. I want my DCs to have a lovely time with their GPs not to be having to do homework, arrange tea, take to activities etc

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Mon 18-Jan-16 18:18:29

My grandparents = 0 either elderly/poor/health/deceased

My parents/PILs = 0

And echo what Arf said in regards to there really not being a 'norm'. I know grandparents who are frail and do loads of childcare and then mine who just dont really want to know despite declaring to friends/family/strangers how involved they are hmm

Discogeek Mon 18-Jan-16 18:21:27

My grandparents are dead but my parents do lots of childcare for me as do my in laws.

My mum and dad have DS2 once a week all day and pick DS1 up from school once a week, they also do ad hoc days when I ask. They have both DS's overnight a few times a year and will babysit in the evenings once a month or so.

My MIL also does one day a week childcare for DS2 and her and FIL will do overnights as much as we would let them!

I appreciate I am very fortunate to have this and try my very best to not take any childcare for granted but without their help I would really struggle with working.

My DS's have a wonderful relationship with their grandparents as I did with mine when I was younger.

UmbongoUnchained Mon 18-Jan-16 18:24:21

My mum has my daughter once or twice a month to give me a break so I can go to the cinema or catch up with friends.
My step dad has her once a week while I have a driving lesson as he is retired.

WitchyPoos Mon 18-Jan-16 18:38:01

I used to spend more time at my Nannas than home, I used to get dropped at hers at six am and picked up six in the evening, and stayed over few nights a week.

My son is looked after by my dad once every few months while I go out. It's usually once every six months thinking about it, my birthday in June and work Christmas do. Other than that never , if he sees grandparents I'm usually with him as just visiting.

BackforGood Mon 18-Jan-16 18:45:40

I'm going to assume you mean our parents, rather than our grandparents, otherwise it's quite an odd question.

Noe of my dcs' grandparents did any 'childcare'.
When my parents were alive they'd look after one of mine if I had to take another on e to an appt, or my Mum would occasionally babysit. In-laws would very occasionally babysit, but I read 'childcare' as "looking after the dc whilst I go to work", and if that's what you mean, then we paid people to do this for us.

Paddypaws3 Mon 18-Jan-16 18:51:04

We're really lucky.

Both my parents and MIL have looked after our 3dc for a day per week while I worked. They also will have them at weekends/overnight if we ask (only do this once every couple of months though). They sometimes ask/offer to have them too.

We don't expect anything from them but it is very much appreciated.

museumum Mon 18-Jan-16 19:16:17

My mother in law had my ds for a few hours this morning while I was at a meeting as he was unexpectedly not well enough for nursery. She lives near by and is retired and was happy to help (ds cheerful enough just contagious).
We would have totally understood if she was busy though.

fakenamefornow Mon 18-Jan-16 19:23:44

My grandparents - all dead
DH grandparents - also dead
My parents - none
DH parents - none

My MIL did look after them once for about six hours while I was in hospital having DC3 though. They were both in bed asleep the whole time and DH was home before they woke up in the morning. This was now over seven years ago. When I had dc2 a neighbour looked after dc1 for us.

OldBeanbagz Mon 18-Jan-16 19:23:52

I'm assuming you mean my DC's grandparents since mine were all dead before they were born.

When my DC were younger my ILs (their grandparents) would generally look after them one day a week though since i work from home it was normally a 10-3pm day. I felt it gave them bonding time and they had a very close relationship because of it.

Now the DC are older MIL will babysit for the odd night or two (FIL died a few years ago) and if we're stuck she'll pick them up from school. When she does that i make sure there's always a meal ready for them all.

My own parents (who live about an hour away) don't do much as my dad is not very mobile.

SparklesandBangs Mon 18-Jan-16 19:46:14

My GP - none, only 2 left when DC were born, one chose to move to the other end of the country near her DD, the other was crazy (I spent loads of time with her growing up) but whilst she would 'help' my DM I wouldn't have given her sole care

My DP, loads my mum was an old fashioned housewife and n her early 50s when DC were born, she was quite clear that she wouldn't be my childcare (I worked full time) but was happy to cover the nanny's holidays etc plus weekends, evenings if needed. She is local and great. DF not so much as he worked full time then and didn't really do babies. My DC are now grown up but my parents are still there for them, offering lifts, watching over them when I go away without them. I also have young DNephews as DB is considerably younger than me, both DP help out with them too still despite now being in their 70s, they will do overnights and often have just one over for the day to give SIL a break as there are 3 of them and they fight. DDad is in his element with the boys and now he is retired has plenty of time for them.

My PIL were also in their mid 50s when my DC were born and both had full time jobs, they loved weekend sleepovers though, which was perfect for me and having a social life.

They now have also retired and have 4 more GC who they do loads for, roughly 2-3 full days childcare each week including overnights for both their other children.

We all know that we are very lucky.

Tweetypie100 Mon 18-Jan-16 19:49:19

Sorry I do mean your children's grandparents!!!

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