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nanny needing fertility treatment please help(31 Posts)
Hi lovelies I really need some help and I wasn't to sure where to get opinions. I was hoping someone here might be able to help me.
I'm a nanny to 3 children 2 are at school 1 is not
I have been with the children now as a full time nanny for 4 years.
I'm in a situation at the moment and I'm not to sure what to do. We have recently found out that I have polycystic ovaries, after trying for a baby for the last year. I'm on fertility treatment to make me ovulate and try and help us get pregnant as I don't have a cycle on my own. On the treatment I have to go back for scans each cycle starting at day 12, how many scans I have depends on how I respond. So far I've not had to say anything to my boss cause but I'm not starting another cycle and am back to the scans in a weeks time and I'm not sure how I'm going to play it this month.
I was adamant I wasn't going to say anything, shes always said that im not allowed to have children until her children are all at school, but I don't want to wait that long, although I might not even be pregnant by then depending how I respond to this treatment. If I get pregnant I plan or returning to work with baby obviously I'd have to discuss that with my boss but I'm 95% sure that she would agree.
My predicament I now have is whether I say anything to her or not? I don't no what to do for the best. I don't want to tell her what's going in and her go distant and it ruin the atmosphere but I'm struggling to keep making up reasons. I have a scan a week on Monday, after that I'll need a couple more this cycle but I don't know dates or times until each appointment before which makes it really hard.
shes always said that im not allowed to have children until her children are all at school does she say this in a jokey way or is she really awful? Because that is a terrible thing to say to someone seriously.
She is in no way allowed to tell you when you can and cannot have children! You need to speak to her about the time off you need though.
Can't you just say you have some scans due at hospital over the next few months, nothing serious but they want to check an ongoing thing to make sure all a fine as it should be. You don't have to actually specify what the scans are for do you?
You just need to say you need time off
shes always said that im not allowed to have children until her children are all at school
I hope she is joking?
She really has no right to know the details, and certainly not to dictate to you when to have children!
I would say you're going through some medical issues at the moment that require frequent appointments and you'd rather not go into it in detail. The team are fitting you in as and when so you don't get much notice of the appointments, so inconvenient for everyone, apologies but this is just how it is etc.
If she's a decent human being she'll empathise and try to accommodate you.
Best of luck
She sounds terrible if she is serious! You look after her children and provide a service - this does not make her the boss of your life. She does not have a say in when you can have your own child.
However, she sounds like she'd be a nightmare if she knew you were having fertility treatment. So, I would be tempted to tell a white lie to save a load of grief and say something about needing the time as you have a suspected medical condition that needs attention (half true, really). I'd probably say fibroids or some such if she asked and if she probed further, I'd say I'd prefer not to talk about it.
What do you think? Good luck with ttc x
X-posted with Diggum, whose idea sounds better, anyway.
Thanks for your replies lovelies, I can't work out if she's joking or not she has said it that many times. She kind of half says it jokingly but in a way that I can tell that that is what she really wants to happen.
I thought about doing that and telling her that I need to go for frequent appointments, but I know she'll ask why and I clam up. Shell start with the whole I'm your friend as well and I want to help and we should be honest with each other, and then ill panic.
I go for a scan on Monday the 11th which is fine cause I don't work Mondays but until I get to that scan I won't know when my next will be, it'll probably be Wednesday or Thursday
I'm a childminder and one of my families is always saying things along the lines of 'you can't stop childminding until youngest has left infant school'. Parents just like to know they have picked long term childcare and that the boat isn't going to be rocked by having to find someone else to do the job, then the uncertainty over whether the children will like the person, will settle, have the right dynamics.
I know my family would be gutted i handed my notice in, but they also know that it's my job and I am entitled to finish at any point I want. I'm sure your family know this too. Take it as a compliment, they obvioulsy really like you if they want you to stay.
She doesn't sound sympathetic and tbh none of her business
Do you have any local nanny friends who can have dc while you are apps?
I would say to mb that you have a few doctor apps but to make things easier for me that Dc will be with your friend so that she doesn't need to take any time off
Having gone through 2 private Ivf recently depending on what treatment you are having you will need several scans usually either 2/3 days on the trot depending what your scans show or 2/3/5/7 days apart
Happy to chat privately if will help
Just try to get your appointments for Monday's. If that can't be arranged it's always easier if you can say, I need time off for a medical appointment but I have arranged cover subject to your approval with Nanny X or Y, or a local childminder that the child has met before.
Won't be possible to always have a Monday as will be more then once a week iyswim
"I have a medical issue which is currently being investigated. The investigations need me to attended various hospital appointments, some at short notice. My health does not affect my work, but I have arranged cover by X, when would you like to meet them?".
Thanks for your responses
unfortunately I don't have any nanny friends, the family love in a small village and there is no other nanny's in the area that im aware of. Even when we go out to toddler groups etc I'm the only nanny there, so can't do and I don't think she'd be happy with me doing that anyway.
Blondes were not as far as ivf at the moment we're doing ovulation induction. I have to go for the scans every couple of days to see how my follicles are growing. Fingers crossed for a better month this month as last month didn't work at all
I wouldn't tell her about the IVF especially if you can't arrange cover.
I'd say that you need to have a gynaecological procedure done on Monday and are happy to take half a days holiday (she may then offer for you to take it paid). The when you go in they should be able to tell you the date of the next one and you can tell her that there's a follow up.
Does your boss have a particularly flexible job? If so, it may be worth telling her if things don't work out this month, otherwise you have nothing to gain - its unlikely she'll be able to cover you going to your hospital appointments anyway and you can't take your charge with you.
Karoleann were not doing ivf at the moment we're doing ovulation induction at the moment. I dont ovulate on my own so they give you tablets to try make this happen. I have to go to the hospital for scans to see how my follicles are growing. If I have time of it will be as holiday or unpaid, in the years I've been there I've never been paid for time off ill or anything.
She could be flexible if she wanted she works for her husband who has his own business but it just depends.
I was very open with my employers but they were very supportive and thankfully my appointments tended to fall outside of work, but on the one day it didn't, one of them stayed home until I was able to come. It's not ideal as nanny's tend to be the only childcare.
If she's able to be flexible she should be, even if you just pop out for the scan and come back.
follicle tracking, rem it well, think i was scanned every other day then 2 days in a row
could you get a very late/early appointment or pay for private and go in evening?
some clinics have late evening apps, could you go to a diff clinic?
obv you dont want dc there and tbh many clinics helping with fertility dont allow children there
think only option is to say to mb that you will need some ongoing tests but not mention fertility , as tbh none of her business
are there any mums you do playdates with or could have youngest dc for an hour or two on the dates you need
I've tried for early/late appointments before and there never seems to be any. There always between 11 and 2. We payed at the beginning so we got seen quicker but can't afford to do that for the rest of the process unfortunately. First day back tomo after Christmas so I'm going to have to think of something to say seen as the scans start again next week. I know she'll ask a ton of questions though
How old is the youngest child? If of an age where can be left in a car seat, you can probably take with. I've just done two cycles of IVF and the scans for monitoring follicle growth will be very similar. There were often pre-school aged children in the waiting room. Different if the child is older.
Well, stonewall the questions with 'it's some medical tests/checks that don't affect my work, but I do need to attend the appointments. Let's work out how best to cover the time that I need off.'
Focus on organising the time off, not what medical procedures you're having done. If she talks about being your 'friend' <boak> just say 'oh thanks, i knew you'd understand. Will you be at home or will you be arranging someone else?'
Tbh, I don't think it's your responsibility to organise cover if you have a medical appointment, any more than it's yours to organise her childcare if you're unwel;.
I don't think it's fair on either OP or other people in the clinic to take a child to a fertility appointment, unless it's absolutely unavoidable (childcare arrangement has fallen through at the last minute for example).
OP needs to be able to focus on herself and her needs during her appointment, not worry about a child upsetting others or being tired/bored.
You could tell 'near' the truth and say you need some scans as they're investigating your PCOS, that way you might not feel/appear awkward about telling a white lie.
It's none of her business, though.
Btw I've taken a child to a fertility clinic before. I weighed it up very carefully (I've been in the position of going before and after having any children), and I think it was okay but it does depend on the child you're taking and the layout of the waiting rooms!
think all clinics vary, as i said the ones near me dont allow children as can be upsetting for those who cant conceive - plus some of the examinations arent that nice and hard to relax worrying about a child being there
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