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Lovely au pair but 3yo dos not listening to her

(6 Posts)
Honesttodog Tue 20-Oct-15 09:29:51

Au pair is great at helping around house and settled in well after 2 months. But ds is a pain with her, v rude saying he basically doesn't want her help, or wants to be with me or his Dsis. Maddening. Her English isn't quite good enough to have a really effective commanding voice. I am doing all I can to support her but I know ultimately that she often gets on ds' nerves. Any ideas?

HSMMaCM Wed 21-Oct-15 09:18:57

DS probably does want to be with you or his DSis. He's old enough now for you to tell him not to be rude to the au pair. He's probably just 'being 3'. He's realised his opinion can be listened to and his words have some impact. Give them both a little time to get used to each other.

Karoleann Wed 21-Oct-15 11:36:46

Can you find something for them to bond over - a really exciting afternoon out that she can take him to? Is she particularly good at crafty things, or being outdoors.....our first au pair found it difficult to bond with my older boys until they discovered that they both liked cycling.

It is difficult when there's a language barrier - is she attending her language classes? All mine have improved dramatically in the first two months.

As HSMM says, at three they are old enough to be told off for being rude to someone.

HistoricalCheesecake Wed 21-Oct-15 15:59:53

Agree with everyone above. I also think the language barrier might be part of why your DS just isn't listening to the au pair. The combination of his newly found ability to make coherent verbal demands and her below-average level of English may mean she can't properly stand up to him or discipline him when he misbehaves. Your DS has probably realized that whenever he puts up a fight she flounders and gives in.

3 year olds are very good at sensing when someone is not completely in control and most will take advantage of that. Make sure you help to set down some ground rules on how the au pair should be treated and listened to and follow through with whatever method of discipline you prefer when he strays. Together with finding some shared interests and the au pair's improving English skills, it will hopefully be enough for them to start getting along better soon.

Honesttodog Wed 04-Nov-15 18:57:01

Things are improving slowly, it does take time i think. They get on better when I'm not around!! Trying not to worry too much or else it turns into micro managing ...

wizzywig Fri 06-Nov-15 21:47:05

Have you tried telling your son to listen to her?

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