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What sort of childcare/nanny/au pair do I need ? Could I even find one ?

(16 Posts)
mcrylett Mon 19-Oct-15 22:08:36

Hello Mums.

I'm looking for some advice. Firstly I'm a Dad, not a mum (well Mr Mom) that part might be important. I was widowed almost 7 years ago and since then have raised my two children mostly solo (they are now 8 and 11). I have a childminder that helps but for longer stints (I sometimes have to go away for work 2,3 nights) my own mum used to help. Sadly she passed away a few weeks ago and now find myself in a bit of a pickle.

Not only do I not have anyone to help with more than one night of over night childcare, what free time I did have is quickly vanishing since I've also got a very sad 68 year old man to look after. Less time and even more responsibility.

Live-in or live-out care ? I can guarantee whatever hours would be needed and cost isn't an issue (and a little help with the kids and around the house wouldn't hurt) but it's not a set routine for sure. What I need would be someone that the kids can grow to trust that I would trust (eventually) to leave them with overnight. Also looking at some of these threads a good nanny/au pair seems hard to come by. Would I find one (live in if necessary) since they would be sharing a house with a two kids and a (44) year old bloke.

..bit of a pickle.

Thanks in advance.

HSMMaCM Mon 19-Oct-15 22:13:50

Sounds like you've done an amazing job so far. Can your CM do occasional overnights? How about an au pair, CM combination? You could get a male au pair if you're concerned about the fact you're a man. That's not necessarily an issue though

I'm just speaking as a CM who had helped out a single mum. There will be other knowledgable people along soon I'm sure.

alicemalice Mon 19-Oct-15 22:17:39

I'd go for an au pair plus. Someone who's done the job before and is a bit older or more experienced so you can check references.

You just need to be clear about the overnight care.

You'll find tons of applicants on Au Pair World. I had about 100 in a week.

defineme Mon 19-Oct-15 22:22:00

Sorry about your mum.
would your dad not like to do the might help him feel less sad?

LyndaNotLinda Mon 19-Oct-15 22:26:05

Sorry about your mum flowers

I think you could go one of two ways - either flexible live-out or someone more permanent live-in.

I'm a single mum and when I needed someone to collect my son from school a couple of days a week and stay later occasionally when I had to travel for work, I got a lot of applications from retired women. A decent rate of hourly pay and and a bit of flexibility where they could/would stay over if you needed them might suit someone retired. You could always get a cleaner to help with the house stuff.

Alternatively, you could get an au pair but sole care overnight might mean you'd feel more comfortable if you had someone a bit older. They don't all have to be women if you're worried about that - there's lots of male au pairs smile

holeinmyheart Mon 19-Oct-15 22:35:22

I have had a lot of Au Pairs. Your children are old enough to have an AuPair because they can speak and tell you what is going on.
However, you could really do with someone older as you would be going away odd nights. I don't think a 18 year old would be mature enough.

What about a single mum. Have you got enough room to house a single Mum and one child of roughly the same age as yours? They would have to be home at night and they would have housekeeping skills.
It is quite a big step to have anyone living with you but it could be done if you understand some of the pitfalls and the explore them before you start.

Or a single Mum on benefits could work for you during the day and live in their own home. Single Mums might have a bad press but there are loads of decent ones out there who are in the position through no fault of their own.

You could advertise in your area on Gumtree. Com, and state what you need and see who turns up. You need someone with the same interests and ethos as yourself.

LyndaNotLinda Mon 19-Oct-15 22:38:59

"Or a single Mum on benefits could work for you during the day and live in their own home. Single Mums might have a bad press but there are loads of decent ones out there who are in the position through no fault of their own."

WTAF? What 'fault' have some single mums committed to make them unsuitable to care for other people's children? hmm

mcrylett Mon 19-Oct-15 22:58:23

Thank you. Live out flexible or live in Au Pair Plus (retired ?) is what I need.

...maybe one day my dad would love the job. Sadly after getting married at 19 and widowed at 68 I'm not sure he even knows how to make toast :/ the kids would spend more time looking after him.

LyndaNotLinda Mon 19-Oct-15 23:09:02

If you want to give live out a go, the website is pretty good smile

alicemalice Tue 20-Oct-15 19:53:54

mcrylett - when I say older au pair plus, I mean someone who's say 23 upwards. Just a bit more life experience.

You get lots of 18 year olds applying but I did have au pairs who were up to 30 or so who just wanted to go abroad for a year or two. They were professionals in their own country and were clearly a bit more mature than the school leavers.

Good luck with finding someone.

ssd Tue 20-Oct-15 20:00:01

you sound lovely and a great dad op, good luck finding someone who can make things a bit easier for you, and I'm sorry about your mum and losing your wife too.

and since theres no manly emoticons here have some wine

holeinmyheart Tue 20-Oct-15 20:02:01

linda I wasn't saying single Mums had committed any fault.

mangocoveredlamb Tue 20-Oct-15 20:07:28

My dad was a widower (now remarried!) and when we were growing up we had a housekeeper/nanny who provided occasional evening and over night care when he travelled.
He has said he felt it was important that we had an older stabilising influence!

zzzzz Tue 20-Oct-15 20:07:44

Do you have room for live in?

NuffSaidSam Tue 20-Oct-15 22:14:20

I would try and find a nanny in the local area who could do the overnights.

An au pair could do the job, but they tend to only stay a year or so. You won't get the consistency or long-term care from an au pair and you'll find yourself having to go through the recruitment process again and again.

If you find someone who lives nearby they should hopefully stick around longer. If you only need the overnights then you can be flexible on them doing another job/having their own child/other commitments, which should mean they have no reason to leave.

hackneyLass Wed 21-Oct-15 14:41:50

Like Lynda suggested - my mother in law worked as a 'housekeeper' to a family in her 60s/early 70s. Her employer guaranteed her a certain number of hours a week then flexibility on top. She mostly did afterschool, and some overnights when the parents were away for work. As the children got older and needed her less she filled her time making jam and batch cooking for their freezer! I thought at the time - what a great arrangement - it worked well for both sides, and she provided stability as she wasn't about to move away.

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