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Any one been able to convince an 'anti au pair' DH that it is a good idea

(20 Posts)
toomanywheeliebins Sun 09-Aug-15 09:55:18

I have two DD- one about to start reception and one 2.5 yo. Was thinking that next year when the younger one is 3.5 I might move her to school nursery to have both in the same place and use an au pair to do wrap around. This wouldn't be every day more like 3 days out of five, so au pair would have lots of time off although we might ask for some babysitting etc in evenings as my hours a bit unpredictable and my husband would like to restart a hobby which practices in evening. We live in Zone 2 and could accommodate an au pair easily if our girls shared a large room (something we had been planning to do anyway).
Thought this would be a great solution - but DH v opposed. Won't consider it at all. Doesn't like the idea of having some one in the house. Wants to be able to wander round in his pantsgrin
Has anyone had a similarly sceptical DH and converted them?

DragonRojo Sun 09-Aug-15 10:25:54

have you got an alternative? what is his proposed solution? I must admit I always found it difficult to have aupairs, for the same reason as your DH. I put up with it for a while, as we had little choice, but it really was not nice for me.

Gusthetheatrecat Sun 09-Aug-15 13:17:30

Have you thought of looking for an au pair who only wants to do a few months? Our first au pair was a trial for us - she wanted a summer to improve her language, we wanted to see how it felt having a stranger around. Worst case scenario, we thought, it was only two months and then we'd never do it again. My H was probably more sceptical than I was, but in the event she was with us for about an hour and a half before we realised it was amazing and vowed never to be without one again! Worth asking friends / FB to see if anyone you know knows someone who's looking for a couple of months in London. Is a v attractive prospect to many people.

Artandco Sun 09-Aug-15 13:23:00

Why don't you look at just a part time live out nanny then? They could do say 3 afternoons and one evening a week. And would be at their home in between. Might be what someone with own older children may be looking for if they only want to work part time.

grabaspoon Sun 09-Aug-15 13:26:29

I am a nanny - my dad boss still wonders around in his pants grin it doesn't even register anymore

toomanywheeliebins Sun 09-Aug-15 14:16:48

Thanks for comments- perspectives appreciated.
We currently have complicated arrangements for sept that involve nursery ( quite a distance from school), expensive childminder, his increasingly ageing parents and him (one day). I work three days but they are killer days - at least 35 hours in three days. When things are 'normal', it will be fine but busy but there is no slack in the system. His parents have been away on a long hol (obs reasonable of them), we had a poorly child for a week and both of were insanely busy at work and I had to work long days on my day off (this again I was happy to do as it was business critical) but it was really tricky. I just think an au pair in those circs could have relieved the pressure and obviously we could have fairly compensated them. Also he wants (and I want him) to restart the hobby as it makes him happy but it's so hard to fit it him.
A few months could work well - perhaps over next summer. Will put it to him?

toomanywheeliebins Sun 09-Aug-15 14:18:10

PS I did advertise for after school help. No takers- was offering £11/ gross per hour

Justtoobad Sun 09-Aug-15 14:27:23

I think ap is a great idea especially with your hectic life style....go for saying a trial basis and buy him sexy underpants to wear round house.

toomanywheeliebins Sun 09-Aug-15 15:20:51

That made me laugh grin

Gusthetheatrecat Sun 09-Aug-15 22:56:08

Any of our au pairs would have happily done more hours (which like you we would have paid) in circs like those you describe. In fact my youngest had a wheezy week when it felt like we were in and out of A and E constantly, and it was wonderful knowing all I had to do was pack a bag, and take one child rather than dragging three small children to wait around for hours! Likewise when I was ill our current au pair not only cheerfully looked after the children but also made me lunch and brought me tea in bed! I was so grateful I feel quite emotional remembering it now.
Today I had a thing I wanted to attend this afternoon, so she looked after the girls for an hour or two. If you get the right person (and if your expectations are at the right level) it is a really, really brilliant way of introducing a bit of 'ease' into busy family life.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 10-Aug-15 07:41:49

£11gross for after school isn't great money. Few hour positions are usually better paid

Totally understand why dh doesn't want a live in person. Unless a huge home all privacy goes

toomanywheeliebins Mon 10-Aug-15 09:45:42

Thanks Gus. I don't want to give many details of what I do on here but the nature of job means this is a reasonably regular occurrence.
Would be interested to know what after school rate is- I wasn't asking for experience - just a nice person.
I find my very hands on and generally v nice DH is a bit rubbish when it comes to childcare/ help.
Even when I'm running around like a mad thing, often with him picking up the slack, he things everything is 'fine'

Lightbulbon Mon 10-Aug-15 10:06:58

I thought you could only use au pairs for school aged DCs?

Tbh I think it sounds like too much, aren't they supposed to do a max of 25 hours?

Ifiwasabadger Mon 10-Aug-15 10:17:25

We have a live in nanny....at the outset I really wasn't sure at all.

Now, it is GENIUS. You do have to pick carefully, at the end of the day this woman will see you, warts and all. No make up, pyjamas on etc.

But honestly, it is a life saver. An extra pair of hands around the house. Worth it for weekly babysitting alone! You get over the person in the house part surprisingly quickly.

Once your DH gets into his hobby and you have a few nights out, I am sure it will be embraced smile

toomanywheeliebins Mon 10-Aug-15 10:21:50

I thought it was under 3's although may be wrong. My youngest child would be 3.5 years when we started.
3 x 6 hours after nursery/ school is 18 hours which still leaves plenty of time for one nights baby sitting plus a few other hours

softhedgehog Mon 10-Aug-15 13:57:39

Why don't you look at just a part time live out nanny then? They could do say 3 afternoons and one evening a week.

Very tricky to find someone for limited hours like that, you have to pay well above the going rate as it significantly limits their ability to find other employment

toomanywheeliebins Mon 10-Aug-15 18:12:36

Well I advertised for a cleaner who would pick up children on a local forum. Offering seven hours of work on either Monday or tues at £11/ gross an hour. Inundated with responses, only one turned up to meet me. She was lovely in every way but didn't speak a word of English. I would have been extremely happy with a non English native speaker but it was too much risk with no English at all.

Yukky Mon 10-Aug-15 18:20:02

Get him to talk to a friends husband who has an au pair. My DH was the same but spoke to someone who had one and thinks it's the best idea in the world. Our youngest is only 1 so they are too little at the moment, but give it a few years and we shall hopefully be looking for one too.

The lack of privacy does bother me. Things like vaguely noisey sex or arguing or just getting the hump about something or other and having to be civil because you've got a sort of guest........ But I suspect the benefits outweigh that, -plus I reckon it would help me keep my temper in check a bit more

minderjinx Tue 11-Aug-15 09:00:27

I'm with your DH on the privacy issue. I'd hate to have a virtual stranger in my house day in day out. I'd be wary of overriding his objections or you may have a resentful husband who holds you responsible if it doesn't work out. I'd turn the question round and say what shall we do then?

toomanywheeliebins Tue 11-Aug-15 21:07:27

Thanks. I'd think we would try for a summer and then reevaluate x

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