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what you have done??

(25 Posts)
weekendgirl66 Tue 14-Jul-15 13:44:58

Ive just been asked to look after a little one until 6pm ( i finish work at 5pm today and have plans lucky me i know ) because poor mom is run ragged and Dad wants to go to the Gym... Im not sure if I should laugh or cry at this request!!! Had it have been because of a genuine cause like someone is
in hospital or they are stuck on the Motorway then fine i would have worked until 9 if needed, but Would you have said YES???

nannyuk Tue 14-Jul-15 13:48:32

i think that is a ridiculous request. Did you let them now you had plans before they asked? I would probably end up doing it anyway because i am a wuss and can't say no lol

milkandmarmite Tue 14-Jul-15 13:55:01

I don't really understand. Your employer has asked you to work an extra hour?

If you had plans you could have said no you weren't available to stay on.

If you agreed, and they are paying you for that hour it shouldn't really matter what they are doing should it?

Or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

Purplepumpkins Tue 14-Jul-15 14:13:01

If you have plans say no.

ImNotChangingMyUsernameAgain Tue 14-Jul-15 14:52:09

You could say no because you have plans. Or you could be flexible in anticipation that there may be a time when you want them to be flexible back. It's up to you but a bit of give and take never hurts anyone.

You wouldn't last long in my house because I'd soon figure out that you don't think much of parents who see fit to employ a nanny.

Callaird Tue 14-Jul-15 15:10:04

I would say that I have plans, if I have plans.

If I didn't have plans then I'd probably stay and help out. But I would want paying!

weekendgirl66 Tue 14-Jul-15 17:34:12

Milkand marmite And innotchangingmyusernameagain... they are not my employers, I'm a self employed Childminder we have a contract and these hours were outside their contract hours, I did say no initially but then felt really bad for Mom and offered to cover but she then declined .. I have on many many many occasions covered extra hours and days outside their contracts but the point was DAD was available but wanted to go to the gym instead of him looking after his daughter to help his wife have easier day, But i offered to change my plans to help her..

milkandmarmite Tue 14-Jul-15 19:14:35

Ah makes more sense now! I have no experience of CM contracts etc. So can't really pass judgement on that. Hope you still managed to enjoy your plans.

grabaspoon Tue 14-Jul-15 19:17:25

I am a nanny however if that was the case I would stay if I could even an extra 30 minutes could be beneficial if my plans weren't until later. However my bosses understand that I may say no. If I did stay I'd be paid, my bosses would be thankful and I'd be able to store it up for when I needed flexibility.

Alanna1 Tue 14-Jul-15 19:20:53

If you were my childminder I would be a little upset with your attitude. They asked - you are completely free to say yes or no. I often use paid childcare to go to the gym. I'm not sure why you pass judgment on the fact that mum was happy to pay for some extra help because she was exhausted whilst dad went to the gym?

kathryng90 Tue 14-Jul-15 19:27:42

Not a problem to stay extra hours if within my normal working day. So child goes at 4. Mum texts to see if they can stay til 5. Yes I am working til 5.30. I wouldn't be happy to do an extra unexpected hour after my finish time - beside emergencies. I have small children too who need bath/bed. Having said that I usually say ok!

Outwith Tue 14-Jul-15 19:33:52

They asked. You said No then posted about it on MN. I don't think people have to give CMs one of a short series of authorised reasons for requesting childcare confused.

HSMMaCM Tue 14-Jul-15 20:08:45

Alanna what's wrong with her attitude. She has plans which she is happy to cancel in an emergency. Dad going to the gym is hardly an emergency, but OP agreed to change her plans anyway. Within normal paid hours, parents can do whatever they like, but asking for additional unavailable hours is normally only done for an emergency.

Outwith Tue 14-Jul-15 20:15:07

HSM, I think think the problem is the fact that the OP is judging the Mother for asking for extended childcare because of reasons X and Y (and so much so that she's started an AIBU about it). Who is the OP to judge whether reasons X and Y are worthy enough confused? How does she know that reasons X and Y are the real reasons anyway confused?

The OP provides a service, one of the users of this service made a request, the OP refused. That's fine, it's just all of this judgey crap that isn't.

Outwith Tue 14-Jul-15 20:16:40

I really think it 2x grin.

glenthebattleostrich Tue 14-Jul-15 20:23:54

I've had parents demand I cancel holidays because they want care, I've had parents turn up half an hour late or try to drop off half an hour early and be pissed off that I charge for the additional time.

The simple fact is some parents take the piss and unless firm boundaries are maintained they will push and push.

kathryng90 Tue 14-Jul-15 20:24:14

The issue as I see it is that the requested hours were outside of normal working hours and encroaching on free/family time. All cm I know go above and beyond trying to accommodate parents. And most would work extra hours for emergencies. I don't care what parents do when I care for their kids - work, socialise, have me time or go to the gym. They pay for a service and I provide it. I have done umpteen extra hours when the car broke down/train was late/dad fell asleep quite happily. And yes the op could have said no but that is not always easy to do. Op practice the mn mantra 'no is a complete sentence!'

HSMMaCM Tue 14-Jul-15 20:30:38

Outwith- I get that, but it also sounds like the dad thought his gym was more important than OP's plans, outside of contracted hours and maybe OP wanted to go to the gym As I said, in contracted hours I have no problem with what parents do, but for emergency care outside those hours, I would expect it to be an emergency.

Outwith Tue 14-Jul-15 20:32:13

But the parent wasn't 'taking the piss' glen, they simply made a request which the OP refused (as is their right).

I sometimes ask the CM to cover extra hours (I may or may not mention why I'm asking). The CM either says Yes or No depending on whether they can do it and whether they want to presumably. And it's all fine. At no point does the CM appear appear to judge me negatively, nor do they subsequently post the whole non-story on a public forum.

reddaisy Tue 14-Jul-15 20:38:08

I wouldn't dream of asking our CM to work longer for reasons like in the OP - she is a lovely, lovely woman and would hate to say no but she always made it very clear that her working day finishes at 5.30pm so she can spend time with her family. She did it when we had no choice when there were accidents on the way home etc.

HSMMaCM Tue 14-Jul-15 20:38:13

And I do work extra hours when requested if I'm not doing something else. And I don't mind what parents do with those hours.

Outwith Tue 14-Jul-15 20:39:16

Okay, I do understand that HSM. In which case the OP could mention that she'd only generally be happy to provide childcare outwith contracted hours in an emergency.

I don't know in this case though - it sounds like the Mum asked for 1 hours extra childcare, apparently because she's run ragged... What if she's exhausted and Dad's gone off to the gym without a backwards glance? MN would be telling her to try to get extra childcare (and to have a serious word with her partner).

HSMMaCM Tue 14-Jul-15 20:42:13

Agreed out with, it's the dad with the issue. OP does say dad wants to go to the gym though, suggesting he didn't just go without a thought for his wife.

Karoleann Tue 14-Jul-15 23:19:23

Its a request - if you're busy just say no!

Ideal76 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:56:46

If I didn't have plans I would stay late , if I had firm plans that couldn't be rearranged I wouldn't .

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