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nanny dilemna

(12 Posts)
pragoonanan Wed 08-Jul-15 15:53:48

Dear Mums

A nanny joined us 2.5 weeks ago. I went through the interviewing process and was without a nanny for 5 weeks until I found a lovely girl who worked 2 years in the baby room at a local nursery. She is a level 3 trained carer with children.
To cut a long story short our nanny caught a D&V bug over a week ago. Which she said she is v used to because of working at the nursery. She had a good time off to get over her bug. Then she fainted at my daughter's last day of school.
Her GP said that she has low BP and took her bloods. All results but 1 came back OK. She is going to tell me more about it later today.
Now here's the tough part - we are going on our amazing holiday on the Disney Cruise liner in 3.5 weeks time. My nanny was to come along with us on this, all paid for.
I feel very uncomfortable taking her along knowing about her health problems. Besides her getting ill (which is bad enough), I don't want to ruin our lovely expensive holiday.
The Agency which helped me find her are being very unhelpful. And I'm still very much within the 6 weeks timeframe of her start date.
I have a DD who is 6 and a DS who is 3.5 I'm a single parent.
Any thoughts please???

jendot2 Wed 08-Jul-15 18:23:05

I would wait and see what the problem is before making any decisions. Maybe it is something that will be better with treatment or something that can be managed and won't affect her travelling.
Have you got a trial period written into the contract? I wouldn't have thought there is much an agency could do bar offering advice. If the nanny is still your employee then they have fulfilled their obligations.

If she can't travel I'm sure you would not have too much problem recruiting a holiday nanny to go on such an amazing trip.

pragoonanan Wed 08-Jul-15 19:46:57

I don't have the strong personality to take a stranger on holiday and relax.
I'm paying my nanny v well. Besides the faint, there's been coughing from her first day until now. She coughs morning and night. She also has bad asthma. 2 colds in 3 weeks.
And she's overweight!
Once she started, she told me that she lost 2 stones since December. So obesity has been her problem for a few years now as well. But do you lift her top during interview to check her size?!?!? Obviously not.

cansu Wed 08-Jul-15 20:32:08

your comments about her weight are completely unnecessary! You sound v strange. Agree that you should wait and see what she tells you. It may be something minor. If she is likely to be unwell on trip, you may have to go without nanny or recruit someone else just for trip.

littleladyluna Wed 08-Jul-15 20:40:06

Your post is quite identifiable for both you and your nanny, and if I knew my employer was saying these kinds of things about me in my first month on the job then I'd be looking for a new family. If you were this judgemental about her weight at interview then perhaps you shouldn't have employed her, far preferable than bitching about it on the internet after the fact.

Littlefish Wed 08-Jul-15 20:44:37

Did you take up references from her previous employers? Was anything mentioned about her sickness or absence record? Do you know why she left her previous job?

Your comments about her size are completely uncalled for. Presumably you met her before you employed her and if you are narrow minded enough that you can make such judgemental comments about her weight now, then you shouldn't have employed her in the first place.

pragoonanan Wed 08-Jul-15 21:18:44

I'm not sure about me being strange, maybe it's hard for me to explain word for word in this thread.
I saw her beforehand and employed her for her personality and enthusiasm. However it has become apparent after being with her day to day that her weight is not helping her health especially with her asthma. My nanny herself told me that she's overweight and that she must lose more weight and I supported/encouraged her. However it is clearly having a negative impact on her job. If it didn't then I wouldn't have this dilemma. Especially with her fainting. This is not normal for a 20 yr old.
I am not bitching at all, I am merely saying it how it is and she herself said it too. I am not going to justify myself for asking you all to hear me out and advise. Moreover I am impartial enough to put it out here for some advice. I have had 3 nannies so far in 6 years and never had this dilemma so early on.
I guess a little in me is worried about her too. What if she becomes ill abroad? What will I do? She herself said she could with her low BP.
I have 2 children to look after already. And these cruises can be v enjoyable but tiring too.
I have seen and worked with staff who are overweight but they are incredibly active and healthy and they do not let their weight interfere with their enthusiasm and zest for the job.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 09-Jul-15 00:15:50

So your nanny caught a d&v - it happens

She fainted as had low bp. Maybe she hadn't eaten much that day or was hot while watching sports day

Now she is coughing / has asthma

Sounds like she is a bit poorly

If under your 6 week probation I guess you can get rid of her with a weeks notice and find a new nanny - tho I am not a legal expert

Is this what you want?

Brave nanny wanting to go away with a new family a few weeks into a job and even more so in a boat no escape wink

Talking about her Weight is wrong and you said you saw her before so know she was active regardless

You did hire her knowing she was overweight. And sounds like she is trying her best by losing 2 stone so well done her

Not sure what you want to know?

To get rid of nanny?

Keep nanny

Ask her if she is ok?

If you didn't have your holiday would you be so concerned

Could she have that time off to recover?

MiscellaneousAssortment Thu 09-Jul-15 00:45:10

The weight thing is a mistake and if you focus on that you'll lose credibility and ethical stand point.

I'm going to ignore this.

Do you see this nanny workkmg out?

What would she have to do to regain your trust and put your concerns to rest? It's not her role to do this btw, it's just a way to understand whether there is any way this employee/ employer relationship can progress.

Or do you just want to say it's not worked out? and rapidly get on finding someone who is a better fit, and let this nanny find somewhere right for her too.

There doesn't have to be a goodie and a baddie in this situation, and don't feel like you have to keep on trying if it's not right.

Attendance and illness are tricky things. Even without all the ethical debates around it, you can't be discriminating against someone because of things outside their control. But you also need someone who will be able to keep up with the physical demands of the job and you are still in the probation period where you can make this kind of decision.

So much illness so early on in a new job, may be just really bad luck, or a sign of things to come with continuing ill health, or actually a sign that she's not happy, or not ready for a job which needs a high level of reliability and commitment.

Can you work out which it is?

Last year I made a mistake with a nanny who kept being poorly or needing compassionate leave for one emergency after another. I was a bit of a mug and kept believing this time was the last time and having lots of sympathy. I paid the nanny full wages which was beyond my obligations, and as it was a different thing each week it made me carry on for 3 months. In which she'd only worked 1/2 the time but had been paid full time plus all the money I spent on emergency childcare and days off work.

I then was advised by the agency that they had seen this happen before and it was more likely the nanny just didn't want the job, and that I should always bear in mind what absence can be communicating. I was shocked as I bent over backwards for that nanny and yes, she left and didn't turn up for her notice and sent angry emails demanding payment for her notice period even though it wasn't worked!

Anyway, my point is that as an employer you have to Err on the side of caution and be very careful what you say as you have a responsibility and a duty towards your employee, but you don't have to be a push over either.

Good luck whatever you decide

Baffled2012 Thu 09-Jul-15 01:24:43

Go with your gut. If it was me I'd get rid of her. Realistically this is as good as it's going to get - she'll be making more of an effort for you at the beginning. It's likely to only get worse.

wizzywig Thu 09-Jul-15 11:05:53

if it wasnt for the holiday coming up soon, would you be worried? is it the holiday that is making you feel panicky?

AllTheToastIsGone Fri 10-Jul-15 00:02:31

Misc, that is pretty much what happened with the nanny I employed except I paid the notice period because I didn't want any trouble.

OP, I don't think it will work out. She could just be unlucky but most likely it will carry on. Did you check out her attendence when you took the ref from the nursery?

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