Talk

Advanced search

This topic is for discussing childcare options. If you want to advertise, please use your Local site.

AIBU

(34 Posts)
mylittlefidget Mon 06-Jul-15 20:25:48

We have had a very good nanny for the last 5 years. She travels about 10 miles to work for us for 2 days a week.
She will look after our three children (5,3, and 1) plus her slightly older kids (8 and 12) for 2 days a week over the summer. However, she likes going on "days out" with the kids to places which are 10 or 20 miles away. I really, really hate the kids going on car journeys with anybody, and in fact my husband rarely takes them out on his own in the car for this reason. We got a fairly big expenses bill from her mid june because she hadn't done the expenses for a while. I said to her at the time to please watch the mileage because this was by far the largest part of the bill. She replied that she only spent about 10 pounds a week extra. However, that's over 20 miles a week on average!. We live in a semi rural area, and within a 5 mile radius there are a couple of toddler groups, soft play, several play grounds, 2 farms (which the kids have expensive season tickets for), and a water play area.
AIBU to expect that she takes the kids to somewhere closeby?
Part of the problem may be that her social network and the toddler groups she knows are in her area ie over 10 miles away, and also that her kids may want to do something more exciting than the local stuff.
I don't really mind spending an extra 10pounds a week but I hate the kids clocking up quite so much mileage.
We'll have a chat this week but I predict she'll be quite unhappy with my suggestion to stay closeby. AIBU?
Thanks for any replies in advance smile

LuckyLopez Mon 06-Jul-15 20:34:25

Sorry I think you are.

I'm a childminder and very often (at least once a week) take the kids on big outings in the holidays. It keeps them (and me) entertained and I would quickly become bored doing the same things local to us. We have enough routine and sameness during term time when I held to school run timings so it's nice to spread our wings and go a bit further afield.

Why aren't you comfortable with them in the car? Even your husband limits journeys?! Sorry I think you have a big anxiety problem that needs sorting before you pass it on to your children.

I certainly wouldn't mind children whose parents won't allow them to travel very far in my car.

honeyandfizz Mon 06-Jul-15 20:38:07

No I don't think you are. You employ her to look after your dc for 2 days a week, you should be able to state that you don't want her to travel that far with your dc. There are plenty of local activities which will keep them occupied.

The key is that YOU employ HER.

mylittlefidget Mon 06-Jul-15 20:51:34

Thank you both for your replies. I agree that these are my anxieties completely, and we are very happy with her otherwise!!! This is exactly why I'm in two minds about this. However, it's not like they are being looked after for 5 day a week, but only for 2, and she will only look after all 3 of them for 8 days over the summer. After the big bill, I asked her to please watch the mileage and she clocked up another 60 miles in 2 weeks- and this really did annoy me.
Luckylopez, I appreciate that you want to take the kids on outings, but my point is that there is enough to do closeby, and actually this is a job and it should be about whether the kids are happy and content, and not whether you are bored or not.

YonicScrewdriver Mon 06-Jul-15 20:54:18

If she didn't claim for any miles over £5 per week or whatever, would you then be ok?

Ie is it more the cost or the distance?

HSMMaCM Mon 06-Jul-15 20:57:36

Could you set her a weekly budget for mileage, so she can decide how she wants to use it?

Lucky - I know what you mean, but it's different for CMs, because we're self employed and set our own terms.

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-15 20:57:57

As a nanny I go on trips out to places 50 miles away in school holidays. It is something that does get discussed at interview stage - I will take children out to places of interest, places useful for their school projects (such as going to see Roman mosaics) and more general places like woodland, playgrounds, historic houses.

When you hired them did you say that you do not want your children going on car journeys? If so then it is something she is aware of from the interview stage, so if it was going to be an issue she could have decided not to take the job.

YANBU to expect her to take the children to places nearby if that is what you had initially agreed. You are providing passes for some places and have other places suitable for various aged children which are not that far away.

She would not be taking her children to the toddler group but you may be right that they are still used as she knows people there. It can take a while to get used to going to other places and getting to know other people.

Would having some sort of set plan for the school holidays help, with perhaps one longer trip in the week?

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon Mon 06-Jul-15 21:00:01

She may well be entertaining her kids at your expense. Maybe you need to look at whats about and suggest these are the activities you wish your children to attend rather than the further away activities? You could also limit paid mileage to X. Both would put you back in charge rather than cause a row?

0x530x610x750x630x79 Mon 06-Jul-15 21:01:07

My nanny was prone to this, she would. consider a trip to the seaside (2 hours away) as a "free" trip as she had packed sarnies and hadn't paid to go in anywhere.

I found giving her a weekly entertainment budget that included travel expenses made her understand the point better.

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-15 21:01:09

As only 2 days a week, perfectly reasonable for you to say that they don't travel too far on those days. Maybe have one big trip in the month, if there is something your children want to go to see - such as a Castle, Coal Mine, Science Centre, whatever your 5 and 3 year old like. At those ages I tend to ask them what they want to see and then we look for somewhere suitable - such as a zoo, helicopter museum.

cuntycowfacemonkey Mon 06-Jul-15 21:03:13

I think YABU because really this is only because of your anxieties about travel and no other reason. Technically as you are her employer she should do as you ask BUT I do think now that your anxieties have reach a level that restricts your husbands and children's lives to this degree you need to address it rather than have everyone work around avoiding upsetting you.

I don't want to sound harsh and uncaring because I know anxiety is crippling and not simple to control but it isn't realistic that you can prevent long journey's for your children forever.

YonicScrewdriver Mon 06-Jul-15 21:04:02

Does anyone else want to go on trips with Nick even though they're grown ups?!

grin

0x530x610x750x630x79 Mon 06-Jul-15 21:06:14

I do want to employ him, but suspect he is out of my price range.

YonicScrewdriver Mon 06-Jul-15 21:09:35

Is there really a helicopter museum?

<takes notes>

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-15 21:16:29

There is indeed though it is not that child friendly - changing a nappy there was a bit of a challenge (think I had to go in the Ladies as there was a changing station there). Museum Army Flying

mylittlefidget Mon 06-Jul-15 21:16:48

Thank you for all your opinions. Can I just say that my husband works all week and is NOT keen on taking out the kids on his own over the weekend- so this is not something which is restricting them or him. My oldest DD is going on a school trip this week, which I obviously worry about but I would never stop her from going, just as I've so far not stopped our nanny from going. I think part of the issue really is that I felt I had said- Please watch your mileage, and there was seemingly NO effort on her part to do that, not even for a few weeks. Which is making me worried about the summer.
Nannynick - 50 miles? For us that would be £25 pounds just for travel! I guess if you agreed this at interview, that's fine, but there is no way we could pay this on a regular basis.
I hear what you're all saying, and I like the idea of a mileage limit and/ or budget. Maybe I will just need to accept that £10 a week are ok and if she wants to spend it on mileage, that's fine. Much more than that would be difficult for us to afford anyway.
Any more opinions are very welcome, I do appreciate your input smile.

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-15 21:21:59

Try setting a budget for it. It is your money, so you have control over what they do.

If they exceeded the budget and paid the extra cost themselves, would that be acceptable? Is it the money that is the biggest problem rather than the travel distance?

What if they used public transport, that can be reasonable cost when children are young but gets costly quickly once children become chargeable. Are there places they could get to by train/bus?

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 06-Jul-15 21:23:31

Sits on fence and pulls splinters out of her bum grin

You employ her and should have a say where your children go / don't go

saying that travelling 10miles isn't far and maybe your dc are bored of going to the same parks etc

But

Your job is for 2 days. She is lucky you allow her to bring her older children and yes they are possibly bored at what is in your area

But it's her job to care for your dc - not entertain hers iyswim

Is it the mileage cost or the actual travelling

Did you discuss this at interview

I always mention I am a sociable nanny and go out to places for the dc benifit - but which I enjoy as well

I would never take a position where I wasn't allowed to drive /limited to places

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 06-Jul-15 21:24:41

Cross posted but £5 a day isn't bad for mileage tbh

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-15 21:28:13

For long trips out in summer holidays, I do 1/3 mileage on my mileage claim, so it covers fuel but I cover the wear/tear depreciation elements.
If your nanny did that, would you let them go on trips to places which were further away?

Your nanny needs to accept that you are in charge. Tell her that there is a limit to how much mileage you are prepared to pay, in the same way that there is a limit to how much you will pay for activities/admission tickets.

mylittlefidget Mon 06-Jul-15 21:31:27

Blondeshavemorefun-,thanks, that's useful. My 5yr old has always had itchy feet but is usually very happy once she is somewhere, even if she has been there before. The little ones really don't mind where they go and would be happy anywhere. It seems like the consensus is that £10 a week is ok. I don't want to be unreasonable, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of over the summer. Another sore point is that the younger two often sleep on the way home and are then impossible for bedtime.....

mylittlefidget Mon 06-Jul-15 21:36:43

Nannynick, that's interesting , but I have a suspicion that daytrips would become a whole lot less interesting if only a third of the usual mileage claim could be charged. I may be wrong about this but again, it might be worth discussing, esp if she would like to go further afield with her kids and mine over the summer. It would be interesting to find out what her thoughts are on this. Thank you for raising this.

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-15 22:21:30

You say that the children have season passes for the farm but would that cover her children as well? Could that be why they do not go there in school holidays?

You need to discuss things more with her. Perhaps she could come up with a plan of places they would consider visiting in the school holidays, then you could agree to some of those places, or not.

For term time, with a 3 and 1 year old it is certainly reasonable to limit things to the local area. I tend to stay within a half-hour drive of work as if school closes, or a child is ill at school, then they need picking up fairly quickly. One advantage of using the car rather than public transport is that you can get back a bit quicker if the need arises.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 06-Jul-15 23:32:01

Nick is probably the only nanny who charges 1/3 of mileage ie 15p ish per mile

I have always had a works car in perm jobs - and use mine occasionally dos temp jobs - and then I charge 45p per mile

Good point about not having passes for her children - tho again she is lucky to be able to take her dc to work so if she needs to pay the odd entrance fee for them - then she should

YonicScrewdriver Mon 06-Jul-15 23:34:33

Thanks for the link Nick!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now