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I am SO angry, please talk me down

(61 Posts)
TwoTimesTwenty Tue 16-Jun-15 19:14:24

We have a new nanny after having to let our previous nanny go as she was lying to us (among other things). We hired our new nanny who is extremely experienced, with previous long term positions (15 odd years' experience) through an agency and she has great refs which I checked verbally myself. She is a nice lady who gets on well with the kids. She is well paid at £11 per hour net (we pay all taxes and NI) for a 4 day week, she will also get a good bonus after a year's service. It HAS to work out with her, I can't put my kids through the transition to another nanny yet again.

So today she has let the kids get sunburnt and my 4 year old has a dirty bum as she hasn't helped him wipe it. The dirty bottom has happened a couple of times now, I haven't mentioned it before as I thought it was a one off.
And yesterday she let my 4 year old watch TV for nearly an hour while little one napped despite my having specifically asked her to give him some TLC and read him stories/spend some one on one time with him as he was feeling a bit fragile. Instead she sticks him in front of the telly.

I am SO angry, I feel like she is not trying in this job and that I have let my kids down by hiring her.

Stealthpolarbear Tue 16-Jun-15 19:21:20

Hoe long has she been with you? Just days?

PattiODoors Tue 16-Jun-15 19:21:37

Bottom wiping I would expect a child to be mastering during the last term before starting reception

Sunburn is avoidable, the children do need protection

An hour of telly, praps kiddo didn't fancy books; no biggie

So - children in long sleeve tops hats and suncream to hand tomorrow

The other stuff, meh

younggifted Tue 16-Jun-15 19:23:31

One hour in front of the telly out of how many hours...?

VanitasVanitatum Tue 16-Jun-15 19:24:37

Talk to her!! No point in raging, this is a job and she is your employee, so just sit her down and review her performance to date.

Stealthpolarbear Tue 16-Jun-15 19:25:41

But that's not he point the op made specific requests which were ignored

FatherHenderson Tue 16-Jun-15 19:26:33

I think you are overreacting.

Nightboattocairo Tue 16-Jun-15 19:26:37

Think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Sun cream tomorrow, though.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 16-Jun-15 19:29:26

But maybe she thought she was spending time with him on a one to one, whilst watching the telly.

Why would she know your 4 year old has a dirty bum unless you tell her? It's not natural just to check us it, unless she knows to look out for it.

momtothree Tue 16-Jun-15 19:30:34

How many hours does she do? Is 4 year old in nursery? What age are the others? I take it she doesnt get a break all day?

bobajob Tue 16-Jun-15 19:30:55

The only issue there is sunburn. How did they get burnt?

Iggly Tue 16-Jun-15 19:32:47

My DS is 5 and still needs help wiping occasionally. If the op's dc needs help then nanny should do it. Basically if the nanny hasn't performed you need to talk to her asap.

BrianButterfield Tue 16-Jun-15 19:35:12

I'd be annoyed. They're little things that could be forgiven if being done a favour by a relative or something, but not from someone who is specifically employed to look after children.

bobajob Tue 16-Jun-15 19:35:33

You wouldn't expect a 4 or 5 year old to need help though, so unless the nanny has specifically been told it's not really fair to hold it against her. Most children that age can go to the toilet independently.

TwoTimesTwenty Tue 16-Jun-15 19:36:41

Ok thanks- I think I am overreacting a bit after experience with last nanny. New nanny has been here 4 weeks.

Re. the bum - he does have a go at wiping it but unless you finish it off for him then it's dirty (tonight it was dirty enough to leave big streaks in his pants :-( Fair enough though I haven't told her about it so maybe she would just assume he could do it.

Sunburn - this is what i'm crossest about as it's so easily avoided, they've never been sunburnt in their lives. And she should know better with her experience. To be fair it wasn't horrendous sunburn but nasty pink cheeks and the kids are v pale skinned.

TV - i know it's not a biggy really it's just i particularly asked her to do something and I see the little one's nap as a chance for some 1 to 1 with her.

I've calmed down now - so thanks for letting me vent. I will have a polite word about the sunburn tomorrow adn buy lots more suncream so there's piles of it everywhere (there was some in teh kitchen today but maybe she didn't see it).

I'm just going to have to accept stuff that's not perfect like the tv as we have no other options now and I don't want to piss her off and have her leave. And she does have a lovely manner with the kids, very calm.

ps. I'm quite a mild-mannered person in real life, not ranty or anything but thanks for letting me vent on here!

EssexMummy123 Tue 16-Jun-15 19:37:23

Was the suncream in date? (it has a shelf-life)
did she realise it was hot enough for sunburn? (it wasn't here)
Perhaps the 4 year old didn't want stories but wanted to watch TV?
Perhaps a reminder that the 4 year old needs watching when bum wiping?

Duckdeamon Tue 16-Jun-15 19:38:40

Suncream thing is bad especially if you provided cream.

Dirty bum thing - have you explained that your DS still needs this help?

TV thing depends really, if he was at nursery / preschool in the morning and had just got back he might've just needed a break. Also depends on whether they watched TV at other times.

PattiODoors Tue 16-Jun-15 19:40:13


Because juggling stuff is HARD innit.

Duckdeamon Tue 16-Jun-15 19:41:31

Even if she turns out to be a "bad hire" you have not let your DC down! you did all the checks etc so it'd be (more) bad luck. Might the problems with your former nanny be in your mind still, putting you on edge?

bobajob Tue 16-Jun-15 19:44:55

If the nanny is working a very long day with no break, no lunch break etc then some quiet time while one is napping and the other is watching TV is a chance for her to have a sit down and a cuppa too.

Alanna1 Tue 16-Jun-15 19:45:10

I think you should be a bit cautious. My nanny (who is wonderful) accidentally let my children get a little sunburned once. I spoke to her and it has never happened again. She hadnt judged weather / reapplication / hats etc well enough. TV - maybe she was putting food on? Maybe your child was insisting? At 4, I think he is old enough to either be told no TV ever during the day or some other rule, but unless you have clearly laid this out to your nanny I don't think 1 hour of TV is bad. Re toilet, at 4 your son must be starting school in 3 months. He needs to get better at wiping his bottom and quickly!! Pointing out his pants to him is a goid way of doing this - how else will he really learn??

Jinglebells99 Tue 16-Jun-15 19:48:21

She may have assumed that you had already applied sun cream to them? I used to always my kids in the once a day stuff before taking them to nursery/ school. I would expect a 4 year old to be able to wipe his bottom as well unless you said otherwise. My children attended a private nursery school and in the 3 plus room they were expected to use the toilet themselves.

If I wee you, I would put sunscreen on first thing and then show the nanny and ask her to reapply it at midday.

TwoTimesTwenty Tue 16-Jun-15 19:50:46

Thanks for the flowers PattiO! Much appreciated - it is hard if you feel your children are suffering even if only a little bit - little one (nearly 2) pointed to her sunburned cheek and said sore :-(

RiverTam Tue 16-Jun-15 19:52:00

I would be very unimpressed. DD is 5.5 and in her 3rd term of school and needs help wiping - she never poos at school so not an issue there. And she has never got sunburnt, it doesn't take much at all to ensure that doesn't happen. And a specific instruction was ignored.

Don't really know what to suggest, just saying that I don't think YABU in being annoyed by all this.

TwoTimesTwenty Tue 16-Jun-15 19:52:05

Yes re. suncream jinglebells - I will be buying the Once stuff now and putting it on myself as well as asking nanny to reapply it.

She def didn't think I had put it on though, I left the house at 8 this morning with little one not even dressed so even if I had it would have needed reapplying as we don't have the Once stuff.

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