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Nanny has lied...what should I do?

(69 Posts)
CharlyWooplus2 Mon 08-Jun-15 20:11:58

Would be brilliant if anyone could give me a bit of feedback! Sorry if a bit long! We (Me, DH, DS1 &2) went away on holiday for the half term week, and left nanny/housekeeper to look after the house. She normally does 32.5 hours per week and we asked her to spread them over the week, coming every day and using them to cook and freeze meals, feed the cat, do the housework and all of those bits and bobs that are impossible with the kids around...seemed a good way to do it - save her/our holiday and know the house was occupied.

All seemed fine, exchanged a few texts and she reassured me all was well. Except, on final day we were away the burglar alarm went off. Seemed there was a fault. Alarm company advised me to check the log to see where/how it was activated, which I did when I got home. I discovered that there are whole chunks of days she hasn't been in and the some days for only 10 minutes.

I asked her about it without telling her about the log but to give her a chance to tell the truth, but she insisted she'd been in every day. I could kind of tell too, hardly any housework done, diet coke cans and plates stuffed under the sofa, no meals cooked and a thinner looking cat (!)

Otherwise, she's been with us 2 months...shy, good with kids, quite a few sick absences...not brilliant at housekeeping though not terrible, and nothing to indicate dishonesty.

There's no chance the log is wrong - it's accurate to the second. Gutted. What do I do? I hate confrontation. Should I care? Should I let it go? Argh, in a bit of a spin! Help gratefully received! :-)

chocchipbrioche Mon 08-Jun-15 20:25:29

If you were on holiday then technically that's your nanny's holiday too. I presume that during the interview you agreed the norm 4 weeks holiday 2 of her choosing and 2 of yours. So I'm surprised she came in anyway as she was on holiday too.
I agree its not good that she's lying to your face about something you know is true but as your holiday is part of her yearly time off she could have gone on holiday herself or just lazed at home doing nothing, I'm surprised she agreed to come in anyway.

MixedMessages Mon 08-Jun-15 20:29:14

chocchip why would it be the nanny's holiday too?

It's fairly standard to give a nanny two weeks holiday of their choice and then let them take two weeks of your choice, but any other time you are off they work

MixedMessages Mon 08-Jun-15 20:31:08

A lying nanny is never going to work out. Harsh but I'd get rid.

bobajob Mon 08-Jun-15 20:31:17

Why assume their holiday is also the nanny's holiday time chocchip?

If she's lied to you and blatantly hasn't done the jobs she was supposed to do (and stuffing plates under the sofa, wtf?) I think you need a formal disciplinary meeting.

Lolimax Mon 08-Jun-15 20:32:29

Trust has gone now really hasn't it? Why don't you show her the log and ask her to explain herself but tbh is this the kind of person you want looking after your children?

fourchetteoff Mon 08-Jun-15 20:34:56

Argh. Horrible situation. Especially as she wasn't even bright enough to come in, slob about a bit, wash up a couple of plates and pretend she'd actually done a good job.

If she is good with the kids then that is in her favour, but I would find it very hard to trust her again. I think you need to talk to her in a 'disciplinary' way and give her one more chance to make amends/come clean.

Is it very hard to get a replacement where you live? That would be a factor for me.

Reinvent1yourself Mon 08-Jun-15 21:03:09

Had she been there every day? Even if only 10 minutes?

CharlyWooplus2 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:10:35

Hi ladies, yes it's exactly that - she wants to take 2 weeks holiday in August plus Christmas, then factoring in our own holiday, we were trying to prevent using up all holiday - she was happy to work because of that. Does that make sense?!

And haha fourchette - I totally agree! I would have thought you'd at least hide the plates! She could have watched back to back movies and I'd have been none the wiser!

CharlyWooplus2 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:11:32

She claimed to have been in 2 days when she wasn't in at all on either day - and then on another she was only in for 10 minutes...

Shakey1500 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:15:07

Coke cans and plates stuffed under the sofa? Ye Gads. Aside from the log are you sure they were down to her?? That's gross and a bit weird

CharlyWooplus2 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:15:57

Sorry, and to be clear she was meant to have been in the whole week...would agree, the trust has gone.

Earlier this evening I sent her an email summarising our conversation and her stated hours, and asked her to check it in case I'd made a mistake, but she has replied and said 'all correct!' Argh! I was hoping that she'd say she'd misunderstood.

I live in London, so lots of nannies, but it's so hard to find the right nanny and I dread having to find one all over again and reintroduce them.

May well be the disciplinary route...

PandasRock Mon 08-Jun-15 21:16:49

So she wants a full weeks pay for not even bothering to turn up? And for leaving your house I a state, not getting the jobs done she should have, and starving your cat.

I'd get rid.

How are you supposed to trust anything she says? You have absolute proof that she is willing to lie to you, and misrepresent what she has been doing. No way I'd be letting her take care of my dc after that.

PinkPearlClutcher Mon 08-Jun-15 21:18:37

I'm sorry, but as a nanny I say she has to go. That's very unprofessional to not do the jobs asked of her. Fair enough if it doesn't take as long as normal hours (doing 4 hours instead of 5 is fine in my book), but popping in for 10 minutes presumably to feed cat and doing nothing else is not okay.

And not coming in at all some days? Who fed the cat?!

And she doesn't sound like a model nanny to begin with.

I'm sorry, end the contract for dishonesty.

BreadmakerFan Mon 08-Jun-15 21:20:57

She has to go for simply not looking after a defenceless animal.

Shadow1986 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:21:35

I would find another nanny. She sounds a bit sneaky and lazy. You've basically given her a paid, nice and easy week and she has taken advantage. And the fact she lied to say she had been in every day, I can't stand dishonest people.

Pumpeedo Mon 08-Jun-15 21:22:22

Do you want a liar looking after your children? And gosh a nanny doing housework? Is she a proper nanny or a mothers help? What happens next time you come home to a child that's hurt themselves? You won't be able to believe a word she says.

alicemalice Mon 08-Jun-15 21:23:25

Put it to her about the hours and how you know and ask her for an explanation.

I think she has to go.

Nancery Mon 08-Jun-15 21:25:48

I agree that you show her the log and ask her to explain it. If nothing else, it may make her think twice before taking the piss out of her next employer.

theQuibbler Mon 08-Jun-15 21:26:25

No - that is not acceptable. She does not appear to be someone that you want looking after your children - it's lazy, entitled and dishonest. These are not good qualities.

I know it's a pain looking for a nanny. We are in the thick of it now, and I hate it; the interviews; the reference checking; the CV weeding...

But you want someone who doesn't lie - that is just a fundamental standard.
I would have to let her go.

PrawnJalfrazi Mon 08-Jun-15 21:27:19

Did she do any cleaning and did she cook any meals? Did she do any of what you asked her? Trust is so important.

Viviennemary Mon 08-Jun-15 21:29:19

I would tell her it's not working out. She's only been with you two months and already has been off sick and now this. If she'd done the work and not been every day I think that would be OK. But she's done nothing and not even fed the cat. I don't think I'd bother confronting her about the hours. If she's already lied you can't be sure she'll even be truthful.

CharlyWooplus2 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:30:45

I was definitely the most upset about the poor cat! He went for a whole 2.5 days without food...poor thing!

I'm just thinking about how this conversation is going to go...I tell her I have received the alarm log and can see that she hasn't been in when she said she would. She claims there must be a mistake...I say there isn't and can she account for it...stand off, awkwardness, I'm calling her a liar essentially as I have evidence....do I ask her to leave? or give a month notice? wait for a reason? Is it gross misconduct? or just misconduct? Not looking forward to this convo at all!!

RandomMess Mon 08-Jun-15 21:31:06

FGS if she couldn't be arsed to turn up every day to feed the cat then she needs to go.

She had jobs to do, she hasn't done them and she's lied about it - that is outright laziness & dishonesty.

expatinscotland Mon 08-Jun-15 21:32:16

I'd get rid now whilst she is still in probation.

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