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Nanny with own child - views?(9 Posts)
I am looking for some advice/experience around having a NWOC.
My current nanny, who is fantastic, is going on maternity leave just as I return to work from my own mat leave. She has indicated she is very keen to come back to work for us, but would like to bring her baby with her ( at the moment she is suggesting bringing the baby 2 out of 4 days).
I have said I would consider this and to be fair to her want to give her an indication either way before she goes on mat leave. I do however have some concerns about whether it would work, but can't work out if these are justified or not!
If she did come back my DC would be 4 and 18 months and her baby would be 10 months.
My main worry is that it will make life unnecessarily complicated and also that my eldest DC might miss out as care would be more focussed on the babies ( albeit he would be starting school). Also as she is taking 11 months off my youngest will never have been cared for by her, plus we would all be used to her mat cover replacement at that point ( I do know I have to keep her current job open for her but she has indicated she wouldn't want to come back without the baby). Additionally it would mean my house being baby-fied for a longer period!
Against that she is a lovely nanny and very much part of our family. I'd have no worries that she wouldn't still give my DC much love and care and fun.
Does anyone have any experience of NWOC positive or negative that they can share to help meake a decision?
There are loads of threads if you have a search. Some people find it works well, some don't. Key thing if you wants t go ahead of expressly go through a lot of detail so you are clear on things like what will happen if nanny's child is ill or yours are. Personally I'd be very reluctant
We tried a NWOC and it wasn't great, unless she has a significant drop in salary for the days she bring her own child there are not any positives for you (especially as your youngest doesn't know her).
I just found there was more mess, more stuff, less tidying and cleaning and less care. Though to be fair my experiences were not with nannies who went on maternity leave and then came back with their own child. But, you cannot spend as much one-on-one time with each child if you have three compared to two.
The positive for you is keeping a lovely nanny who is very much part of your family (and the financial saving).
As Clacks says, it works for some people, it doesn't work for others. I think it depends very much on the sort of person you are/what you want.
If the nanny is considered part of your family, then her baby will be too. Hopefully she'll stay long term and they'll grow up with your DC. If you're looking for a family environment for your DC it's fab. If you think the more fun, laughter, love the better then it can be a great experience for everyone.
However, there will inevitably be more stuff, more mess, possibly less being done, less attention per DC (although this doesn't actually have to be a problem. Many, many people look after more than 2 DC at a time, without one being neglected. It's entirely doable). There will be baby stuff in your house. There will be another person to think about. Another person to complicate matters.
2 out of 4 days could be the best of both worlds.
It really comes down to whether your gut instinct it 'great another playmate for my DC' or 'Oh God! Another baby to worry about'.
Whatever you decide just be absolutely clear with each other.
As a side note, 11 months is a long maternity leave if she's planning to bring the baby with her. I wonder if you allow her to come back with the baby whether she would come back a bit earlier.
I had three kids (of my own) under two. It is a survival exercise- getting anything done is very tough.
You would be at very high risk of her coming back, and realizing within days or weeks that it is too much and leaving you in the lurch for a single child family.
I would just say no TBH. She will be better with a new family that has one child.
Thanks all - the replies reflect my thinking! If I just had one child I would be more than happy to go with the arrangement, it's having two and also - I think I am right on this - the salary drop is usually only about 10%, so not really enough to make a difference.
Outraged - yes the long mat leave is also what puts me off a little too, if it had been shorter then I'd have been more inclined to definitely give it a try as would have the advantage of continuity ( I actually, ironically, took a shorter mat leave myself to enable me to keep my nanny on for continuity for the kids!). It's tricky though as I don't want to say anything that would seem like I was pressuring her to come back sooner, plus think she definitely does want the long leave ( financially she can relatively easily do so).
Will just have to weigh up the pros and cons and force myself to make a decision I guess. Part of the problem is it feels so strange and a little sad to think of her not being part of our lives in a big way, but, having said that, things change and we would still stay in touch! Luckily I have a fabulous mat leave cover nanny who the DC already know.
If you go with it, advice on here is to write into the contract that the ability to bring her child is for six months at a time and to be reviewed every 6 months.
Is this a first child? If so, it's probably reasonably safe to assume she might have another in x years' time. If x is fairly soon, then would it work with her bringing a baby and a toddler as well as caring for your two?
Possibly an idea - hypothetical for now, but could mean that ultimately this set-up wouldn't work for your family.
Good point westcountry - yes it is her first.
The 6 month then review would also be a good plan. I suspect I will conclude that it may be better for us all to not go ahead. I'm not really a 'baby' person - very nearly didn't have my own -, I mean obviously I care about any child but am not someone that particularly loves babies etc, so having an additional baby in the house isn't something that I'd see as a positive in itself.
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