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How do I tell my boss I'm pregnant?!?

(18 Posts)
Mrsf14 Tue 06-Jan-15 14:13:02

Hi, I'm a nanny and I've only been with my new family for 14 weeks, and I am 11 weeks pregnant. I am planning on telling then once I've had my scan. I am so scared to tell them as I feel awful as it isn't a planned pregnancy, ( hubby and I are so excited to become parents though!) I feel as though I am massively letting them down as I've not been here long and won't be here after I've had the baby. Part of the reason they hired me was my track record of staying with a family for a long time. I just don't know how to tell them! Any advice would be much appreciated!

msgrinch Tue 06-Jan-15 19:49:16

congratulations!!

just be honest with them, these things happen and people are much more understanding than you think. I'm sure they will be happy for you. I panicked telling my boss when I was pregnant. Had started a week before I found out shock (this is 7 years ago), I came in all flustered and apologetic. They were fantastic. grin

Tapestry12 Tue 06-Jan-15 21:34:48

Read some of the past threads on same theme before you make a decision whem to tell them.
Congratulations cake

Yerazig Wed 07-Jan-15 07:53:46

Yes read up some threads on here before you tell your boss. I've seen a few threads on this board that a nanny being pregnant is the worse thing ever. I think a lot of parents forget we as nannies will get ill, have accidents fall pregnant just like EVERYONE else. But some of the reactions to a nanny being pregnant, on threads started on here isn't great, My personal opponion.

DueIn2015 Wed 07-Jan-15 10:57:56

Mrs f I am in the EXACT same postion but a few weeks ahead of you. Told me employer at 15 weeks, it was miserable. Please hold your head up high. She has been nasty to me, she has told me how disappointed and angry she is and she feels I "planned this to trap" her and her family. Learn your rights. Stick to your guns and by all means by happy! Congratulations!

DONT expect flowers and joy, they probably won't be pleased, but don't take the same crap I took. I ended up telling her how it had happened to try and see her "forgive" me, it's none of anyone's business how you concieved.
cake brewflowers for you! I know how awful the idea of telling them is.

Mrsf14 Wed 07-Jan-15 13:47:22

Thank you for all your replies. I don't expect them to be happy about it.and I understand that, as they used an agency to find me so have just had to a pay a fee for that, and will have to again I guess to find cover for me. I'm just really worried that even though they seem to be genuinely lovely people I don't know them well enough to know how they will react! What if they get really angry and make my work life more difficult? I know it's scary for anyone to tell their boss they are pregnant and I need to tell them before I show, I'm just so scared! They may well be really cool about it and I guess I will find out when I tell them!

Greenfizzywater Wed 07-Jan-15 21:52:50

Ouch, I was fairly pissed off to pay £800 to an agency when the nanny only stayed a year. Don't expect them to be pleased but they should be professional about it, it's a risk you take when you employ a nanny. They can't sack you for being pregnant.

Be honest, you wouldn't be happy if you were in their shoes. No one would be. It's a huge amount of money to lose and the timing is unfortunate. But you have employment rights and hopefully they will realise that.

If you definitely aren't coming back they would appreciate knowing that, so they can offer a permanent job to your maternity cover. But you aren't obliged to tell them yet.

Congratulations and I hope your pregnancy goes well.

YonicSleighdriver Wed 07-Jan-15 21:59:14

I am not a nanny employer but could you speak to the agency first? They may be able to give a discount on a second fee.

Iggly Wed 07-Jan-15 22:05:04

When our nanny told is, I was very pleased for her. She'd been with us for 4 years and it would be hard to see her go on maternity but that's life!

So I'd be honest with your bosses and explain the situation. Hopefully they will be professional about it.

GritStrength Wed 07-Jan-15 22:07:02

Iggly, that is a little different to someone who has gone pregnant within a couple of weeks of starting!

Greenfizzywater Thu 08-Jan-15 12:47:09

Iggly that's totally different. Would you really be thrilled if a nanny who you'd had for 4 months told you that they are 3 months pregnant. Very likely there will be no refund from agency, the one I used only refunded if the nanny stays less than 3m. To expect the employers to be pleased is unrealistic, but they should be professional.

bbcessex Thu 08-Jan-15 13:35:03

Hi there,

I've had several nannies, two of whom have become pregnant; one after several years with us, and the second who told us she was pregnant within 3 months of starting (and being the replacement for nanny who left after having her baby).

Nanny 1 had become part of the family, was a lovely caring and reliable person, and I had kind of guessed she and her DP would be starting a family so it was no surprise and we were glad to have had her as long as we had. We still keep in touch with her and her (children) now.

Nanny 2 was a problem from almost the start; after a month or so, asking to change hours / job description, being unreliable, and then around 3 months in told us she was pregnant. I had given her informal warnings and was considering giving her notice prior to that (was trying make it work because DC had only just had a change from other nanny leaving) so that didn't help because of course I couldn't do that as she was pregnant and would seem like it was pregnancy related even though it wasn't.

So - clearly two different situations.

However as previous poster says; even though with Nanny 2 I was mighty pee'd off, there's no way I would ever be nasty / mean / visibly displeased about personal circumstances to any employee, especially not a pregnant one. For Nanny 1, I was genuinely delighted she was pg, but 'secretly' thinking 'damn, we're going to lose her', keep smiling. In case 2 I was falsely saying 'happy news' whilst thinking (other things!).

The best way to approach it, in my opinion as a nanny employer, is to ask for a word when the DC are out of ear, and to say something along the lines of "I have something to tell you. I'm sorry this is probably not going to be the news you were wanting to hear, and it's nothing something I had planned or expected when I took on this job, but I've recently found out I'm pregnant".

If you've had a good relationship with the family so far, no reason why they won't have a private gulp and then take it on the chin. It is possible for you to go back to work with your baby if they agree it, so that might be something to consider longer term.

Good luck :-) and congratulations x

Limpetsmum Sun 25-Jan-15 00:33:25

Do you have a contract? On paye?
You may have to have discussions with regards to maternity pay. If you're getting cash in hand and not specified in contract, I don't think you'll be entitled to anything. But double check - I'm not sure of the facts.
As someone who has a nanny, I would be annoyed. At the end of the day employers of nanny's are ' small businesses' and many just don't have excess cash to make extra payments out. But it depends on your relationship with your employer. I'd rather have a good trouble free nanny for 8 months than someone I was unhappy with for longer.

Legally your employer has no obligation to you and can make you redundant without a specific reason if you've been working for less than 2 years for them. As I understand it anyway. - Just check where you stand With employment law.

Good luck!

wewishyou Sun 25-Jan-15 18:50:43

Limpetsmum, employers can't fire a nanny because she is pregnant. It would be extremelly suspicious if a nanny was fired just after anouncing that she is pregnant.

There is also no such a thing as cash in hand. The emplyer of a nanny HAS to pay the taxes, NI, etc... and maternity leave rights depend on how long you worked before getting pregnant and not if your employers chose the legal way or not.

Limpetsmum Sun 25-Jan-15 22:56:23

Definitely not the case wewishyou. Lots of employers do cash in hand and nannies have no leg to stand on in cases like this. We have ours on payroll but I know nannies who at interview say they are willing to take cash in hand if easier! And I know employers who do cash in hand.
I looked into where I stood on terminating contracts as I wasn't keen on our first nanny. Apparently all an employer has to say is 'things aren't working out' and that's enough. In the end I decided to carry on with her as I was going on maternity leave again soon after.

It obviously doesn't look good if you terminate a contract soon after finding out your nanny is pregnant but legally I don't think there's much you can do if that's not the reason given.

Just advising original poster as it would be pretty crap to be made unemployed if you're expecting a baby but I think it can happen and legally- so might be best to put things in place before breaking the news in terms of going on a payroll etc.

Greenfizzywater Mon 26-Jan-15 06:36:44

How did it go OP? Have you told them yet?

wewishyou Mon 26-Jan-15 07:50:10

People kill, people sell drugs, people steal. It doesn't make it legal.

OP's employer's have to pay taxes and can't fire for being pregnant. If they don't respect that, OP has to look at ways to fix it.

glorious Mon 26-Jan-15 08:07:01

Limpets the 2 years doesn't apply to cases where there may be discrimination so in practice sacking someone who's pregnant is much more complicated. You can still do it if you follow due process and have a very clear case, but many employers would consider it too risky.

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