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Nanny and visiting relatives

(11 Posts)
Littletabbyocelot Thu 01-Jan-15 20:33:36

I'm about to go back to work part time and will have a nanny looking after our twins. I have an older relative who visits for a few weeks at a time. She's lovely but starting to lose boundaries. She views everyone she meets as a best friend and I'm worried she will be quite overwhelming for the nanny when I'm not there. She does things like I had a builder in and she followed him round telling him about all her health problems, phrasing it as if he'd asked when he just stayed silent. She has memory problems so I'd keep telling her to leave him alone and she'd be fine with it, then 5 minutes later she'd be off again. I can't stop her visiting as she's much loved just ill and unlikely to be around many more years. Nor can I take annual leave every time. She struggles to travel so has to come for a few weeks. It worries me because I see other people finding it difficult and a couple of friends won't visit if she's here. Any ideas how to manage it with the Nanny? Do I budget for extra excursions those weeks?

nbee84 Thu 01-Jan-15 20:59:26

Be honest and upfront with your nanny so that she knows the full situation. Let the nanny know that you are happy for her to be out and about more so that she gets a break. Could you maybe work some shorter days whilst your relative is with you?

Tapestry12 Thu 01-Jan-15 21:11:35

I think you will have to consider putting off having your relative visit for several months until you nanny is well established with your children and yourself. The most important thing is your children and their bonding with the nanny.
I assume you have always been home to look after and care for your relative when she has previously visited.
A nanny is not a 'carer', which it sounds like sounds like your elderly relative needs, and will not be able or indeed willing to care for her.
You could employ a 'carer' for the time your relative is there.

Sorry to be so blunt, this is just my opinion. Others could be very different.

livsmommy Thu 01-Jan-15 21:29:26

As a previous poster said be upfront and let your nanny know you don't expect her to be at home with your relative the whole time, and you're happy for her to be out and about more during the visit and I'm sure it will be fine. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest now, though it may have done when I was younger, it will depend on your nanny.

littleladyluna Thu 01-Jan-15 21:34:16

If you, as my boss, had briefed me in advance and encouraged me to take the kids out and about with extra funds then I'd feel a lot better about the situation.

As suggested above, perhaps you could arrange to get home earlier in order to relieve the nanny for the duration of your relative's stay.

NannyNim Thu 01-Jan-15 21:49:11

As Luna said, I would feel okay about your relative as long as you were open and honest about the situation and I was confident you didn't expect me to "look after" said relative and I had permission to take the children out as much as I liked.

If you can do anything to make the situation easier (such as getting home earlier or budgeting for an extra day out or two) I'm sure your nanny would be very appreciative, though,

A good nanny will take everything in her stride and it is only a few weeks in the grand scheme of things. It might be tough for her but you sound like a very understanding employer so hopefully she will be understanding in return and it will all go smoothly!

Littletabbyocelot Thu 01-Jan-15 22:39:55

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for the responses and Tapestry, thanks for being blunt - I was definitely after honest responses because I want to be prepared and ensure everything goes well. She is actually really independent and takes care of herself when visiting, it's just on the social / emotional level. I should be able to be at home more during her visits and will definitely have a very open discussion with my nanny as suggested. If she feels she can't cope I'll have to find another solution.

DearGirl Thu 01-Jan-15 22:43:37

As a nanny I would hope that these visits coincided with my annual leave or that my bosses would have short days at work during this period. While happy to have a quick chat in the mornings, I would probably aim to be out at least most of the day

needtomanup Thu 01-Jan-15 23:07:40

The children I nanny for have a granny suffering from dementia who visits occasionally. I personally have no problem including her for mealtimes and bringing her shopping or for coffee however I can bring the children out and carry on with the other jobs that are needed too. I think communicate with your nanny to see how she feels. Even if it doesn't work out at least you know where you stand and can work on plan b. Best of luck.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 02-Jan-15 01:25:57

You need to be upfront from the start and just do what you can to make it as easy as possible on the nanny. I would try and let the nanny have at least a few months to settle in before her first visit. Try and take some annual leave to cover her stay. Try and come home a bit earlier/work from home if you can. Allow the nanny to be out and about as much as she likes (extra kitty would be great). Maybe arrange for the relative to be out sometimes? Are there any clubs/shows/exhibitions she could go to or other relatives who could have her for an afternoon?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Fri 02-Jan-15 02:00:22

You don't need to delay the start of your nanny, just be upfront with her. Make sure they have enough kitty to be out and eat out (nanny too) as you reasonably can. A competent nanny will take it in her stride. It's not ideal, but if there's an end date and you tell the nanny what she should and shouldn't do for/with your visitor it'll be fine. Let her know how to cope with her the way you do or you want her to. Importantly let her know she can talk to you about it and that you appreciate it's an inconvenience. Also, will your relative try to interfere with her looking after the DC? If she might then your nanny needs to know she is in charge and what she says goes.

Also, have you spoken to your nanny about you being home more? That can be a deal breaker (if the nanny can't go home when you get home). Far worse than a bumbling relative mooching about the house! wink

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