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Need some advice/help

(13 Posts)
Nanny30 Thu 27-Nov-14 11:50:16

So I'm a nanny and have been in childcare for over 14 years. Worked for my last family for 8 years. Started a new job in September and I'm truly unhappy but am stuck until I find something with right hours/pay.
The problem started with it being advertised as sole care (which is all I do) and mum working from home in her office 2 days a week. What it really turned out to be was mum going to work 1 day a week and when she is "working from her office" she is "popping" in every 30 mins or so.
Every time the baby cries, when I'm trying to get her down at naptime she constantly walks in. I even came in to find she had taken her out of her cot the other day after I'd spent an hour trying to settle her.
Now putting those niggles aside today I have been very upset by the dads passive aggressive nature. The baby has been poorly going on 2 weeks, 1st a stomach bug, then a cold/throat infection. Both times may I add I've been the one to state the baby is very poorly and needs the doctor (mum was convinced it was a food allergy with the 1st and just a snuffle with the latter) then this morning dad in his round about way implied that me taking the baby out (groups,park etc) has been making her sick and I need to keep a better eye on the situation if she's ill and keep her home? He also continually told me how to administer medicine and when to do it. Over and over. I am not a junior nanny, I also have a 5 year old who I've managed to keep alive.
I'm feeling very frustrated and am not sure how to approach this, they constantly ask my opinion/advice and then do exactly what they want. It's very demeaning. And they have a real cleanliness issue in their house. It gets cleaned fortnightly and nothing in between. They don't even wipe the kitchen sides until I come in the morning to do it.
How on earth can I talk to these people? I feel like if I go against them in any way they will hand me my notice. Especially dad. And I need time to find a job 1st.

Jinxxx Thu 27-Nov-14 12:05:50

I think you have answered your own question. Keep calm, bite your tongue and keep looking for a better job.

Cindy34 Thu 27-Nov-14 12:12:16

Either embrace it or leave. It is their baby, their first I suspect. They are at least asking your opinion.
You took the job on knowing there was only the baby (or are there other children?) so knew they were first time parents.

Plans change, mum may have thought she could go out to work more days but has found that she does not want to be away from her baby that much.

Don't criticise them or try to change them. Embrace it and go with the flow.

Everyone has different standards of cleanliness. If it bothers you, tidy it up a bit but not too much. It's hard for them to let someone else in their home, so try to respect that their way is different to yours.

If you don't want to leave then you need to find a way to make it work. No one can tell you exactly how to do that.

Nanny30 Thu 27-Nov-14 12:13:02

I know. It's just so difficult. And being so unhappy to go to work each morning is really getting me down.
My friends keep telling me to just tell them how I feel but the nanny/employer relationship is very different from your avarage employee/boss relationship. And unfortunately jobs are drying up for Xmas so it looks like I'll prob be here till at least feb!!!

Nanny30 Thu 27-Nov-14 12:18:35

Cindy34 I understand that and I really have tried, but unfortunately I don't think they are looking for a nanny like me. I think maybe more of an au pair or someone who helps out.
Ive been looking for work but nothing out there right now. I'm mostly just upset today about being blamed for the child being sick. I think it's a bit cheeky given the fact that I spotted each illness and got it dealt with quickly and they don't seem to be so bothered about food on the floor/cat litter etc but are overly cautious about her going to a music group?

Cindy34 Thu 27-Nov-14 12:31:56

They choose to hire you. Given your experience I doubt you accepted a low pay. So their must be reasons for why they decided to hire you and not someone else. Try to focus on positives. Babies don't need to go to music groups. You may need adult company though, nannying can be lonely but as mum is around you are not alone, so work on that relationship.

Nanny30 Thu 27-Nov-14 12:36:29

Yea I totallly agree, the music group thing is very much pushed by them though and baby loves it. Mum is very nice and pleasant and I try to stay positive. Just a bad start to the day I think....

eeyore12 Thu 27-Nov-14 12:39:52

Also bugs picked up now and mixing with others will help build immune system ready for nursery/school so they will need less time off sick then.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 27-Nov-14 14:30:13

Sometimes you just know a job isn't going to work out and even more so with some pfb parents

It's weird they've employed you given your Exp and uou are Prob feeling a bit blah as left a job you've obv enjoyed for years

Life is too short to be in a job uou dislike so yes look for a new job and in the meantime just plod along as hard as it is and don't say anything to rock the boat

Saying all that - if mum went to work and they didn't query you etc would uou stay? IF yes then talk to them

Karoleann Thu 27-Nov-14 14:47:06

I've always had shared care nannies, generally it only works if you both back each other up (even if you don't agree), then discuss things later away from the children. However, I would have intervened if I had heard one of my children crying for an hour - after that length of time, you need to give them a cuddle for a bit and try again later. I'm all for babies self-settling, but there needs to be limits.

I also wouldn't have taken a baby to the doctor for either a tummy bug (unless I suspected dehydration) or a cold/sore throat unless I suspected either croup or bronchiolitis. Both are usually viral and there's little the GP can do.

Dad is also probably correct about the baby picking the bug up from the music group you attend. Doesn't mean that you shouldn't go though.
The cleaning thing is horrible....some people just seem oblivious to dirt. What happens if you don't clean the surfaces in the morning?
You just need a new family and they would be better off with a nanny/housekeeper or mother's help.

Nanny30 Thu 27-Nov-14 15:06:04

hi sorry I didn't explain that properly, I was settling the baby, going in and out, sometimes she was crying, sometimes she was rolling and distracting from sleep. I had left for a 5 min break and mum went in and picked her up.
The doctor thing isn't a problem, I don't think you need to go with every bug either but the baby is still only young and it was more that dad was judgemental of me taking the baby out and if it wasn't for me the baby wouldn't have seen a doctor yet? Also I took the baby to the groups as mum was very adamant I do. I just feel a bit stuck, seems like not only do they not know what they want from me they also seem to have a very different stance on parenting as a couple.

NannyAnna Thu 27-Nov-14 20:15:01

I feel your pain! Good luck I hope you find something new soon.

OhReallyDear Thu 27-Nov-14 21:00:11

OP. I feel for you, i once took a nanny job, the mother was suppose to work outside of the house, but after 6 weeks, she was still at home (the child was almost 3 years old) interfering all the time, the child cried because knew that the mother would come. She was obviously not ready to leave her DC. A nightmare.

For the music class, I always tell the parents when we decide to start playgroups/classes with the child(ren) that it might mean that their precious child might start catching colds or various bugs. I make sure the parents are OK with it.

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