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son's behaviour.

(11 Posts)
HowamIgoingtocope Tue 25-Nov-14 15:05:13

Okay the original thread has been hidden. My son is seven and goes to a childminder with his sister. Last night he had a meltdown, screaming, stamping being verbally abusive. He upset my childminder. I understand he is frustrated and I'm trying to understand what is going on in his little head. I have got school involved and the behaviour coach is talking to him today. His father is aware and is helping where he can. I'm doing a worry bag tonight so we can talk about his worries. Any advise would be helpful.

OhReallyDear Tue 25-Nov-14 15:16:54

If I may ask, how did you react when the childminder told you what happened?

FlorenceMattell Tue 25-Nov-14 15:19:14

Sorry I wasn't trying to say your child had medical problems. But sometime children misbehave when they are early stages of viral infection.
You sound a lovely caring mum; Bag of Worries sounds a good activity.
If I have understood correctly your childminder is finding your son's behaviour challenging at the moment and has asked for a break.
That's sounds a good short term plan.
Maybe it is a personality clash between the two of them.
He is clearly upset about something. So hope you can find out and sort it out for him. Are you in America? You mentioned Mom in the other post.
Do you have behaviour coaches at all your schools? Sounds a good idea.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 25-Nov-14 15:27:20

not sure why you have started this thread, i just replied on your other thread as on my 'on' list

def not hidden

anyway same reply

how did his dad deal with it, you said not correctly,as in why/how?

if your son behaves at school ie no meltdowns , to me that means he knows how he is behaving and is pushing the boundaries with you/dad and cm

you may find another cm but unless you get to the root of the problem/s then the same thing may happen

as i said in my first post cm have other children there and they have to make sure those children are safe, and if your son has outbursts that are abusive and angry

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 25-Nov-14 15:27:35

His school has behaviour coaches. It's a big school. I'm in the UK. I was upset and maybe too harsh to start with. I used the night to calm down and sent my son to bed early. I talked to him in the morning when I was calm. He understood alot of things. His behaviour is exemplary at school. I've found out a few worries this morning. I know our separation is a worry for him but I've put him straight. I kust wany to take his little worries and throw them out. Make everything better. This has set my anxiety off again and I'm sat at work in tears.

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 25-Nov-14 15:29:31

* just want to take his worries. If this is in the wrong place I'll post elsewhere.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 25-Nov-14 15:35:29

not the wrong place, as professional childcarer's there are many people on this board who can give advise


maybe also post on behavioural section for advice

i meant why had your done a 2nd thread as your original is still there

FlorenceMattell Tue 25-Nov-14 15:35:30

So hard being a mum OP, we feel our children's pain.
If you and his Dad can present an united front, and don't ever use the children to get at one another then they will be fine.
Something must have caused his melt down at the childminders. Start with trying to find out what it was. He may of course just be tired. I run a brownie pack. Our youngest are just 7 and they are all very tired by 5-6 pm this time of year. We have had tears over little things.
Hope you have someone you can talk to in real world.

FlorenceMattell Tue 25-Nov-14 15:37:30

You need to contact admin to remove the other thread, I think you have just hidden it from yourself. I will post admin for you where you pasted personal stuff

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 25-Nov-14 15:46:11

Thank you that will be alot of help I' in behaviour later. I'm exhausted they seethes father tonight. I explained to d's it was okay to be angry but it was not acceptable the behaviour he showed.therefore o am punishing his behaviour not how he felt. My ex only witnessed a meltdown a few weeks ago and his reaction was not ideal. My d's said he felt as if he was a baby when told off for shouting. That's what the meltdown trigger was. Ideally I want him to stay where he is. Here's loved very much
But at the end of the day my cm is running a business and has to think of.the other mindees and I respect that. Although it will cause financial worry.

OhReallyDear Tue 25-Nov-14 15:57:28

I'm afraid I can't help you with the behaviour problem, but it seems like you did what had to be done. It will be one step at a time.

Do you think the chlidminder ants to look after him? I think that if you wants to keep on sending him there, it is important that you aknowledge to her, that it is not OK for your son to behave like that with her. But it is also important that she is open minded and wants to work alongside with you to find a solution.

Once the childminder and you are on the same side, I would sit down with her first, and look for solutions. See what she could do when the first signs of meltdown happen. Find how to proceed and both stick to it

Maybe using a star's system? Having a board where she put a star when he behaves well, or when he starts misbehaving but stops when the childminder asks him. Or taking away a star when he hit/verbally abuse someone. And reward him when he has a certain amoubt of stars ( I know some people don't agree with the system but that might be a short term solution).

The worries bag is a good idea too. There could be a box where the childminder (or your son) put a note with some words to explain what is upsetting your son. At the end of the day you take the notes back and talk with him about what upset him, and how he could react next time.

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