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Au pair asked to hang around ..what would you do?

(12 Posts)
Thewiseonenot Sat 22-Nov-14 21:06:43

Posted this in AIBU but realized that probably should have posted here...

Friend has au pair, things haven't worked out OK and friend gave au pair 6 weeks notice to leave or find another family. This because friend is thoughtful that au pair had booked flight to go home for Christmas and didn't want her to incur extra expense.
3 weeks after au pair hasn't done much to look for anything, still out partying every week end and spend every free time in her room. Quality of her work OKeish but she has stopped trying and to build relationship with kids. This Under-stably.

When friend asked her a couple of days ago what her plans were, she said very matter of fact:

I am sure you don't mind keeping my stuff until January. When I come back I will look for a room and a job....no point looking now before Christmas!

She doesn't want to be an pair anymore so no looking for a family...

Friend explained that room will require a deposit to rent and that job might take months to find especially as she doesn't speak English.

She looked surprised, said uh oh.... My friend explained to her that she has got to go...cannot hang around until January.

But not much has changed as she is still going out week ends at night and staying in during the day...no showing any urgency in looking for anything.

My friend feels bad about it as atmosphere is not great and the au pair looks depressed when in and it's a very sad figure to see moving around the house.

I think that 6 weeks notice is more than enough and by end of it she should get key back and wave au pair goodbye without feeling responsible for it.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 22-Nov-14 21:32:19

When she goes home for Xmas and tbh 6 weeks notice /hanging around is more then Fair and Prob driving your friend nuts !!!! - then she takes all stuff and no more contact with ap ever

Callaird Sun 23-Nov-14 08:42:03

I agree with Blondes when she leaves for Christmas, she clears out her room, your friend has to tell her she needs the room for the new au pair/parents who are coming to stay for a month while she sorts out childcare. Anything left in the room will be put in the (damp and musty shed) and will be stored there for a maximum of 4 weeks, then it will be sent to a charity shop/the tip. Put all of this in writing for her now to give her time to sort it out. Also add that she needs to give x amount of days notice to come and collect her belongings.

I would personally change the locks but she must get the keys back from her before she leaves. Give her a bog standard reference, a small parting gift from the kids and wish her luck with her endeavours. Say goodbye and shove her out of the door!!

Thewiseonenot Sun 23-Nov-14 09:28:24

Good to see that I am not the only one to think she should cut ties when she leaves for Christmas.... My friend feels miserable for the girl and empathises a lot and wants her to be happy! But this girl's happiness is not my friends responsibility - right?

Thewiseonenot Sun 23-Nov-14 09:39:34

Blondes...you got it! It's a nightmare for my friend and any time i visit au pair will suddenly show up in the kitchen still in her pyjamas, looking very gloom, she sits at the table with us with her cup of tea and nods to our conversations.... She can't join in as her English not good but she wants to learn....and refused to go to school as too expensive... However she thinks her only way to learn is by trying to join in conversations with my friends and her friends!

I am her best friend - so I don't mind and I know full story. But my friend has stopped inviting around other friends or family who would find this very awkward sad .... Especially as au pair repertoire is very limited and mostly she goes on about the miserable weather and how sad she is all thr time...

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 23-Nov-14 12:29:35

Most ap's have 2 weeks notice so your friend is being very fair but when she leaves that's it. Anything left behind will be thrown.

Assuming ap can't have much stuff if hasn't been with your friend for a long time

Thewiseonenot Sun 23-Nov-14 21:47:58

She has lots of stuff - think primark best customer... But friend has offered to pay to ship it..

Itsfab Wed 26-Nov-14 20:45:41

I read this same thread a few days ago. Did that OP not get the replies she wanted? confused.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 26-Nov-14 20:51:38

No think she put in chat or aibu but also wanted professional childcarer's opinions smile

Itsfab Wed 26-Nov-14 21:22:32

I read the other OP as from the actual employer and then this one is from the "friend."

Thewiseonenot Wed 26-Nov-14 21:40:05

Threads are both my friend's...I don't have au pair... I was looking to hire au pair but they look like too much hard work emotionally and quite expensive too...
I got plenty of advice on other thread - thank you for asking!

Thewiseonenot Wed 26-Nov-14 21:42:58

Also got advice from blondes...Thank u Blondes!

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