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Is this normal?

(11 Posts)
needtomanup Sun 02-Nov-14 15:40:07

I am a nanny to 2 amazing little pre schoolers. They are so much fun, have amazing personalities and I love caring for them. I am with them 4 years.

There are a couple of problems I am experiencing with the mum. Firstly with discipline. If I correct the children or put them on time out (which we agreed to do) she'll pick them up and cuddle them. It's so frustrating! They are great children and it's not often I need to correct them but I just feel so belittled when she does this. It sends them the wrong message. I've said it to her on 2 different occasions how it undermines me and I need her support. Things improve for a while then it's back to square one. The kids aren't upset or crying when I discipline them so it's not as if she's seeing them distressed! Will I just stop correcting them when she's around or does anyone have any other advice?

Other issue is I'm asked to do a lot of things I know I shouldn't be responsible for eg cook and organise parties for the parent's birthday, collect a friend of theirs from the airport. I said no to the second request but the mum became huffy with me and ignored me. I do say yes to most things and I know I am a pushover in work (have no problem outside work). Any advice would be appreciated. I feel they are taking advantage but not sure how to address it.

I nannied for my previous family for 3 yrs, only left as they were all in school and have never encountered these problems with them so am at a bit of a loss.

OhReallyDear Sun 02-Nov-14 16:21:53

They treat you really badly! The mother has no respect for you. The bad news is that I don't think she will change...

Is she there every day? Could you look for another work?

needtomanup Sun 02-Nov-14 16:34:59

Not every day, 2 - 3 days she works in her office from home. Which is in an outhouse in the garden so when she's there it doesn't interfere with the kids and I. It's when she comes in for tea/lunch/watch tv etc. If she's off work I always bring the children out somewhere.

I can look for other work, it's just a pity as I'll miss the kids. Thanks for your comment. I sort of knew that's what would be recommended.

FlorenceMattell Sun 02-Nov-14 17:20:37

Agree with the family having no respect for you. Find another job.

Fedupnanny Sun 02-Nov-14 18:57:03

This post could of been written by me!

It's so hard when parents don't support you. Iv been in my job for 3 1/2years and adore my two preschoolers.

I can't offer any advice, I go from one day desperate to leave and the next day I could have areally good day and be fine.

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one with these problems

needtomanup Sun 02-Nov-14 19:20:09

Fedup it definitely helps knowing someone else feels the same. Hope things improve for you. I don't really want to leave but I feel so underappreciated and it's being to grate on me now. Everything is just left for me to do.

In fairness the children's father does support me regarding the discipline but he's not around as often.

Greenfizzywater Sun 02-Nov-14 22:18:20

^ eg cook and organise parties for the parent's birthday, collect a friend of theirs from the airport.^

Is this in your normal nanny hours, and you are asked to do it while the Mum has the kids, in extra time for which you are paid or in extra time for which you aren't paid?

If the first it's annoying, but if was discussed at the start then I wouldn't get too stressed as in the end you are at work and most of us would be flexible in the time we are paid to be at work. If paid overtime you can decline it. If unpaid overtime they are taking the mickey!

Greenfizzywater Sun 02-Nov-14 22:18:34

italics fail!

needtomanup Sun 02-Nov-14 22:37:32

Each time was within my hours however I do have the kids as well. The toddlers "helped" shop for ingredients, wine etc and make everything. It's not so much that I was asked to do one thing, it happens regularly. I'm happy to cook for them as its hard to make curries, chillies. bolognaise etc for 2 little ones, I go to the post office, dry cleaners, do the weekly shop as we're out and about anyway. I really think I am being flexible!

I just think some things are not nanny duties. I rarely refuse to help which is probably why it's escalated.

Regarding collecting the friend, I refused as I was sick with tonsillitis. I was still minding the kids. I took them to the doctor with me. They were exposed anyway so their parents weren't concerned that they would get sick.

I don't have an issue regarding my wages, I am always paid on time and never have to ask.

Cat111 Mon 03-Nov-14 00:29:47

I can only comment from the point of view of having worked for over 10 years for an employer who had a nanny. It was a home office so I saw a lot of the nanny and I know that she basically did huge amounts that didn't strictly fit with the role. She used to cook for them, and do additional cooking for dinner parties, give lifts to their friends, collect dry cleaning, do laundry and ironing. It did surprise me that she did such a wide variety of things but she seemed really happy and when the children went to school it meant that she could keep her hours up as they knew she was happy to take on other roles. I think a lot of it comes down to your relationship with your employer.

On the discipline count, I have a CM and I give her free rein to discipline the kids if they have been naughty as she would her own son. I wouldn't dream of undermining her but I think she is softer on them than I am.

needtomanup Mon 03-Nov-14 19:56:14

I appreciate hearing from an employers point of view thanks. There are always extras we as nannies are happy to do I just feel I am caring for the children less and less and doing a lot more other things. Like I said I am more than happy to help out I just sometimes feel too much is expected. I only ever said no once and it was when I was sick!

The parents do discipline the children at the weekend as they have told me and so have the kids, they are stricter. Both can be very difficult at times for them which is why I don't understand the lack of support.

Anyway maybe it is just getting to me more because I'm sick. Thanks everyone.

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