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Nanny clearly pregnant but not telling me.

(29 Posts)
carolinedd Sat 27-Sep-14 18:53:13

My current nanny started with us back in May and we're generally very happy with her. The thing is, she now looks quite obviously pregnant and is trying to hide it with loose tops. I know that legally she doesn't have to tell us until she is 25 weeks but what I am wondering is, would any of you ask? It is really very obvious, when she started she was size 8 skinny and now has a big bump. She already has a 3 year old so it's not a huge shock to us. It would cause disruption if she is but I would be genuinely happy for her and would just like to know so we can start planning for the future. Should I brave it or is it just plain rude to ask???? Thanks for any advice.

wingcommandergallic Sat 27-Sep-14 18:57:53

Mmmm tough one.
Generally I would say it's rude to ask and you should wait until she tells you.

However, I can see how you would want to make plans.

If you are genuinely pleased for her and get on well then perhaps have a cup of tea and a biscuit together and casually ask her. All you need to know at this point is a rough idea when she's due. I imagine she would appreciate some reassurance from you too.

Moreisnnogedag Sat 27-Sep-14 19:06:15

Ooh I wouldn't ask. There may be a multitude of reasons she may be waiting to tell (she may have had issues and be waiting for the abnormality scan) or it may be a different health issue.

nannynick Sat 27-Sep-14 19:59:10

I would not ask. I would however expect her to tell you at the appropriate time. Meanwhile, if there are parts of the job which she is finding hard, I would expect her to say that she is finding things difficult so between you plans can be made to adapt things if possible.

I can see that it is tempting to ask, especially if it is reasonably clear that there has been a change but there may be reasons why she wan't to withhold information for now. If your relationship is good, then I expect she will tell you before she legally has to do so.

Week 19 before week of EDD is the time Nanny will get MATB1 form.
Week 15 before week of EDD is employer notification week.
Maternity Leave Timeline (pdf)

carolinedd Sat 27-Sep-14 21:00:22

Thanks everyone, you've confirmed my thoughts, but it's so frustrating waiting for her to tell me - maybe next week.... hmm

FishWithABicycle Sat 27-Sep-14 21:22:09

You can start planning, discretely, before she tells you surely? Obviously you don't know exact dates yet but you can start investigating?

Best not to ask though. She's got every right to keep it to herself till she's ready - and could well have good reason to keep it private. If she's normally size 8 she could be showing very early.

TweedAddict Sat 27-Sep-14 21:27:59

Ask her if she's finding any of the work hard, or is happy with how things are going. Offer her a chance to take lighter duties, ie not bending over too much. She doesn't have to you she's pregnant and you don't have too ask, but you can still be an approachable, helpful boss who she feels easier talking too

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 28-Sep-14 09:16:33

Are you wondering if she was preg when started job?

carolinedd Sun 28-Sep-14 15:27:14

No, blondes, not bothered if she was pregnant when started, not about the dates, would just like to plan smile

Hanl30 Sun 28-Sep-14 16:38:00

My last employer didn't tell me til she was 18 weeks then her own work til 20 weeks. Unfortunately she is within her rights not to tell you but like others said you can discretely make plans anyway

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 28-Sep-14 18:41:08

Bless you smile not all bosses want a preg nanny

carolinedd Sat 25-Oct-14 22:09:59

Argghhhh, another week gone by and still not telling me. Frustrating. I just wonder if she is really nervous about telling me? She shouldn't be as we get along well, but maybe she feels awkward as she's not been with us that long. I know she lost a baby previously at around 20 weeks and know she may be nervous about this pregnancy. But she also knows that we lost our first ds at 37 weeks so we would completely understand. I'm am sooooo tempted to broach the subject as I would hate to think she is stressing about it but I won't (yet!).

AGnu Sat 25-Oct-14 22:22:40

You could pretend you haven't noticed & start a friendly chat with her about whether she wants any more DC? Might make it easier for her to tell you.

Or you could do the mature thing & wait for her to tell you.

I'd do the first option... blush

Pugsake Sat 25-Oct-14 22:28:25

Maybe she's in a tiny bit of denial op. I lost my son at twenty weeks ( I'm sorry for your loss too caroline ) and iv always said if I get pregnant again I wouldn't tell anyone till 24 weeks or believe it myself probably's iyswim.

You sound like a lovely caring employer though smile

Cullercoats88 Sun 26-Oct-14 08:48:27

Agreed with most other posters, if she has had a tragic loss beforehand, she is probably just being really, (understandably) cautious.
Why not do what you can to make job easier for her? Try eliminate heavy lifting, returning home from work on time, and trying to make plans for when she is on maternity leave, maybe start contacting agencies?
She will tell you when the time is right for her, and she will appreciate how caring you clearly are!!

AlpacaMyBags Sun 26-Oct-14 08:58:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 26-Oct-14 09:56:20

So a month ish has gone past since your orginal post - are you sure its a pregnant bump?

NeDeLaMer Sun 26-Oct-14 10:03:43

Another month... that's a long time for you to have kept your thoughts to yourself. However, she probably doesn't want to tell anyone until she's past the date at which she lost her other baby sad It's probably got nothing to do with worrying about if you will understand or not and everything about being in denial. It can't be long now before she's at the stage where she will have to tell you, legally. Have you decided if you want her to come back after she has had this baby (with the baby) or not? Does she bring her 3yo to work?

OhReallyDear Sun 26-Oct-14 10:41:32

I would be extremelly careful when asking if she is pregnant or "planning to have more children". What if the poor woman had a miscariage?

Really, it's stressful for you, but you have to wait. (And for what it worth, one of my employer really seemed pregnant to me, as her bump suddenly popped and grew, but I worked for another year and she obviously wasn't pregnant).

Just wait.

carolinedd Sun 26-Oct-14 16:13:12

Thanks everyone, yes, she's definately preggers, bump slowly getting bigger. She also inadvertently blurted something about "this baby" to my mum before realising what she had said and changing the subject!
She doesn't bring her daughter to work, and I suspect she won't come back after the baby as her daughter will be starting school in September and she lives a 40 min drive away from us. Also, we live in a vilage and she can't fit 4 kids in her car so I wouldn't want her bringing baby as it would mean my kids being stuck here. Think I'll give her another week before doing anything else, but nice to get it off my chest. smile

Stealthpolarbear Sun 26-Oct-14 16:19:43

I think legally your responsibilities to her from a health and safety point of view start as soon as you know she's pregnant, not when she actually tells you, so please bear that in mind

Itsfab Sun 26-Oct-14 21:47:23

If you start to plan for her leaving you can have it all in place for when she does tell you.

Sorry for your loss.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 26-Oct-14 23:02:49

If she said that to your mum then you have a starting point and say along the lines of mum mentioned your were preg. Many congrats

carolinedd Sat 08-Nov-14 15:27:31

Finally, an announcement of her pregnancy - by text message!! But, anyway, just glad to finally know smile

LuckyLopez Sat 08-Nov-14 15:28:12

Ah! Tell her the whole of Mumsnet send their congrats wink

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