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Badly let down by nanny in 2nd week of work

(76 Posts)
merchm24 Thu 31-Jul-14 22:09:35

We have had a major blow - the nanny we thought was wonderful and had done a very thorough background check on, has just flaked out and not shown up for work in her second week. I have tried repeatedly to reach her by phone, text and email to find out what went wrong but she actually hung up on me today. I am speechless. DH and I thought she was great, her references were amazing, and she seemed happy. We were bending over backwards to be generous and fair with her. What happened?? we have a lovely little 2 year old and I now feel like I can't trust anyone. Can you imagine if she had taken him away and we were not able to reach her as she was not picking up her phone?? I feel like there must be good nannies out there, but we have had 2 bad experiences so far (the first one spent far too much time on her phone and Skyping). Help, am so depressed and anxious.

FlorenceMattell Thu 31-Jul-14 22:35:48

Oh dear that's not very fair on you.
I assume she is in probationary period. Wonder why she didn't just say it is not working and give notice.
You said you bent over backwards to be fair? Can you give more info, understand if you don't want to for privacy.
Did you recruit her through an agency , could you contact them to find out why she has left?

FabulousFairy Thu 31-Jul-14 22:40:48

Don't panic, you can get an emergency nanny/temp nanny in the meantime.
Then think about what might have gone wrong?
It could be something you are doing but don't realise. Getting the balance right can be tricky.
Are you allowing the nanny to nanny or are you telling the nanny how to nanny?
Just some initial thoughts.
You will get get some good responses from your OP I think.

merchm24 Thu 31-Jul-14 22:41:42

we didn't find her through agency, it was a recommendation from someone. I assume she found another job, but why wouldn't she just communicate that to us??

In terms of trying to be fair and generous, we took a long list of the foods she liked and did a big shop to stock the house, we offered to pay for her broken phone screen as she dropped it when DS lunged at something and she got distracted, we agreed to holiday dates chosen by her for the whole year, even though technically I suppose we were entitled to say when we wanted her to take holiday etc.

How do people find these amazing nannies I keep reading about? I want one !!

FabulousFairy Thu 31-Jul-14 22:49:00

You will get one! There are are lots of us out here.
I know it is early days but your first two nannies were not right for you and it is better for your LO that they are gone.

FlorenceMattell Thu 31-Jul-14 22:58:16

To leave after just a week is unusual, she hadn't given the job a chance. Her refusing to communicate suggests guilt; think she had two jobs to choose between.
Holiday usually you would honour any existing holiday if it booked. But yes you say when she takes holiday. But most employers choose 50/50.

merchm24 Thu 31-Jul-14 23:04:53

I am going mad trying to think of what might have gone wrong but I guess the most logical explanation is that she got another job ???

I just need to move on, but I feel so cursed ! 2 bad nannies in a row? Please any amazing nannies out there who want a FT job for 3/4 days a week, get in touch ! We live in West London

Is it better to go through an agency? I really cannot take the stress of trying to find a new nanny again on my own !

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 31-Jul-14 23:11:44

Whereabouts in West London are you?

The comment about 'what if she'd taken him away' is a bit odd. Not turning up for work is bad, but it's hardly the same as child abduction!

TwelveLeggedWalk Thu 31-Jul-14 23:18:50

If she failed to turn up for work, failed to contact you, then hung up, she is clearly unprofessional, unreliable and rude, don't take that as a reflection on you. If nannies repeatedly leave after about 3 months in the job, I'd start to wonder, but this isn't personal, she was just a Bad 'Un.

Move on, get recommendations from friends in your area of agencies, trust your gut.

mellicauli Thu 31-Jul-14 23:19:59

She probably just got a better paid job offer and was too cowardly to handle it properly.

Cindy34 Thu 31-Jul-14 23:20:20

How is a 3 day, or 4 day (is that the problem, were the days fixed?) a full time job? In nannying I would say only a 5 day job is FT, anything else is PT.

Live out job? Were they local, or could it be something to do with travel distance/hassle that has put them off?

Seems strange that they won't communicate with you. When you called and they hung up, are you sure it was them and not someone else answering their phone? Maybe protective boyfriend does not want them having a job <clutches at straws>.

Messygirl Thu 31-Jul-14 23:21:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihatefootball Thu 31-Jul-14 23:21:14

A full time job isn't 3-4 days a week, by the way.

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 31-Jul-14 23:29:13

Finding a four day nanny shouldn't be that hard. I'm in West London and there are loads of nannies that work/want to work a four day week. 40-48 hours a week is full time, even if that's over four days instead of five!

allisgood1 Thu 31-Jul-14 23:39:04

How old was the nanny? That could be part of the issue. Saying that, we had a fantastic 24 yr old nanny followed by a really shit 40yr old one (who runs her own agency god help us all!).

merchm24 Fri 01-Aug-14 04:59:35

Thanks all for the replies. She lived fairly locally so distance was not an issue. I take your point about it not being full time if only 4 days a week (3 for now, and moving up to 4 days in Sept), I just meant that it was 10 hours a day not just 2 or 3 hours a day.

The twist to the story is that she finally got in touch and explained that a huge crisis had arisen about a friend in hospital and that is why she did not show up for work and only sent a text. And as for ignoring my calls/emails/texts all day, she was tied up with her friend (she did not husband or family member) in hospital and missed my calls. She says she did not hang up on me, she claims it was poor reception.

Do I give her another chance? or write her off as someone I can no longer trust? I don't know if I believe any of what she has told me. She is otherwise good, but this has badly shaken me.

Eastpoint Fri 01-Aug-14 05:03:08

That sounds dodgy, you don't need to give her a second chance, move on.

Coughle Fri 01-Aug-14 05:14:02

Really? She didn't have 5 minutes to walk outside and call you?


ArsenicFaceCream Fri 01-Aug-14 05:22:10

What happened?? we have a lovely little 2 year old and I now feel like I can't trust anyone. Can you imagine if she had taken him away and we were not able to reach her as she was not picking up her phone??

There's a big big gap between the two things. Try not to worry.

HolgerDanske Fri 01-Aug-14 05:24:36

When my daughter was in hospital I couldn't text or call anyone. There was no signal and I couldn't just walk outside for five min as hospitals are huge and I was extremely stressed and worried I wouldn't find my way back. I didn't have proper contact with anyone for probably six to eight hours or something. So it's not necessarily as dodgy as it might sound.

HolgerDanske Fri 01-Aug-14 05:25:59

People tried to call me and the reception was awful, very unpredictable and I did have missed calls, missed texts and no proper contact with anyone for the whole crisis period where it wasn't realistic for me to just walk out.

merchm24 Fri 01-Aug-14 05:34:47

Arsenic, I just meant that if she had taken child for outing and was not answering phone so no way to reach her etc.

I take your point that hospitals are not easy places to reach people, but this was her friend, not family member so not realistic that she couldn't step outside for 5 mins, obviously not the same if if was your child for example.

In any event, I don't have a problem with her not coming to work because she has a crisis, we all have them. it was the way she did not communicate this properly and keep me informed what was going on, I really didn't know if she was going to show for work on her second missed day (she didn't) and I didn't hear from her until 1 pm on the second missed day of work.

Give up on her? or give her another chance?

ArsenicFaceCream Fri 01-Aug-14 05:45:09

Arsenic, I just meant that if she had taken child for outing and was not answering phone so no way to reach her etc.

I understand that, there is always the risk of networks going down etc when your child is with someone else.

My point was that the choice(s) she made, whatever it was (to accompany friend to hospital, to not show for work, to hang up) is probably not one she would have made if she had actually been on duty as nanny, with your child in your care. Two separate scenarios. Although she has been, in my view, very unreliable and sloppy, she hasn't been very unreliable and sloppy on duty so don't let those images flash through your head about her or nannies in general.

I understand that you are upset and why I just thought it was important to make the distinction.

The other points weren't mine.

Personally I wouldn't use her again because of the unreliability (and possible dishonesty).

Pennies Fri 01-Aug-14 06:33:16

Give up on her. One day is just about OK. Two days with just a text for any kind of communication is not. She's not to be trusted IMO.

Iggly Fri 01-Aug-14 06:42:46

You really shouldn't confuse two issues I.e. not being able to get in touch with her when she is with your child (why would you unless an emergency) and what happened.

I would give her another chance if it were my nanny - but that is because I trust her.

If I didn't then no way.

But if you don't trust her then you have the wrong nanny. Maybe a nanny isn't for you?

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