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Sacked the AP, atmosphere in house.

(182 Posts)
BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 13:06:12

Just that, really.
Bit stressed.

ReallyTired Thu 24-Apr-14 13:08:54

I'm sorry that you had to sack the AP. Are you making her work out her notice? Surely it would be better to offer to just pay her off in leiu. Does she have anywhere else to stay? It must be a horrible situation for everyone.

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 14:04:11

It's a him, and I have, yes, but he is currently sulking in his room. I have sent him an email (so it's in writing), stating that he needs to work the hours originally agreed for the pay originally agreed, otherwise the agreement will be terminated immediately. This all came about because he started giving me big bills for overtime, including time he spends out of choice eating dinner with us and so on (!) I am a slave driver, apparently, making him work 13 hours a day including all these meal and nap breaks of his, and all his telly viewing time. He has been fairly verbally abusive to me in front of the kids about it all - waits until DH is out of the way to do this.

NigellasDealer Thu 24-Apr-14 14:05:14

so is he actually sacked or not?

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 14:05:51

He has been given two weeks notice.

NigellasDealer Thu 24-Apr-14 14:07:24

to be honest boffinmum that is very generous of you if he has been verbally abusive to you in front of the kids.
if I had the readies I would be thinking about managing without him for those two weeks and just paying him off and giving him a swift boot out of the house.

TheScience Thu 24-Apr-14 14:08:08

Why not just pay him off and send him away? Surely you can't really leave him with your children if he's verbally abusive?

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Thu 24-Apr-14 14:08:11

Ok... so go knock on his door and gently ask him what he thinks about your email. Ask if he wants to stay for his notice or go straight away. Then book his flight home. Then you can all relax because you'll know when he's going!

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 14:08:33

Believe me I am tempted but I am following official guidelines here.
He was mildly abusive rather than really loud and horrid. Enough to get rid, but not enough to throw out there and then.

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 14:09:18

Ninja, that's actually a very good idea. I think he is in the shower so I will give it half an hour and then do exactly that.

Thank you.

ReallyTired Thu 24-Apr-14 14:10:50

If he has been verbally aggressive then I think you are within your rights to kick him out of the house. It sounds like he was committed gross misconduct.

Prehaps if you are feeling kind you can book into a hotel for the night. I am not sure if you are legally obliged to. Prehaps its worth phoning ACAS to ask how you can shot of this "kevin" like au pair as soon as possible without breaking the law.

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 14:12:41

Always best to aim for consensual departure. Saves bad karma in the end, trust me.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Thu 24-Apr-14 14:14:19

Oh boff
I think you're not destined to have an ap

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 14:17:03


Blondeshavemorefun Thu 24-Apr-14 15:07:05

oh boffy sad not more childcare hassles sad

thought this ap was a good one??

ffs billing overtime to eat a meal with you/your family hmm

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Thu 24-Apr-14 15:13:55

Sorry it wasn't a judgement
Read it in a sympathetic tone as I know all the ap problems live had

(I'm the metallic April one)

Sounds horrible.

Hope he leaves soon!

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 15:17:29

Blondes, he was not at all bad, but he has now 'gone funny' as my mum would say. It happens.

He also billed overtime for coming along on a cinema trip with me and the kids, paid for by me, and eating my popcorn as well, as well as having a drink bought for him.

Slave driver, me. wink You know how evil I am with these people.

In other news, Nice Nanny who was with us two years is having first baby very soon! Very exciting!

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 15:18:11

How are you Blondes? Missed you! <smooch>

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 24-Apr-14 15:55:20

yah for nice nanny shes my clone

i must rem to bill the lady i worked for the other month when she took me out for lunch and paid for it hee hee

im ok thanks smile

GreenMonth Thu 24-Apr-14 17:04:57

What a pain, I can't stand sulkiness. My DC are very hard work and I think it would make me very stabby to have an au pair who was hard work too.

My current au pair is leaving in June, having been with us for a year. He's just so perfect that I begged him to consider staying until DS is ready for Uni (only another 9 years), but for some reason that was less attractive to him than getting a proper job and living with the girlfriend that he is besotted with. grin

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 18:21:41

Right, when I went up there to be nice as suggested, he started doing it AGAIN! So I said he had to leave with immediate effect, i.e. 9am tomorrow morning. He did look a bit shocked at that but he genuinely has no idea how rude he comes across, I think. he is like a much younger person. Is this a Spanish male thing, I wonder?

He then came up with a lot of waffle about me shouting at him, my bad tone of voice, him never getting a word in edgeways, I always rip him off, I never ... I always ... in the manner of a bad marital argument, with lots of eye rolling, interruptions and passive aggression at the same time. It really was like talking to one of my children on a bad day, except frankly they can be more reasonable.

I think the real issue is that he can be a bit lazy and slightly entitled at times (he tried to charge me £4 extra this afternoon for 30 minutes picking up one of the kids before his usual afternoon start time, when the only work he had done this morning out of his allocated three hours was empty the dishwasher - I basically told him I would do it myself and his services were not required at all from this point onwards if that was his attitude), but he equates anyone standing up to his nonsense and telling him off for anything as shouting at him, just as teenagers do. Only he is 24 and a qualified teacher. I am not sympathetic to that, and I certainly don't need that sort of nonsense in my house. The contrast with our last two au pairs is very striking - yes, they made mistakes, as we all do, but a sorry and a will try harder goes a long way in this sort of role.

I have offered to pay for his flight home, and for lots of luggage on Ryanair, and he leaves tomorrow. As a karmic gesture, I offered to take him and the boys out for a final dinner if he wants to go, so we part on reasonable terms. I also said if he gave passive aggressive backchat to future bosses in 'real' jobs, for example to a future head teacher, he would find himself out of a job fairly rapidly, so he needed to take on board what I was saying about the rudeness, for his own future wellbeing. He didn't quite believe me but I think he was aware somewhere in that gormless head of his that I was trying to give good advice.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day and I think we will both be relieved that this is all over. I think I will offer to take him to the station so he can get the train to the airport, and then move on with life.

I am tempted to get a temp nanny for 6-8 weeks to get us through the stress of eldest's GCSEs, if anyone knows someone looking for work.

GreenMonth Thu 24-Apr-14 18:42:44

I've had a few teachers on my shortlist, but they've never made it past the Skype stage as they generally gave the impression that I would be lucky to have them because they were teachers. I'm looking for more of a big brother type who will play with the kids so usually end up with people who have studied non-child-related stuff but have worked in a summer camp or as a sports coach. I did have a au pair who had a masters in educational psychology, and while she was a very pleasant girl she didn't know how to just relax and join in with their play because she was used to directing play and using it to assess kids.

BoffinMum Thu 24-Apr-14 18:49:04

That's interesting GreenMonth. My best ones have with hindsight been refugees from the catering industry. Perhaps when people have worked long hours in hot places being yelled at, a bit of light hoovering and pootling down the park holds more appeal.

Artandco Thu 24-Apr-14 18:56:33

Are you sure it's all him? Not being funny but some things you say indicate its probably both sides

Ie; if you were scheduled to work 9-12, didn't do much work as not needed, then was asked to work at 4pm for nothing, wouldn't you be a bit annoyed? They might have had other plans later etc, and surely it's not someone else's problem if work isn't there to do, doesn't he have children to watch/ pick up/ feed? If not maybe just hire a cleaner

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