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nanny child behaviour help!!(12 Posts)
Hi, need some advice please. Have been working with my present family 2 days a week for 6 months and they have a 18month old son (i also bring my daughter with who is the same age), so far everything has been fine, family nice etc but over the last 6 weeks the little boy has been pushing my little girl, grabbing her, pulling her hair.
She is of course getting very upset (as am i), I am of course telling him no, moving him away from her, trying to watch his ever move, getting him to say sorry. Mum has just started to work from home and his behaviour towards my little girl gets worst whenever mum is around..... do i just quit (which at the mo seems my only option and my gut feeling) or has anyone been in a similar situation and some words of wisdom. Thanks
Is it your first nanny position? Little boys and little girls are very different..I remember one mum telling me when ds1 was about the same age, you either have a hitter, a biter or a kicker! Ds2 was a kicker and DD is very different not at all aggressive.
My two boys would usually lash out when they were either hungry or bored. Dd is very happy pottering about the house, but both boys needed to go out pre and post nap. Either to an activity or to the park.
I'd go out and keep him busy. I can't speak for all boys, but my ds has a huge amount of energy to burn off. Entertained and exhausted is the way forward.
I personally don't think it ever works out for a nanny to have a child who is the same age as the charge. There's always competition and the nanny's feelings are understandably biased, in my experience.
I don't agree that this is a boy/girl thing, they really aren't different at that age unless adults expect them to be. Except in that all children are different personalities. Though do agree if you're not getting outdoors with them every day you should, who wouldn't in this weather?
I think what you need to do is work really hard on showing the children how to relate nicely to each other, how to touch gently, how to play together. At that age mine found positive instructions much easier to understand and follow than negative. So I'd say "stroke gently, like this" and demonstrate, rather than "no, don't hit". Focus their attention on what you do want rather than what you don't.
Maybe it just isn't a good combination of personalities, you're right. But they're very little and can learn a lot quickly if you find the right strategy. Have you discussed the problem with the parents?
I think children can sense competition and to his mind your DD has her mummy but he doesn't have his, even though she's at home, and that is understandably going to be tough.
As for how to deal with it - keep them occupied, teach collaborative play and social skills, get them to respect personal space and praise praise praise good behaviour.
It can also be learned behaviour. This is the age they're trying to work out their gender roles so he may be copying something he's seen an older male do, even on TV.
It's not a gender thing - I have a boy who has never been a hitter, biter or kicker. However at that age he went to a childminder who had a little girl mindee the same age who would bite, scratch, hit DS whenever she had the opportunity. The only thing you can do at that age is supervise really closely, and jump in as soon as you see a trigger.
Unfortunately the CM wasn't able to supervise sufficiently to keep DS safe and we had to change his days eventually.
Its an age and developmental thing not a sex thing. I am a nanny and the worst biter etc I have had was a girl. Its a stage a lot of kids go through. It doesn't make it right you just need to teach them. In a few months time it could be your daughter who is hitting their son etc so I would try not to be so quick to think of leaving. You could run into the same problem time and time again.
Show him how to play nicely. If you can get him mid hit redirect him to stroke instead.
18months is not too young to start learning social skills (like not hitting and snatching). It's a process, he won't get it overnight but the negative behaviour has to be replaced by something. Nor is it took young to start identifying with one gender over another, usually because society starts reinforcing boy/girl separation by giving boys cars and girls dolls, and they are starting to copy adult behaviour usually from the gender they're identifying with. If the tv is on in the background who knows what's registered from crappy soaps (and of course we could go into why it's men who are portrayed as aggressive on TV but that's sidetracking a bit).The point is it's possible he's seen it and thinks it's okay. Or it might be a perfectly natural phase exacerbated by immature communicative skills, hence needing to teach social skills.
This is normal behaviour to gain attention/reaction. This is a way of learning that it I do this I can get that response. They don't really understand the concept of hurting each other, this needs to be learnt. What you are seeing is the same behaviour that many of us multiple mums see when we have same age children regardless of gender. You need to find a way to teach him what is nice behaviour and what is not. You will tell him a thousand times and it will be a passing phase. However your daughter may them do something similar. I dont think running at the first sign of trouble is wise, your daughter cannot be sheilded from these things all her life. Why not let her learn to deal with it at the same time as you teach him?
I have 2 boys, neither were biters, hitters, or kickers, we just used to have mini meltdowns on the floor when hungry, tired etc
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