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Childminder - Advice and support needed..

(18 Posts)
missusmrs Thu 27-Feb-14 15:33:26

We have been with our current CM for 5 months now and there have been various issues that have bothered me but I have never addressed - too much TV, pizza/fishfingers every night, panics over every runny tummy/spot etc - ringing calling me home from work etc.
We started potty training 3.5 weeks ago, we had our 2.9 at home as she was on hols for 2 weeks mid term so we we spent the time potty training and went back dry with no accidents. he has been with her now 1.5 weeks and he has had 2 accidents, both which have lead to a near meltdown on her behalf. Last week he had an accident at soft play and she was furious both with my DS and us wheb we collected. My DS1 (5.5) has since quoted her going on about a waste of money and how naught DS2 is etc. Since then our drop off an dpick conversations have only centred around toilet routine. yesterday he was at he park and had an accident she told my DH on pick up last night. At drop off this am, she has a right go at me wondering why he couldnt 'get it', most kids did at 2, she has never had a kid who had accidents (She 60 and has been a CM all her life). To such an extent I went to work in tears. It has since come to light (DH didnt tell me as he knew it would upset me) but she left DS2 standing in the park in his dirty and wet pants until she was ready to go home with other kids!!!! I just want to go home now pick them up and never go back - an option Im strong considering - where does it leave me in terms of our contract - I think I need to give her 2 months notice ..but I think her actions have invalided it in some way??

HSMMaCM Thu 27-Feb-14 16:43:56

Sounds very sad and might be worth paying the two months notice anyway, just to get away.

Leaving a child in urine soaked clothes could be a safeguarding issue, but how do you know this happened?

I am a CM, but certainly not defending her attitude.

wadi1983 Thu 27-Feb-14 23:17:12

leaving a child in.soiled clothes is gross misconduct surely???

With regards to potty training, lots of children 'dont get it' straight away, iv potty trained about 40 children at least...

It takes time, patience, love, understanding and lots of spare clothes!!

Get rid now! please

NomDeClavier Fri 28-Feb-14 08:14:48

One can't just 'get rid' of a CM. A CM is SE and you need to look carefully at the contract to find out under what circumstances you can end it.

I would, however, withdraw my children straight away from a situation like that and probably negotiate some kind of settlement midway between nothing and paying the full notice period.

One thing I would do is complain to OFSTED about the park incident.

Dukketeater Fri 28-Feb-14 09:05:16

Definitely complain to ofsted.

Also, contact whoever she has her contracts with; pacey, morton michel etc and ask to speak to legal dept. don't give her name but say what happened and ask them if you can get out?

minderjinx Fri 28-Feb-14 09:45:12

I agree it doesn't sound good, but I think you need to clarify what "leaving a child in soiled clothes" means exactly, and what keeping him waiting until the other children were ready to go means too.

If DS soiled his pants she would presumably have had two options - change him there and then, or take all the children home and change him there. I can see that she may have been reluctant to undress him in the cold and in public, and if she did decide to go home, it may well have taken a few minutes to round up the other children, put them in buggies/on reins or whatever and get ready to go. So the question is not so much whether he was standing around in soiled pants, but whether the length of time was excessive, and whether she showed poor judgement in making the choices she did. What would you have expected her to do in the circumstances? Without knowing the geography and the distances involved it's hard to judge. Also, how does DH know that DS was standing around in dirty pants or for how long?

missusmrs Fri 28-Feb-14 22:00:11

Minderjinx, we know because she told my DH ' I made him stand there beside me until it was time to go'.

The majority of info has come from her ' that's why I was so angry', 'I was so angry as I had made him sit onthe toilet for ages before we left', 'I have made him sit on the toilet for most of the day! And he still did it in his pants'

Any other info has come from older DS repeating back her anger and grown up snippets of angry turn berating his brother using her turn of phrase and reasons.

I realise its not all facts but there's enough to make it wrong.

missusmrs Fri 28-Feb-14 22:02:36

NomDeClavier we have a very basic 1 pager which mainly focusses on rates/holidays. There are no T and C's etc apart from a 8 week notice line.

minderjinx Sat 01-Mar-14 07:30:35

Missusmrs - yes I have to agree that this sounds very wrong. I was really only advising that you needed to be sure of the facts to inform your decision, and if much of this is "from the horse's mouth", I think you have that assurance.

oneintheeye Sat 01-Mar-14 08:05:59

I would be giving written notice and complaint letter with immediate effect. Pay what you owe to date and say, pending an Ofsted investigation you will consider the outstanding lieu payment. I would recommend that you seek your own legal advice about the contract (PACEY/MM or other will not advise the client

I would also be recommending that you ring Ofsted logging your complaint and forwarding a letter of complaint to Ofsted backing up what you have said.

Too leave a child, in soiled clothing;in the park till they were ready to go home is unacceptable She should have had spares and wipes etc with her.
No wonder your LO isn't 'picking it up' with that kind of 'support'

TwittyMcTwitterson Sun 02-Mar-14 12:57:42

In all honesty, a childminder is a home from home experience so she should be doing what you have asked her to do.

I would see red and simply take DC away. I'd forfeit the rest of this months payment and not worry about the 8 weeks notice (which is double what I've seen everywhere else) I'd see it as gross misconduct. Contract terminated.

She obviously doesn't see she is doing wrong, hence her honesty on the subject but she has no reason or right to speak angrily about YOUR child who isn't doing anything wrong.

Hugs to your poor DC hmm

insancerre Sun 02-Mar-14 14:13:03

I agree that she doesn't sound very good, in fact, she sound like she doesn't really have a grasp of how children develop.
Most children don't 'just get' toileting at 2.
In fact, many don't 'get it' till 3.
Leaving him in soiled pants is inexcusable, and warrants a report to ofsted.
You surely have grounds to remove him immediatley and not pay her notice fee.
She will have to take you to court to claim it from you and is she willing to do that, given what she has told you about her level of care?

insancerre Sun 02-Mar-14 14:14:17

and write down and date any conversations you have had with her, especially the bits about being angry and making him stand in soiled pants

looselegs Sun 02-Mar-14 14:28:08

I'm a CM and have potty trained numerous children over the years.The LO I have at the mo has just been trained, and he has only had 2 accidents from the day we started.He can go for hours without needing a wee!But I still take spare clothes,wipes etc with me everywhere I go!Can understand (a little) if she'd forgotten to take spares but I would've taken of his pants and just put his trousers back on.I certainly wouldn't have made him stand still whilst all the others played!We haven't had the warmest of weathers!
From other information you've given,it seems that the CM has taken a dislike to your LO and even shows that in front of your other child.Take them away!

tinyturtletim Sun 02-Mar-14 19:54:07

I would take him away NOW!

tell her you will pay her 4 weeks notice as a good will gesture and nothing else as she clearly doesn't like your son very much.

what company is she insured by? Pacey / Michael morton?

chocolatemademefat Tue 04-Mar-14 18:14:33

Take your children away now. I'm a childminder and this woman clearly does not have the patience required for the job. I've helped in toilet-training many children and can't think of any who haven't had a few accidents at first.
I meet up regularly with other childminders and haven't come across any who would behave like this over a toilet training accident. When choosing childcare try and go by word of mouth - I know childminders who get glowing reports at inspections but I wouldn't leave my own kids with them. Nowadays I think too much stress is put on paperwork and not enough on the caring qualities the childminder has.
Good luck with your decision.

Nannyowl Tue 04-Mar-14 20:22:33

Sorry only read OP first post as so annoyed have to reply.
How dare she treat your son this way. Children toilet train at different ages and accidents are normal. Her reaction is verging on abuse IMO. Remove him OP please. There are lots of lovely childminders.

Bagoffrogs Tue 04-Mar-14 20:31:34

When it comes to CMs, there is a huge degree of gut feeling. If something doesn't feel right, it's not going to resolve itself by ignoring it. I'm speaking from personal experience, we had a lovely CM but something just didn't feel right. I still to this day couldn't tell you one awful thing that happened, but as soon as the gut feeling was there, DD2 was withdrawn, notice paid and an alternative sought. Go with your gut OP, although you do have more specific 'bad' things to attribute to the CM. Walk away, chalk it up and find a lovely alternative. You'll know when you find the right one.

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