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Potty training negativity

(22 Posts)
weakestlink Tue 11-Feb-14 09:46:44

I have come home from dropping my child at the childminder and I am really upset.

He is just 3 and we started potty training last week. He is doing ok with average 1-2 accidents a day. Usually 1 poop and one wee en route to the toilet. I don't think that's too bad for a boy and am happy to give him more time to learn.

The childminder was REALLY negative last week when I took him to the point that she put him back in nappies without giving him a chance as they were going out to a play group. I felt bad for my little one when I collected him he was in a nappy.

The sticker chart I took him had not been used. No stickers on chart.

He attends 2 days a week and I couldn't bring myself to send him the 2nd day as he was doing really well and I didn't want to go backwards.

Fast forward to today and he has been doing ok, as I said a few accidents but not a problem really. Never had an accident in the car. I was met with more negativity and when I asked them to give him a small choc treat as a reward for going to the toilet that didn't go down well either. I understand it's hard when there are other children around but it's not hard to be discreet! I have 3 children myself so I know it's hard to look after more than one.

The ratio at the childminders is supposedly 1:3 for all age groups as she has 3 assistants.

I feel awful for my LO and won't be surprised if he's had several accidents today due to their attitude.

I offered to take him home again this morning that's how bad they made me feel.

Is this normal? Am I being an over-protective mother?!

This is an Ofsted "Outstanding" setting.

SookyLaLa Tue 11-Feb-14 10:32:47

that doesn't sound good at all. Your CM and you should both have discussed when you are both ready to do it as it really is a joint effort.

I would not be happy that the CM was putting him back in nappies for trips out - surely she has a portable potty to take?

Organise a time to chat with her when there won't be any distractions and sit down and talk. If you're not happy with how it's going then maybe you need to look elsewhere?

minderjinx Tue 11-Feb-14 11:04:24

I think you should have discussed with her first. I don't know how many children she has to care for with her 3 assistants, but just imagine if she had half a dozen little ones weeing and pooping twice a day on her carpets! You wouldn't want to live there. It does need to be a joint effort, and it would help if you got him started and practically trained over a holiday week.

blueblackdye Tue 11-Feb-14 11:19:37

Talk to cm to find out why her response is that bad. Are you happy with her in general ? To me, she does not seem very cooperative and you won't get anywhere but confuse your DS. Or wait until you have a week off with him and train him then. DS was 2.3yo when we started, with his nursery, they had roughly 10 kids from 2 to 3 yo for 3 staff, it took him under a month, but after a week, he could ask for the potty, with the odd accident every other day, mainly because I forgot to ask him before leaving for a trip to the park.

Karoleann Tue 11-Feb-14 11:20:28

Its part of job for any childcarer who looks after the 2-3 age group to deal with potty training and she should be more supportive.
You need to insist on the star chart being used, just remind her each morning and evening!

Although, I agree with her about the chocolate, if you have lots of little children around its going to cause a major tantrum each time if she offers chocolate to one and not the other. I used the chocolate button treat too with my older two, but wouldn't expect nursery to do it.

Good luck - we're starting my daughter next week and I'm not looking forward to it.

HSMMaCM Tue 11-Feb-14 11:21:11

You need to talk to her. Is he definitely ready? Maybe she disagrees and you both need to talk about it. I try and support parents toilet training fully and would use the sticker chart (not the chocolates). I would also say if I thought a child wasn't ready, as I do not want other peoples children having to avoid wee and poo and have to protect my own furniture.

squinker45 Tue 11-Feb-14 13:13:24

I have just spent 30 minutes in the bathroom. Poo everywhere, all over childs legs, my bath, my shower, walking it round the house as it had crept down to his socks. The child had pooed himself during lunch and just carried on eating, had been taken to the loo 5 mins before. Parents insist on potty training child (just 3) even though he is not ready and have been insisting for 3 months. I have put him in a nappy, and i am finding it hard to be sympathetic to your problems as I now feel like I need to bleach my whole house. Poo in pants is the absolute worst part of this job.

weakestlink Tue 11-Feb-14 13:48:59

3 months is very different to 1 week....

squinker45 Tue 11-Feb-14 13:55:13

I have calmed down a bit now... the dangers of browsing mumsnet when you are in a bad mood!

I would be fine with a sticker chart, and I might even be persuaded to do the choc treats as well. But if child was consistently pooing in pants I would put child a nappy every time we left the house I'm afraid. Also would put child on the loo at every opportunity (although this does not always work - see above).

1 week in she should really be making an effort to go with your rules. It is very hard to bring things up when people don't seem to be listening to you, but best to persevere if you can stand the confrontation.

Also, 3 assistants? A rather large setting, maybe it's getting out of hand for her.

weakestlink Tue 11-Feb-14 14:02:02

There are 12 children and 4 staff members. All experienced, not youngsters. They take their lead from the owner though.

He has pooed in pants three times since the start of potty training. I honestly don't think that's too bad.

I realise nobody is keen on cleaning up poop but how else is he to learn? I have made it easy - provided loads of wipes, spare clothes and said just to bin pooey pants.

He's 3 not 18 months I've left it a lot later than some of my friends to make sure he's "ready".

I'm not as upset now but still disappointed in her general

weakestlink Tue 11-Feb-14 14:02:44

Pooed in pants once at her setting that is, the others were my problem!

squinker45 Tue 11-Feb-14 14:06:36

How about pull-ups with pants inside? Then you get all the 'containment' of a nappy and also the feel of being wet for him to learn. If he poos they can snip the pants off and it won't be smeared all inside his clothes.

Yes her general attitude sounds negative

weakestlink Tue 11-Feb-14 14:16:30

Good idea re pull ups I will try that!

Although when I tried to introduce pull ups about 9 months ago it was not received well as they'd "have to take his trousers off" and they asked for normal nappies to be brought in! hmm

squinker45 Tue 11-Feb-14 14:44:12

Hm yes well that sounds a bit lazy tbh. Pull ups have the advantage that to pop lo on the potty you don't have to remove a nappy. In a nappy there is clearly no intention to potty train

HSMMaCM Tue 11-Feb-14 15:21:17

I've used loose nappies as pull ups, but this is when a child is getting ready for toilet training. Once they start wearing pants, I try not to go back, but may occasionally pop a nappy over pants on a long car journey.

givemeaclue Tue 11-Feb-14 15:29:47

Nurseries are usually very happy to help with potty training. How big is the house this child minder has to accommodate all these people?

HSMMaCM Tue 11-Feb-14 15:42:45

A childminder cannot work with more than 2 assistants at once. If there are 4 of them,, they become Childcare on domestic premises, which had different rules. Are they assistants or co-childminders?

weakestlink Tue 11-Feb-14 17:16:26

They could be co-childminders or perhaps the older 2 are childminders and the other 2 their assistants. I'm not sure.

There are 2 playrooms and a living room for the children so plenty of space. Too much perhaps. They can't watch all the children all the time?

NannyK7H Wed 12-Feb-14 20:00:56

One of my old charges had a bit of difficulty potty training, and although he started okay, a few weeks in he started to regress. MB and I were 'in it together' and chatted most mornings about what we thought we should do, sent texts throughout the day for an accomplishment, that sort of thing (And both had a little moan about having to clean pooey pants!!)
However one day, I picked him up from preschool and his key worker said in front of all the parents 'I have had to change him three times this afternoon, why are you sending him in pants? We will need to put him in nappies' - I was horrified at the lack of support and dismissive words from a childcarer and I'm not even the parent!!
I can see how it would have upset/annoyed you with the CM's attitude towards it. I nearly burst into tears on the playground and then wanted to just keep charge home with me!

Geneticsbunny Fri 14-Feb-14 10:04:03

We have poo every day at the mo but my dd is at home not at a childminder so I have to clean it up. I have found that washable training pants are really good at containing poo so it doesnt leak everywhere. We have a load of bright bots.

cheekymonk Tue 25-Feb-14 21:50:22

I have this with my cm. she was horrified when I breezed in enthusiastically saying dd had put some pants on. She insisted dd wasn't ready, said there is no such thing as an accident and insisted I supply pull ups. Dd goes to nursery too and they are great no moaning at all but I had to stop cm going on about the big sticky smelly poos etc every time I picked dd up. 6 months later dd is still not fully trained, wears pull ups at night and for cm if out or after 2 strikes and you're out rule. Cm and I really locked horns over this. I still feel her negativity has delayed dd and confused her and would have moved dd if it wasn't that I had had already moved dd once and cm is lovely in other ways hmm

busyDays Wed 26-Feb-14 09:36:21

I have to say that as a childminder I am not keen on potty training. It is not so bad when the child is your own because you know that it is a short phase that you have to get through. With having lots of children around I seem to permanently have at least one that is potty training so it never stops. Poopy pants don't bother me in the least because the mess tends to be contained in the clothes and I am really not very squeamish about poo. It is the wee that is the problem because it gets into my carpets, furniture and car seats and is hard to get out. I think nursery staff are less bothered because it is not their personal stuff that gets weed on. As your child only attend 2 days a week I would have asked you to wait until you have those days off so that you can potty train at home for almost two full weeks. Then I would have done the sticker chart and possibly the chocolates (if your child was able to keep them a secret from the others). I certainly wouldn't let any child into my car without a nappy during the first week of potty training, no way, not worth it, not even my own child. It is just one of those things I wouldn't compromise on.

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