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Should I report this CM? And if I do, how?

(19 Posts)
Anonymous1986 Tue 28-Jan-14 20:12:51

Hi guys.

So I'm basically looking for some opinions as I feel quite strongly about this but just wanted some reassurance I'm not over reacting.

This goes back some time. My son (12mo at the time) started with his first CM, and as time went on he got more and more difficult. He'd come home ravenous, despite CM telling me he had sooo much to eat. He'd be so thirsty screaming for water he would shake.

1 day, I went to pick him up and walked in on her disciplining the other boy (13mo at the time). She made him stand facing the wall, telling him off for not keeping his arms by his side, and screaming at him if he turned around to look at me to "TURN AROUND AND FACE THE WALL!!".

I went with my guts instinct and took him out of her care. As word got around that he wasnt with her anymore, stories started coming back to me. Like how she left him alone in the car for 5ish minutes when she ran into a block of flats to drop another child off. How one of her neighbours heard the kids crying as she put them in the car, and her shouting at them "STOP F€$%NG CRYING". She left them in a car during the summer, and would stand outside having a smoke and chinwag with her mate.

If I picked him up they would be closed off in her dining room, hanging to the stair gate like a pair of monkies in a zoo, while she's having a cuppa with her friend, or getting her children to try on new clothes.

Since my ds started with the new cm, i have seen the biggest change in him! He is our happy little man again!

Someone recently went to visit the above cm, and called me soon after extremely upset, as the other little boy was in time out again facing the wall, her other mindee was crying and her legs and arms were freezing cold. I know that in itself isnt enough to report anyone, but given everything above, do I? Or am I just being dramatic. The look on that little man's face in time out when he turned around is forever in my mind. The cm isnt very affectionate as such, the babies would cry and she'd look at them and go: What are you crying for?? You've got no reason to cry, whatsoever!

emeraldgirl1 Tue 28-Jan-14 20:16:44

Good god, I'm no expert, but if this is true (not doubting you btw!!) it sounds dreadful and surely something that should get her struck off any local lists? I'd be very worried indeed.

Madamecastafiore Tue 28-Jan-14 20:19:05

You should have reported her when you first went and visited and took your son out of her care IMO.

Anonymous1986 Tue 28-Jan-14 20:22:50

What do you mean I should have after the first visit? I dont think you understood my post. It was all good and she was great for the first months until i started noticing the change in ds. And i took him out shortly after o saw the time our thing.

minderjinx Tue 28-Jan-14 20:44:21

I think Madamecastafiore meant (what she said in fact) was that you should have reported the childminder when you visited and found her mistreating the 13mo child, resulting in you withdrawing your own child from her care. That was my first thought too. I think I would have also done my utmost to contact and warn the parents of the child.

I am also at a loss to understand your later comment "If I picked him up they would be closed off in her dining room, hanging to the stair gate like a pair of monkies in a zoo, while she's having a cuppa with her friend, or getting her children to try on new clothes". I'd have thought that if you frequently found them neglected and her otherwise engaged at pick up time (presumably repeatedly and also before the "time out" incident), you would have moved him then, or at least had stern words with her.

I do think it would seem odd to Ofsted or whoever your regulator is for you to come up with these retrospective issues which did not seemingly move you to action at the time. At best I fear it will weaken your case.

Anonymous1986 Tue 28-Jan-14 20:52:54

I understand your point. It was the last month or so he was with her that things got worse, or maybe because of one incident made me more aware of what was going on. The reason why I never had words with her is because 1 - Her husband, is my husband's boss. This would make things difficult for dh at work. Can you imagine?! And 2 - In the community we live in, I dont want to seem like a troublemaker, as I know she would have discussed me with everyone, like she discusses the parents of the other children with me.

I have not reported her previously for the above reasons, but as I heard more stories the months following him leaving her, I got more and more upset. And as someone then phoned me a couple of nights ago and told me that the other lb was in time out again, it really upset me as he is still in that enviroment! I guess I feel really guilty that I just jumped ship with my son, and didn't (at the time) think about the kids still in her care.

And I guess that's why I'm thinking maybe I should anonymously report my concerns now, and that way, my husband and his boss are still ok too.

Sharaluck Tue 28-Jan-14 20:55:57

Did you try to tell the other boys parents?

Yes you should report her. Better late than never.

Daiso Tue 28-Jan-14 20:57:35

I would definitely report her. How would you feel if someone had witnessed her behave towards your DS the way she did to someone else's DS? What if they had just taken out their child and left your DS facing all that shouting etc. I see what you have written regarding the husbands but surely the safety and well being of a baby/child comes above anything else?

Anonymous1986 Tue 28-Jan-14 21:05:12

Her and the boys parents are like best friends, so it's a difficult situation. But you guys are right. I will get all my facts together and do the right thing. I feel terrible. My heart is breaking all over again.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 29-Jan-14 07:41:17

Report her and no one will know it's you

Why hasn't anyone else reported her - the people who ring you up?

But the fact you didn't say anything at the time doesn't help

What excuse did you give her for notice / and if she was vindictive then your hubby would have been in trouble at work then iyswim

Not reporting potential child abuse you don't went to be called a busybody and scares hubby may have work hassles isn't good enough

You moved your child so obv not happy yet uou are willing for other children to stay in her care

I would also contact the wall child parents

QueenieRae Wed 29-Jan-14 10:13:47

This sounds horrible. I'm sure there must be a way to anonymously report her. If other people have come back to you with stories or you can get on touch with other parents then maybe you could discuss it with those people and see what agreement you come to. Having said that, any retribution dealt out at your husband's work would be easy to prove and the cm's husband would be the one getting into trouble.

PeedOffMinder Sat 01-Feb-14 13:03:14

This is a prime, grade A example of why you shouldn't have a friend/acquaintance mind your children.

Who knows what happened to your ds during the notice period.

You are putting everything before the welfare of the children in this cm's care.

Mumof3xx Sat 01-Feb-14 13:05:33

I would report her and tell the other parents regardless

CorkyPurbright Sat 01-Feb-14 13:11:03

Imagine if you were the mother of the wall child. How would you feel then? I think you should report.

Ihatepeas Sat 01-Feb-14 23:09:26

Please please report it to ofstead! Stay anonymous if you're worried about the backlash. If all has been blown out of proportion and she is dong nothing wrong then nothing will happen, although I think that is unlikely
I can't bear stuff like this it's appalling that there are cms and nannies out there like this!

WhoNickedMyName Sat 01-Feb-14 23:14:09

Report her. You should have done it months ago when you first realised what was going on. I'd make a damned good effort to contact the parents of her other minders too.

Anonymous1986 Sun 02-Feb-14 07:24:26

I've reported her, and spoke to the wall child's parents.

lookingfoxy Tue 04-Feb-14 16:42:16

What did the parents say ?

IHaveSeenMyHat Tue 04-Feb-14 16:48:49

God, that is chilling. The scariest thing is it's your word against hers. I hope Ofsted can actually do something.

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