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CM's - how would you have handled this. parents - would this have annoyed you?

(21 Posts)
Doonhamer Tue 28-Jan-14 14:59:45

today i ahd 2 of the mindees who come now and again - if their parents shift patterson voerlap. I started earlier than usual with them, 7am. The mum said "here's a box of rice krispies (small box) for x (4) and some crusty bread,cheese and ham for Y (10)" she then went on to say that x could have bread and cheese/ham if she wanted.

Anyway x decided she wanted rice krispies. I double cecked that wwas what she wanted, and said she could have bread and cheese after if she likedI opened them added milk and put them down infront of her, then went through to the kitchen tog et them both a drink. x then said "I don't like these anymore". Isaid " but your mummy said you like them you have them most days, you said you wanted them". Again she said she didn't like it. I then said
"well eat a couple of spoonsful as it is a waste of food, then you can get some bread and cheese", and I cut some bread off for her and buttered it

Cue lots of tears and wails of I want my mummy and a refusal to eat the bread and cheese. Follwed by a refusal to drink the orange juice as it had bits in it this was follwed by more tears becasue I had no apple juice.
By this point my other mindees had arrived, one of them comes at 7.30 and every morning he has toast. So I asked x if she wanted toast. yes please she said. I asked if she wanted anything on it and she said no. i brought it through and she started crying wanting nutella on it. I don't have any so she asked for cheese spread. I got it out of the fridge and she (having follwed me into kitchen) started wailing again as it is not Dairylea spreading cheese and she didn't want it. I had spent a good 15-20 minutes with her by this point nad the other mindees were demanding my attention too

So by that point 1 small box of krispies, 3 slices of bread, 2 slices of toast and a cup of fresh orange had all gone to waste.
She told her teacher that I hadn't given her any breakfast and was hungry. Teacher rang mum, who then rang asking what was going on.
So i explained to her the mornings events.
"oh bless her" was the response "shes a wee darling isn't she, I think you shouldn't have told her off because we jsust give her what she wants"

Surly thats the problem?

Doonhamer Tue 28-Jan-14 15:01:58

sorry for spelling mistakes. Their shift patterns overlap (no idea what a shift patterson is)

onepieceoflollipop Tue 28-Jan-14 15:03:44

I am not a cm but I am a parent. if one of my dds wouldn't /didn't eat breakfast, but otherwise seemed we'll, I would briefly mention it to the teacher as the children lined up.
with the mum, I think you have to accept that they let the child behave! but explain at your home you will offered x or y and you won't be able to offer endless options, Perhaps the child can eat before coming to you?

onepieceoflollipop Tue 28-Jan-14 15:05:01

Well, not we'll (my typo)

tinyturtletim Tue 28-Jan-14 15:05:50

In future, if she doesn't eat the rice crispies or the bread and cheese don't offer anything else.

Your house your rules.

I had a 8 year old crying because I didn't warm his milk up..noone had informed me I was supposed to.

Poledra Tue 28-Jan-14 15:10:31

Well, I would not have been happy with my child behaving like that - I would be cross at the wasted food. In fact, you probably gave her more chances than I would have given my child (cereal, then bread, then no more until something had been eaten!).

However, you need to talk to the parents about how they would like this handled in future. You actually couldn't have given her what she wants as you had no Nutella anyway. If the parents expect her to be given whatever she likes, then you need to decide if this is something you can live with as a CM.

I am not a CM, BTW, just a parent who has DCs cared for by a CM.

Doonhamer Tue 28-Jan-14 15:12:15

I am wanting parent opinions too as I feel the mum is annoyed and might well say something to me at school.

samisimms Tue 28-Jan-14 16:01:52

I have to say my child had moments of doing this with his childminder. I would give her some cereal to give to my little boy and told her if he doesnt eat it then it's tough!! I'm a mean mommy!!

If he had one of his moods when he decided he no longer liked cereal then she would offer him whatever her own children was having. If he still didnt want that then she wouldnt give him anything and she would usually text me either way to let me know if has eaten his food and what he had eaten or if he hadnt eaten anything.

he was 4 when he went through this phase and luckily it was just a phase and he almost always eats his breakfast now - or maybe he has just realised if he doesnt eat it he doesnt get anything!!

MPB Tue 28-Jan-14 16:15:25

I'm a CM and wouldn't have offered toast. The child was playing you (as you know).

I would be inclined to speak to the teacher who took it upon themselves to make the phone call and the office if they were involved.

As for the parent. I would just stand firm and say she was offered x y and z and was just being difficult. And you will do the same if she messes you about again.

To cover yourself if it happens again tell the teacher she has refused to eat.

NoSquirrels Tue 28-Jan-14 16:29:21

I don't think you did anything wrong (as a parent who uses CMs). You offered the food the parent provided, and you offered alternatives. At school age, the child should be able to understand if you don't eat your breakfast you will go hungry.

However - I think you should have mentioned it to the teacher and informed the parent too. Then no-one would have needed to call anyone!

I guess the kids don't come all that often and mornings can be a bit of a stressful time, and 4-yr-olds aren't all that in control of their emotions, so it's understandable in a way if they're not used to being with you in the morning and know the routine, that the little one was trying to get some control over an unfamiliar situation. Annoying though!

My excellent CM used to provide all food, so no arguments from any of the mindees as they all got the same. She had a menu, so the choices for breakfast were clear - perhaps that would be helpful for their mum to see, so she could remind her kids that when they eat breakfast at your house the choices will be x,y or z (but won't include Nutella or Dairylea spread!)

littleducks Tue 28-Jan-14 17:04:55

As a parent I would have been annoyed and embarrassed if the school phoned me. I would be worried that it was being noted down as a safeguarding issue.

However I have had dd refuse to eat breakfast, I just said to the TA at the beginning of school 'dd didn't want breakfast so if she complains of being hungry that's why'

PenguinBear Tue 28-Jan-14 19:38:54

You did nothing wrong, she was offered numerous options and turned them down. You should have mentioned it to the teacher though! That way I doubt she would have rung mum and maybe just given her an extra snack at snack time smile.

almaradlu Tue 28-Jan-14 19:39:50

As a mum I would have been fine about it. My 2 have been right fussy so and so's over the years and I have learnt if they dont eat, I cant force feed them.

As a childminder I would have offered what Mum had sent and maybe offered toast if the others were eating it but thats all.I would have had a quiet word with teacher/TA when they were queing up to go into school and a text to Mum to let her know.

However the school should be used to kiddies playing up at meals times and it wont be the first or last time they have a kiddy moaning XYZ didnt give me breakfast today.

I have had a few kiddies tell me in the past that XYZ have not given me breakfast. I always check with parents and find out the little darling have had a strop because it was the wrong bowl, spoon, toast wasnt cut into triangles/crusts left on etc

All families that come here know that if a child asks for something that we all know that they like and then refuses to eat it they dont get offered an alternative. Once they know there is not anything else , they soon give in. I had a 4 year old once who refused to eat their favourite cooked lunch before PM nursery. Had eaten it several times before. I explained several times that there was nothing ese and to try and make an effort but they just refused .Sounds hard but that child went to nursery with no lunch , I explained to the staff and also to mum . Staff and Mum were totaly fine with it and both explained to the child that they should have eaten their lunch. The child didnt play up at meal times again.

All families also know that if I give their children something new to try and the child wont eat it , they then will be given something that we know they do like(I confirm the food with the child if they are old enough) then if they refuse/strop/tantrum - then its the same, no extra alternative.

Passthecake30 Tue 28-Jan-14 20:52:23

I drop my kids off at 8 and they have about 10mins to eat at home first. If they mess about, I put it in a bag where they have 20mins to eat it at the cminders. She knows I won't blame her if they then don't eat it...they have been warned that they will be hungry at school, and after going through this they don't repeat for a long time!

Strange that the school rang tbh, but if it happened to me I would always give the cminder the benefit of the doubt. If you were my cminder I would've only expected you to have given what was provided to save waste so you went above and beyond in my opinion!

Goldmandra Tue 28-Jan-14 21:07:29

You jumped through more hoops than I would have either as a parent or a childminder.

I'd make the first move by approaching the mother and clarifying that she can send whatever she likes for her DD's breakfast and, apart from that, you are prepared to offer just toast.

The little girl will get used to the idea and stop trying to mess you about.

LingDiLong Tue 28-Jan-14 22:45:38

As a CM I wouldn't have given her anything after the cereal was asked for then refused. If she'd got herself into that much of a tizz though I'd have wondered if she was unwell and either phoned or texted the mum to say she was very out of sorts. Ridiculous over reaction from the school though to ring a parent the minute a child of 4 says they haven't had breakfast!! Worth a mention at pick up maybe but come on, it's hardly an emergency!

busyDays Wed 29-Jan-14 13:45:02

Well I must be a mean childminder because I would have given her the cereal, and possibly the bread, but certainly not anything else. All the children in my care (including my own) have to learn that they get one plate of food and if they choose not to eat it then they have to wait until the next snack/meal time. I would also explain to the mum as nicely as possible that I can't let children always have what they want as I have several to look after and to keep any sort of order I need to have clear rules.

ginnybag Wed 29-Jan-14 14:38:38

Is the teacher new?

That's a strange reaction for a teacher to be ringing the parent to say the child had had no breakfast. My own DD will refuse to eat at least one day a week.

Certainly, you jumped through more hoops with this one than I would have, but if the child is used to being a madam about it, she will play up.

Stand firm, explain to parent that you will be offering her brought food plus whatever the other's are having and nothing else, and that if that's an issue, perhaps you're not a good fit!

insanityscatching Wed 29-Jan-14 14:46:14

It wouldn't have bothered me if dd hadn't eaten because of the fuss she made and I certainly wouldn't have expected you to pander to it but my friend would have been in pieces at the prospect of one of her dc being upset or having not eaten breakfast.
Had school phoned me I would have said "well she will eat her lunch then" But dd's school would have given food rather than phoning anyway.

olympicsrock Fri 31-Jan-14 21:18:11

As a parent I think you were v patient. I did similar today with my DS. As a childcarer it is our responsibility to provide a range of healthy food ( not more than one option per meal) and the child's responsibility to eat it.if he won't try the dish I just remove ( usually eat myself while saying how good it is)

Supermum222 Mon 10-Feb-14 21:02:28

She sounds spoilt and must run rings around her parents!!
I am a parent not a cm.

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