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When grandparents look after you dc..

(17 Posts)
happydaze77 Sun 17-Nov-13 14:35:09

Do you pay them?

I'm very lucky in that dd's grandparents look after her for 5-6 hours, two days each day a week while my dh and I are at work. The subject of money has never been mentioned; they would probably decline anyway on the grounds that they really enjoy it, and do not need the money.

However, dh and myself feel a bit awkward about this, especially as we could afford to pay them, and are fully aware of what the equivalent nursery fees would be.

What would/do you do?

happydaze77 Sun 17-Nov-13 14:36:16

title should read *your dc (sorry)

hettienne Sun 17-Nov-13 14:37:20

Have you offered them any money? I would at least give them some money for food/trips and the odd bottle of wine to say thanks.

happydaze77 Sun 17-Nov-13 14:41:17

We haven't mentioned it yet, as I've only just got back to work. We were thinking of a special Christmas present but have no idea what to get we feel a regular payment is more appropriate.

LedaOfSparta Sun 17-Nov-13 14:46:39

What about a 'regular' type gift like a magazine subscription or audible membership or a membership to somewhere? I know it's not nearly the same monetary value as actual nursery fees but it's the sort of thing my money-refusing parents would accept.

teenagetantrums Sun 17-Nov-13 14:50:40

I never paid my parents,they wouldn't have taken it and to be honest didn't need it, they took mine on many holidays ect.

My ex Pil were not well off and if they helped us out i would give them some nice food or wine of filled up their car with petrol as they wouldn't take money. I once paid thier gas bill under the pretext i wanted the house warm for the kids.

Jacksterbear Sun 17-Nov-13 14:50:40

Yes I used to pay my DM (what we would have spent on nursery fees) when she looked after my DC1 for 2 days a week. But then she needed the money: she had left her previous job to take on childcare for us. In some ways it was easier to pay her, as it meant I felt more able to tell her what to do / not to do, and didn't feel bad for expecting her commitment to it.

minderjinx Sun 17-Nov-13 17:34:26

I wouldn't make any assumptions about what they would or would not accept. They may have expected you to make the first move by making an offer, and been embarrassed to raise the subject themselves. I would just say that you and your OH realised that you hadn't got around yet to discussing with them the subject of payment for all their help (or reimbursing their expenses), and would they rather you paid them a certain amount in cash, or would they prefer you show your appreciation by, for example, paying for a holiday or something for the house? I am sure they would appreciate the thought even if they did refuse the offer.

Borntobeamum Sun 17-Nov-13 17:44:47

I look after 3 of my grandsons and I get paid, but I AM a childminder and it's my job.
We have a contract and I do observations, planning ets and follow the EYFS guidelines.
They pay reduced rates.

I think you ought to offer some money.
It's very tying and they may appreciate the offer.

happydaze77 Sun 17-Nov-13 20:04:32

Some really good suggestions here, thanks everyone.

Maryann1975 Sun 17-Nov-13 21:53:31

If they wouldn't accept cash I think it would be a lovely gesture to pay for a holiday/weekend away for them every so often as a thank you. I would know my parents well enough to know where they might like to go (a nice hotel in the Lake District for example) and would pay for a hotel and meals for them while they were there. My parents would appreciate that kind of thing.

redcaryellowcar Mon 18-Nov-13 19:10:34

i have a friend whose parents look after her dc one day a week, she gives them day out money which they put to really good use and take her dc on buses and trains, and to lots of interesting places. they are already lovely people but it probably motivates them to do more.

ChazDingle Thu 21-Nov-13 20:49:34

i give my mum £20 a day which is alot less than what a nursery would be. She then spends most of it on DS!! She's not that flush so gives her the chance to treat him

HomerPigeon Mon 25-Nov-13 12:22:06

I used to pay my mum to look after my 2 DC before/after school and for about 3 weeks of the year full time (rest split between me and their dad's annual leave).

In term time it was about an hour in the morning and 3.5 hours in the afternoon. For this she "required" £500 a month. She also asked for petrol money at 40p a mile to take them to swimming once a week.

There was no CM in the village who would do the hours I needed so no alternative. We recently moved much closer to my work and now have an au pair who costs about £450 a month including car insurance, but I find it a much better arrangement as I no longer have to resent my mum taking a massive wedge of my income just to have her own GC in her house for a few hours (they are old enough to entertain themselves, and she wouldn't have been out doing anything else anyway as she has a part-time job which she does from home and which was not disturbed by my DC being there).

I would steer clear of family looking after kids for payment! Recipe for resentment.

Patilla Mon 25-Nov-13 14:49:26

Forgive me if I am wrong but if you pay then don't they have to be checked by Ofsted/a registered childminder etc?

I seem to remember two mums getting in trouble for a reciprocal childcare arrangement.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Mon 25-Nov-13 14:56:59

Nope, we don't pay them. We do however pay all the costs incurred for the childcare, so they are not out of pocket.

HandragsNGladbags Mon 25-Nov-13 14:59:44

Not a chance my DP's would take any money off us but I do get them more pricey xmas/birthday presents and we'll get them tickets to a show if I see anything crop up I think they will like.

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