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Recovering from csection & severe SPD. Norland Nanny useful to help me?

(96 Posts)
Katiejon Tue 12-Nov-13 23:21:21

DS born by planned csection 30 October 2013.
DD is 5 and a half.
Bottle feeding and doing night shift feeding: 4 times between 10 pm and 7 am.
Massively sleep deprived - only sleeping 2 hours at a time.
Not resting enough to stop being in pain.
Taking diclofenac.
Nearly constantly dizzy.
DH working Saturday week.
Extended paternity leave till 27 November.
Is working 3 Saturday's between now and Xmas.
Norland newborn nanny any good to help me?
(Sorry for typing in bullet points, using ipad-type thing.)
Sleep deprivation with DD led to me having daymares.
Being monitored by hospital psychiatrist.

Katiejon Tue 24-Dec-13 18:03:59

Dh taking the week off.
He knows that I will spend money on extra help if he's working!

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 24-Dec-13 16:31:16

so glad dh finally agreed to help you at night - has saved you a fortune rather then hiring a mat nurse/night nanny smile

what happened to ap wanting to go away in feb?

have a good xmas smile

ElectricalBanana Tue 24-Dec-13 12:46:15

Merry Christmas to you too katiejon. I am glad things are getting better. You have been in my thoughts.

Noctilucent Tue 24-Dec-13 11:18:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katiejon Tue 24-Dec-13 05:16:02

Am feeling better now.
Merry xmas and happy new year.
Have been taking prozac for past month and dh doing nite feeds, one feed him, one feed me.
Pain nearly gone.
Ap working better after I spoke with her.

Noctilucent Mon 23-Dec-13 08:56:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katiejon Sat 16-Nov-13 18:40:21

Doula. What a great idea!
Plan: dh to help with nites.he now has sinusitis!
Nanny for saturdays.
Can manage days between us, will look for the doula I found before told had to have csection.
Baby in other hand. Typing on tablet.

NomDeClavier Sat 16-Nov-13 16:13:38

It is hard. It's worse when you've got help that's not great tbh. Been there, could have managed it better! But you sound like you're struggling so much (and your DH is not helping) - your anxiety is palpable, as is your frustration - and there's no point paying for the same help twice. I'm a big fan of APs in their place but a big risk is that they might not work out, they might not be happy to drive when it would make life better if they could, they might not clean to your standards, the personality might not mesh. It's not their career and they don't really have much incentive to do the job well. But if you get in with her and you can cope with what she is capable of doing then look at how you can mop up round the edges.

To throw another option into the mix, what about a post natal doula? They're usually experienced mothers, they work ad hoc hours. They can watch the baby, supervise the AP cleaning, mop up your tears - it's a bit like having your mum but when your mum can't be there.

SootikinAndSweep Sat 16-Nov-13 16:04:19

Yes, I can wake up with it, but it's definitely a deeper sleep than non-drug induced! I was suggesting it for when it's your DH's shift, surely he won't need to wake you if DS is bottle fed?

So, what's the plan? Get your mum over for the three Saturdays, give the nights or part thereof to DH, and manage the days between you, DH and the AP?

Katiejon Sat 16-Nov-13 14:42:23

Sooti, would I be able to wake up with nytol? Piriton knocks me out!
Ap can drive but insurance (london) is exorbitant.
Have taken her to school with me and she was scared of the traffic.
Comes from a small village.
She does her best and I get on with her well.

Katiejon Sat 16-Nov-13 14:38:39

Problem with au pairs is u dont know what they r like until u have them in house.
Am getting lot more assertive with her re. housework.

Katiejon Sat 16-Nov-13 14:36:20

Wonderful that u r all practical cos I'm finding it hard to think logically at the moment.
So many good ideas and lots of empathy. thanks

Just thought, I wonder if Duchess of Cambridge reads mumsnet?
Doesn't matter who we r, we all have milk in our hair and smelly poo to wipe off little bottoms. grin
Dh improved after I cried yesterday, got angry with him and told him I was about to walk out the door and leave him to deal with every thing on his own.
(Ok, hobble slowly out the door. Feeling better cos my sense of humour is back.

AP since Sept 2013.
I need her for housework, getting sick of her not going into the corners but on the whole is ok.
She varies with dd but not such a PITA that I would consider firing her and train a new girl.

I may hire a day nanny when dh back at work so I can sleep.

She can watch baby. I get very anxious when sleep deprived and dont trust anyone with baby apart from my mother.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 16-Nov-13 12:37:25

Ditto nom

If your ap can't play or look after your dd then she is no good to you and needs to go

I can understand her reluctance with a baby esp if ap is late teens and prob never even held a tiny baby - but she should be able to cope with a 5yr

How long has she been with you?

NomDeClavier Sat 16-Nov-13 11:53:29

Seriously your AP is crap. Fire her. She's not capable if engaging DD, she can't watch baby for a couple of hours when you're in desperate need and she's taking up a bedroom that you could give to a good nanny or a maternity nurse. It's not helping you at all really...

JugglingChaotically Sat 16-Nov-13 11:37:26

Honestly. Maternity nurses are like nannies but focus on new borns. I had surgery post baby and it was a life saver. She pitched in with me and the other DCs but was so very experienced with new borns that she could settle DD and walk with her, bring her to me for feeding etc etc.
unlike nannies they work 24 hours a day for 6 days then day off. They cat nap.
I could not have got through it without her.

SootikinAndSweep Sat 16-Nov-13 11:20:43

Oops, I feel for the OP, not the AP! grin

SootikinAndSweep Sat 16-Nov-13 11:20:14

NT = neurologically typical, ie no special needs

I really feel for you AP, reading your posts it's clear you are desperate and absolutely focussing on sleep.

Can the AP drive? Could she do the drive to school?

If your DH does the shift from, say 8 to 2, and you do the rest of the night, would that give him enough sleep to do the drive? You could then go to bed at 8 and get 6 hours in one go. If you're not breastfeeding and someone else is in charge I'd heartily recommend Nytol One A Night, they give a deep sleep but for me there's no 'hangover'.

Katiejon Sat 16-Nov-13 10:06:08

Hi blondes.
AP not boisterous enough for dd, personality not matching brilliantly.
Am trying to sleep in am but find it hard to sleep when have been catnapping during nite.
I am lucky compared with some, but wish dh had more emopathy.

He wants to leave 3 week old baby with a girl who only has 1 week experience.
How can I sleep when she isnt confident in her own ability.

Dh with chikdren, am resting now.

Katiejon Sat 16-Nov-13 10:00:17

I need to sleep for an unbroken stretch during the day, that's what this all boils down to!

Katiejon Sat 16-Nov-13 09:58:50

Hi sooti.
What is NT abbreviation for?
He is helping but I am extremey tired, in lots of pain from csection (massive bruising) and hips hopefully moving back into place.
Midwife on thurs told my priorities r feeding myself and sterilising bottles.
How do I do this when dh tells me I am not the only 1 in the house?
Implies I'm selfish.
I only slept 4 hours per nite b4 birth due to hip pain and averaged 90 mins sleep in hospital per day, over 5 days.
Horrific pain due to spd, coukd barely walk, when I did I was all hunched over.
Since July.

So I need to sleep 8 hours in one go over long period of time to recover.
I have to do nites cos he is driving dd to school and back 20 mins eithrr way.
Parents cant take in am as they have bad knees and hips. Not v agile in am.
Am trying to get another parent to drive dd in am. Paying petrol money but no luck so far.
Painful to feed baby on my lap.
Painful to burp cos on scar, even with pillow to pad.
Am catnapping, 3 hours at a time.
He did some feeds last nite, now he is knackered.
Good, now he knows how it feels!

Will engage paid help, would be lovely to not have to fight him on this.
Told him if not paid baby help esp when he goes back to work, I will walk out the door.

Same attitude as when dd was born.
I had to stay with my parents for 6 weeks from 4 weeks.
That, s why big age gap.
Beginning to wonder I had baby, sorry.

JugglingChaotically Sat 16-Nov-13 09:50:46

Haven't read whole string so apologies if repeating. But you need a maternity nurse! They specialise in new borns and help mothers as much as baby.
Good luck.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 16-Nov-13 09:46:38

So it's only morning you really need help for and odd night if dh won't help

If dh won't pay for some help Can you not manage that and if had a bad night then sleep when bubs sleep in the morning

Dd at school and ap looking after her otherwise

Your mum is there in the afternoon

You are actually quite lucky compared to some who have no one and you have 2 adults and 3 if dh pulled his finger from his arse

SootikinAndSweep Sat 16-Nov-13 09:23:51

But apart from those Saturdays you wouldn't need help if he actually helped you! His attitude is scuppering you on both fronts, he needs to either help full time until he goes back to work (barring the Saturdays) or he needs to agree that you can hire someone.

I haven't had SPD or a c section but surely an au pair and an adult are completely capable of looking after an NT 5 year old and a newborn?

Katiejon Fri 15-Nov-13 23:07:06

Not a nanny ptoblem, a husbsnd problrm!

Katiejon Fri 15-Nov-13 23:06:01

Not feeling sorry 4 myself and trying 2 find obstsacle.
Am trying to get good help but dh doesn't want to spend money to help me.

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