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Nanny - How do you broach a "parenting"; issue.

(29 Posts)
grabaspoon Sun 10-Nov-13 19:55:24

I have been made aware through observation (am live in) and through charge telling me that mb does not brush DCs teeth at bed time - do I but out or should I mention this to mb - although we're on baby teeth at the moment it wont be long before adult teeth are through.. maybe could raise it with that?

Maryann1975 Tue 12-Nov-13 21:44:11

I don't believe the op was being sneery, more that she has noticed something isn't being done that she believes should be. Op, I have a similar situation. One of my children is frequently given a lollipop on handover, is fed junk food routinely and is sat in front of the tv from when she gets home till bed time. She is just three and I think it is sad that although they know what they should be doing, the parents just don't do it, thinking that I am responsible for the majority of their child's well being. That said, the child is being fed and clothed, is sheltered from the elements in a clean home and has parents who love her so isn't being neglected. I think it's just different people with different standards and that is just how the world works.

NomDeClavier Tue 12-Nov-13 20:21:48

It's probably best to just bring it up in passing that X mentioned they hadn't brushed their teeth at night and of course small children aren't that reliable but just in case you feel you should mention that you haven't being doing it after dinner as you didn't know you were expected to but you can in future etc.

It may be that they are expecting you to have done it, especially if you do bath and PJs.

Alaternatively try implementing a star/sticker chart for daily routines and tag evening teeth brushing onto that.

JassyRadlett Tue 12-Nov-13 08:51:43

Gosh, elskovs, you're coming across as a really nasty piece of work if those are your expectations/assumptions about other people's motivations. Or is it only paid child carers that you have such a low opinion of?

When I was nannying I did very much care about the future welfare of my charges. We're still in touch, even though they're late teens/grown up now and I'm about to employ a nanny of my own. I'd be pretty fucking mortified if they had problems with their teeth that I could have helped to prevent.

ConfusedPixie Tue 12-Nov-13 06:39:14

I'd go with Anniemouse's idea of joking that the kids is winding you up, it's something that you'd probably chat about anyway so it's be easy to bring up in a non confrontational way.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 11-Nov-13 23:42:54

Organise a trip to dentist. Then age depending you or children or both mention to mummy that dentist said to brush am and pm and for 3 mins each time

elskovs Mon 11-Nov-13 14:41:14

Ha, I doubt OP is losing any sleep over these childrens future oral health. Much more likely she is enjoying sneering at the mothers failure.

Like someone said earlier; what are the chances she doesn't know she ought to be brushing twice a day? Everyone knows that.

rm00054 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:29:03

Yes Isla, obviously the case in the link I posted is more comple and involves much more obvious types of neglect. Doesn't change the fact that looking after oral health is important.

And Sam, I agree dailymail tends to be over dramatic in its reporting, just added the link as a crude, extreme example. (do you prefer the BBC?

samlamb Mon 11-Nov-13 13:02:31

Oh dear.. the Daily Fail. Please back up your claims rm with a reliable and factual source.

MaryPoppinsBag Mon 11-Nov-13 12:46:56

'Come off it.. you don't really care at all how often they brush their teeth... you just want to come across as superior.'

elskovs Have a biscuit don't forget to brush your teeth though wink

IslaValargeone Mon 11-Nov-13 12:39:08

Bit more to it than not brushing teeth rm hmm

rm00054 Mon 11-Nov-13 12:36:34

It doesn't really matter if your boss might not like you for it, if you have serious concerns about the welfare of a child you are caring for you absolutely need to bring it up.

I agree brushing only once a day isn't neglect, but op doesn't state whether they're being brushed at all. (but brushing before bed is more important than in the mornings IMO.)

Anyway, state the current guidelines to the parents and say that as a childcarer you wouldn't be doing your job properly if you didn't pass the information on.

(And yes, not ensuring teeth get brushed is neglect. See:

ReetPetit Mon 11-Nov-13 12:31:12

Thats a bit nasty elskovs - how do you know op doesnt care? Believe it or not most childcarers do.actually care about the wellbeing of the children they look after hmm

elskovs Mon 11-Nov-13 11:46:42

Come off it.. you don't really care at all how often they brush their teeth... you just want to come across as superior.

She will dislike you if you tell her your "concerns"

That's if she doesn't already.

Leopoldina Mon 11-Nov-13 11:43:25

"Are you expecting me to have brushed Child's teeth after their dinner? only I've been assuming that it's done at bedtime so I'm afraid there's been a terrible mix and Child's teeth have only been brushed once a day. How do you want to handle going forward?"
or simply brush them after you feed them (or are they so little they get bottles after that?)

hettienne Mon 11-Nov-13 11:11:05

Why assume they are reasonably intelligent? Because most parents are confused If they are able to hold down jobs then I would assume they don't have learning disabilities or poor life skills that mean they are unaware of the guideline to brush teeth twice a day.

I work with some very challenging families, but at some point you have to accept that parents are allowed to make parenting choices about their children. Brushing teeth once a day instead of twice a day is not neglect!

MaryPoppinsHasASootkinInHerBag Mon 11-Nov-13 11:04:18

I would engineer playing dentists, not sure how old your charges are but there's a Peppa pig goes to the dentist book. I used it with my mindees and we played at being dentists and talked about brushing our teeth morning and night. You could created a sticker reward sheet.

rm00054 Mon 11-Nov-13 10:47:59

Tricky situation. Are the kids old enough to be brushing themselves? Might be the the parents don't know the kids aren't doing it.
Is this on the odd occasion or a long term, every night thing?
If it's every night, you should definitely tell the parents. Are you Ofsted registered? Part of being registered means you are required to tell the parents when you notice anything that could be potentially harmful. (I think it is mostly about safety issues, but reckon this type of thing is just as important.)

Don't get into the habit of just doing it yourself, you're not there every evening / forever and so the parents won't learn they need to do it.

IMO, a parent not ensuring children's teeth get brushed is bordering on neglect. Raise it with them and make sure it's done.

I agree with whoever said talk to the children. If they're old enough teach them the importance of brushing before bed. Learn a song, do a craft about it etc. Something the children might show their parents. To remind them to brush.

MaryPoppinsHasASootkinInHerBag Mon 11-Nov-13 10:45:31

I have said that because very often poverty is blamed on poor health choices and as such measures are introduced in order to tackle such issues - Surestart for one. Yet here we have a presumably relatively well off family neglecting their child's health. Yet the nanny should keep quiet.

I really don't understand anyone defending not brushing teeth at night. It smacks of how dare the hired help speak out!

ReetPetit Mon 11-Nov-13 08:17:21

I agree with MaryPoppins.

Whoever said you assume they are reasonably intelligent - why? Because they have the money to employ a nanny?

Some of the richest people i have worked with (as a cm) have been the most dirty and lazy with their childten to be quite honest....

MoldieOldNaiceHam Mon 11-Nov-13 08:10:13

What have council estates got to do with anything? What a ridiculous thing to say MaryPoppins.

Brushing is just one part of oral hygiene and it may be that there is a reason why teeth don't get brushed at bedtime or twice regularly every day. I wouldn't presume anything without making further enquiries whether the parent lived in a mansion or a council house or anywhere else.

Charotte31 Mon 11-Nov-13 07:25:22

That's just lazy, the poor children! I would just say " would you like me to brush the DC teeth tonight". Hopefully it will make the lazy cow think!

MaryPoppinsHasASootkinInHerBag Mon 11-Nov-13 07:12:27

Of course it's a big deal if they don't brush their teeth twice daily. If it was a single mother on benefits on a council estate it would be, but because its someone who can employ a Nanny it isn't. Really?

hettienne Mon 11-Nov-13 00:59:30

Why would you raise it like that though? To try to shame them into brushing their children's teeth? I assume they are reasonable intelligent people, it's not like they won't have considered brushing teeth twice a day.

Anniemousse Mon 11-Nov-13 00:49:16

How about "I had to laugh, you know what she told me? that she doesn't have to brush her teeth at bedtime! hahaha how preposterous! trying to spin me a line!" wink

hettienne Mon 11-Nov-13 00:44:02

They know they should, your boss just doesn't want to for some reason.

Maybe you could just brush their teeth after tea?

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