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Nannies holding play dates at your house?(31 Posts)
Nanny due to start with me v soon. It's our first time with a Nanny so unsure on what we agree to etc re day to day stuff.
In her interview she mentioned she'd want to hold play dates at our house. I am not keen on this unless its with people and children i know. Then I will be super strict about which rooms the children can go in.
Can I say this or should I let her do what she wants ? The idea of unknown kids in my house makes me shudder for some reason.
I know this makes me sound weird and controlling. I probably am both of those things
I will always ask if can do play dates at an interview as If The parent says no /looks cagey then it's not the job/family for me
and sure I wouldn't be the right nanny for them
I try and get a balance of
being at home just the children and I
Having friends of similar ages over
Going to their house
Going to parks and feeding ducks etc either just the children and I or with other friends
Yes trust has to be earnt but as other have said its very lonely seeing no adults and its good for children to learn to socialise / share their toys and also play with new toys
Can all sahm say that they never see friends /children and stay at home alone all the fine? Doubt it
THanks for all your posts. Its good see it from both sides.
I can see i need to unclench and let her have the autonomy to arrange stuff at home.
I will also though put some restrictions around this... numbers of children, frequency etc (frequency probably created indirectly via creating other activities that need doing first). Rooms they can use.
I do think as someone said, trust has to be earned.....She referenced a nanny friend and meeting up with her and her charges.. This is what is bothering me I think.... The kids arent the same age and I dont know them. I might get a chance to do so during hand over maybe so I can reserve judgement... this though, IMO is very different to her making a new friend a baby group (same age as DC2) and inviting her round. Or arranging an after school play for my older dc.
THinking about this whole nanny thing.... its quite a big deal to get my head around . Handing over my children (one of which has only been cared for my me) and my house to someone else... I think we will need to work hard at things in early days!
Blondes- I would never suggest she stays at home and sees no one...
I just dont want loads of kids in my house all the time!
You're right to question what she means by this; it's exactly the sort of situation that people assume things around. She says one thing, the temptation is to assume it means what you think it does, she assumes it means what she had in mind, and then you have the sort of problem that arose in the other thread that another poster linked to.
^She referenced a nanny friend and meeting up with her and her charges.. This is what is bothering me I think.... The kids arent the same age...^
It's the final bit you want to understand better; I agree you may not always know people and you do need to trust the nanny. But I think it's right your antenna are going at this if the chidlren are not the same ages; it may be fine but I wouldn't be afraid to ask quite specific queries about this, laying out what you feel would work for you at least initially, appreciating that after you get to know each other things might shift a bit.
That question about playdates is what would worry me. I know someone who runs a nanny agency and this comes up all the time. And some families write down a limited number of playdates a week into the contract. I think some nannies are aware of it and are check it out.
I know I'm cynical and Lady Harriet is right. People make assumptions. When I made the mistake, I thought it meant cheerful outgoing nanny and my kids would get to hang out with lots of other kids in the neighbhourhood. What she meant was taking my kids to the area where she used to work and catching up with all her old nanny muckers.
It sounds to me as if she might have has a ready made day planned.
Speaking as a parent who has a nanny - yes to playdates providing they are for the benefit of the child (eg these are children your child plays with at school and they can develop a friendship with). If it is for the benefit of the nanny then no.
I am afraid you have to deal with a bit of mess for the benefit of your child. However, lay down reasonable rules - e.g. all food drink should be at the table. No going into my bedroom.
If it is any consolation - I found it difficult - but understand I have to do it, your child will develop better social skills as a result ....
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